Hello beautiful people!
Let’s explore why we even do any of this.
Of all the text in the below share from Abe, this is the line I’m singling out for your attention today: “Everything that everyone desires is for one reason only: they believe they will feel better in the having of it.” (Tweet it.) Once you understand that everything you want is meant to create a better-feeling state for you, period, things get very simple from there.
Listen up!
Okay, so let’s begin with something like joining the union. You say, “I want to join the union.” (Use anything else that’s true [but not too far out of reach], if you’re already in the union or union membership is not your immediate next-tier goal.) I say, “Why?” You say, “Because union members compete at a different tier for jobs that pay better.” I ask, “Why do you want that?” You say, “Because getting paid better is awesome!” I ask, “Why do you want something that’s as awesome as getting paid better?” You answer, “Because more money will allow me to get out of debt, take care of my family, and finally feel legitimate as an artist.” I continue, “Why do you want all of that?” And of course you answer, “Because it feels like shit not to believe I am enough, so having the money that proves my legitimacy as an artist not only means I can provide for my family but also finally believe in myself in a way that I cannot when there’s no money in the bank.”
Finally (I’m almost done torturing you), I ask, “Why do you want not to feel like shit?” To which you respond, “Bon! C’mon! Feeling like shit feels like shit! I want to feel better and all I have to do is join the union and it’s ON!” Ah… there it is. You said it. “I want to feel better.”
Everything that we want is because we believe we will feel better in the having of it. Period.
A new relationship? A better agent? A more toned figure? A nicer car? A booking at the next tier? A puppy? All of it is something wanted only to the degree that we believe the having of it brings us into a better-feeling place.
This is why annoyingly joy-filled people (like me, y’all) are perfectly content with — no, actually blissed out by — driving the same badass car since 1989. Sure, I can rationalize it to you in terms you may agree create less stress in my life: full-coverage auto insurance somewhere in the neighborhood of $60/mo. (in a place where that just doesn’t happen), no car payment since the early ’90s (that’s a huge savings), and of course the car is a classic for which I’m constantly offered a LOT of cash to part with (no, thank you). But what’s ultimately true is that I have great joy in my car not because of my car but because I have great joy whether in my car, next to my car, in different country than my car, or even without my car! My CAR does not bring me joy. I mean… it does, but it’s not the source of my joy. It’s a byproduct of the joy I cart around in life, period. (Related.)
Could I choose to feel covetous of someone’s super-nice, luxurious, all-new car? I mean, I *guess* I could, but really, I don’t think *I* could. Because jealousy isn’t an emotion I have. Ever. I know my happiness is an inside job! So, what’s there to be jealous of? Plenty of people have a LOT more “stuff” than I do and they’re walking around miserable! Why would I want that? I wouldn’t. Of course. I also don’t feel it’s a trade-off (in case you’re wondering). I know that they could have all the stuff AND feel all the joy. But for whatever reason they don’t choose joy. And that stuff doesn’t get them the joy they thought it would. Hmm.
That, my dear, is because those folks suffer from destination addiction (AKA the arrival fallacy). This is basically the belief that when we get somewhere else/get something we want/reach a certain milestone in life we will THEN (and not a moment before) be happy.
Y’all. Seriously. There is no future you who gets a reward of FINALLY being happy if you’ve lived a life filled with misery on the road trying to get to some mythical “there”. I combat arrival fallacy by saying to myself, “I choose to be happy right now.” This mantra reminds my brain that happiness is a choice, and it puts me squarely in the present, which is the only space we ever actually occupy anyway. 😉
Important: The muscle for both choosing happiness *and* remembering that happiness is something you can choose will get stronger the more you practice this.
“Let it be known to everyone who knows you that you are happy because you choose to be.” — Abraham-Hicks
Today’s work: Challenge yourself with the game of progressive “Why?” on everything you say you want. Do this because getting clear on the concept of “feeling better in the having of it” can be a game-changer when it comes to helping you decide to move yourself up the emotional scale (Day 51) rather than waiting for some future in which you get the thing… and haven’t conditioned yourself for the ability of ever feeling better! That, m’dear, is a recipe for fleeting bits of awesome followed by major crashes of… “Oh shit. There’s now something else I have to get in order to achieve sustained happiness.” When the truth of it is that you won’t ever sustain happiness unless you can get to it before you get all the stuff.
Extra credit: Play a modified version of a favorite little improv game. Do some Law of Attraction “yes, and…” today. Look for situations in which you can appreciate something tiny. Just sit with the intention of doing nothing but appreciating something like a flower, a bird, angel numbers showing up, a work of art, a musical melody, a smiling stranger… whatever! Appreciate the heck out of it. Seriously. Like, clock in as if it’s your one and only job: observing, appreciating, and really feeling good about whatever it is you’ve decided to focus on. And please take heed: I said “something tiny.” If you decide to make your object of appreciation your life partner, you’re in big trouble! There’s way too much complexity there. Start small. And watch Law of Attraction begin to “yes, and…” your appreciative focus by plopping another load of eerily similar tiny things right along your path.
The way this panned out for me just before writing up today’s curriculum was that I was in my aforementioned spectacular baby car listening to a fun song on the radio. The song was nearing its conclusion and of course I was singing along. The song ended and the radio station’s programmed playlist went on to the next one, which wasn’t one I was crazy about, so as I often do, I hit one of the pre-sets on my car radio to choose another station. I could’ve picked any one of the buttons and gone to any number of stations! But in my appreciative state, I randomly hit the pre-set for a radio station that was playing the exact same song, closer to its opening notes! “Yay!” I said aloud! “Thank you for the ‘yes, and…’ universe! This is FUN!”
And it always is. Our work today is to notice it more. It’s all over the place if you’ll center yourself and look for it. “I choose to be happy right now.” That’s my practice. Put your practice in the comments below if you want some feedback on it all. If this is new to you, it may be quite challenging. Don’t overthink it! Just have fun with it. Choose that!
’til tomorrow… stay ninja!
