Hello beautiful people!
Let’s say NO!
I hopped on whatever social networking site it was to message her and found a photo of her posted just moments before, poolside, lighting a cigarette by its filter-side with the caption of, “This is how hungover I am after my first night in LA.” Yep. She had gotten so drunk the night before that she totally blew off our meeting. She messaged me right back with an, “OMG, I’m such a dick! I’m sorry! I can be there in a half-hour!” to which I responded, “No, don’t bother” (first of all, I knew there was no WAY she was going from poolside filter-side-cigarette-lighting hungover to dressed-and-up-the-coast-to-the-coffee-shop status in a half-hour. Second of all, no thanks), “we’ll reschedule.”
I then walked with my beloved from that coffee shop to the best Mexican restaurant in Santa Monica, ordered a nice strong margarita, and began making two lists. The first one was “Stuff I Love Doing” and the other one was “Stuff I Don’t So Much Love Doing.” Ooh, that “Stuff I Love Doing” list was fun to make. Super fun! It included things you’d expect, some things you might not expect. Loads of the things that make me happy, keep me inspired, fill me with joy as I walk around in my life.
And the “Stuff I Don’t So Much Love Doing” list kept coming back to the first item I put on it: “Dealing with non-pros.” Every single thing I started to put on that list came back to the people I’d be dealing with.
For example, I don’t love chasing down money people owe me for my casting services. The fix: Deal with professionals who pay per the terms of the contract. I don’t love having my process micromanaged by people who hire me to do a job. The solution: Deal with professionals who trust the members of their team to do the jobs they’ve been hired to do. I don’t love having to explain the same dang thing over and over again to actors who seek out my advice, are given it, and would rather negotiate to hear something else than actually take it in and be grateful. How to avoid that? You guessed it: Deal with professionals who only ask for advice after doing their own research to know what it is they’re asking, and after doing their own enoughness work to how to process what it is they’re receiving.
Wow. This list-making was getting really easy. A huge, long, awesome list of stuff I love doing. And one key item that — when kept in check — makes sure that I’m pretty much only ever doing stuff that I love. Handy!
I tell this story because creatives become so accustomed to saying YES to every offer presented (that’s what happens when gigs are few and far between), that we often forget the importance of knowing when to say NO. Some gigs just aren’t worth taking. What makes an offer one to pass up? That can only be answered by one person, of course. That’s you.
My recommendation is that you establish your personal policy before the offer is in front of you. That you know your NO line going in. Set it now. Your NO line could be as simple as mine: “dealing with professionals” is on one side of the NO line, “dealing with non-pros” is on the other side. Or, perhaps yours has lots of variables.
Will you do nudity? Will you work for “copy, credit, meals” when other actors on-set are getting paid? Will you cut or dye your hair for a role? Is there a particular product or cause for which you will not pitch? Will you work “below quote” (the rate your team worked so hard to establish for you on the last gig) at this billing? Will you work “off the card” (do nonunion work, despite your hard-earned union membership)? Will you work on religious holidays? Will you smoke, handle firearms, do your own stunts? Will you portray a person outside your race, ethnicity, nationality, gender identity? Every single one of these issues (and more) can be measured up before an offer is extended… and if you’ve never created a personal NO line, hooray!
Today’s the day!
Today’s work: Set your NO line. Set it for all of the elements in the PDF above and any more you can think of. Write what next-tier YOU expects for all projects going forward on the YES side and what next-tier YOU is ready to leave behind on the NO side.
For my non-showbiz creatives, your NO line exists so this homework is for you as well. Are there certain companies you’ll not do business with (GoDaddy, for example, is a business we won’t *ever* do business with) or do you have policies about people you’re willing to say NO to, as potential clients? This is boundaries work. What are yours?
Without any judgment for what you’ve said yes to before or for what you’re still willing to do, start in on this list and set a reminder on your calendar a year from now to do it again. We have to revisit our NO line list as we move up through the tiers because different experiences bring us different relationships with our body of work and what will make us comfortable while also helping us lean into our growth!
Share your NO line below if you’d like! Share any other areas you added to your personal list.
Most importantly: Stand by your NO line. Remember that NO is a complete sentence. We needn’t keep talking after we’ve said NO. That single word is enough. (Tweet it.) There’s great power in setting a limit and standing by it. It reminds us that we’ll be there for ourselves, we’ll hold true, we’ll not cave in to pressure, we’re to be trusted with our boundaries.
This is all part of that “showing up for ourselves” that we started doing at the beginning of this course. Are you seeing how this all comes together? Build the muscle, gorgeous.
’til tomorrow… stay ninja!
