Hello beautiful people!
Let’s check the ol’ scorecard on the whole networking thing.
Welp, two-fifths of the way through that 100 at this point means… you’ve hit a networking event, right?
Good. What’d you learn?
Did you play host? Were you a good wingman? Did you focus more on being interested than on being interesting?
I hear actors say they’d like to avoid networking, hoping to “be a recluse” à la Johnny Depp. Of course, you don’t get to skip schmoozefests, avoid the press, and live abroad ’til after you’re famous. Before that happens, you must work the room. Johnny Depp earned the right to indulge his natural desire to stay out of the Hollywood hype machine after he became a known commodity. Before he was doing 21 Jump Street (or the indie film and spec TV projects he did before scoring that gig), he was out there working the room just like everyone else.
So, if you’re thinking this is a component of the system you can skip, it’s not. This is a relationship business and relationships don’t start up, get nurtured, and develop into talent holding deals in your living room. (Well… today they very definitely DO get going in your living room… but not without you doing your part, targeting the events-of-intersection, being your on-brand best, and following through.)
As with most things we’re tackling here, getting good at networking has everything to do with setting yourself up for success, creating a plan of action, building strength through practice, and following through. That’s why I started off today assuming you’ve done at least one event. Can’t wait to hear all about it!
But if you’ve not yet done an event of any kind, let’s examine why.
Do you have true north targets for which you believe nothing has happened in more than three weeks? Not one single thing? Welp, then that may mean you need to examine your market, your target buyers, your honest assessment of the path to your true north to get better clarity, right? Woof. That’s a biggie.
Of course, even just for practice, you’ve had many opportunities to hop on free Zoom events, Clubhouse meet & greets, Facebook Live interactions, online offerings from all sorts of places out on the internet (revisit Day 18 for some specifics), and that’s a good warm-up to the whole in-person networking thing you’re gonna get to do again at some point.
Are you sure you suck at this? It’s easier than you think. Like with everything, it’s a muscle to build and that building happens by getting going on the workout. That’s why many of the Day 18 suggestions were of the low-stakes variety.
Here are a few reminders for your first (or next) networking event: Alleviate any stress you might be feeling over the fact that you’re about to start talking to someone who could “do something for your career.” That anxiety bleeds through your chitchat and makes us all uncomfortable. We’re all just people and you’re a solution to a problem we may potentially have. (Read up on Directional Networking here.)
If compliments make you uneasy (which is possible if you’re in a state of low enoughness), do a totally covert type of deflection using responses like, “Isn’t this fun?” at a show reception or “Wasn’t that a great film?” after your big screening. I was really good at this before my enoughness muscle was strong. Good Southern girls are experts at the, “Oh, Bonnie! I love you! You gave such an inspiring talk.” — “Doesn’t the SAG-AFTRA Foundation put on a great event?” turnaround. (It comes from the whole, “I love your dress.” — “I got it on sale.” root, which we belles are taught as soon as we learn how to speak.) It’s deflection that keeps us comfortable, matches the energy of the compliment, and doesn’t negate the original statement (which is the worst thing you can do. See: “What a cute haircut!” — “Oh, ugh! GROSS. I hate my hair!” Way to make sure the person complimenting you feels like an idiot with bad taste).
If you have trouble remembering names, let yourself off the hook when you forget one. We’ve all been there! Think about how you feel when someone forgets your name. It’s no big deal, right? The anxiety is the obstacle — not your ability to remember someone’s name. So once you remove the obstacle of that anxiety over “how bad” you are at remembering names, you’ll find it’s actually a lot easier to get better at it!
Meanwhile, be okay with saying, “I’m sorry. I know we’ve met, but I’ve forgotten your name.” Especially when you’re introducing your contact to someone else, this is a great time to get this admission off your chest (again, remove the anxiety), since the person is now so focused on meeting the other new person, they’re not at all troubled by the fact that you’ve forgotten their name. Your flub will be glossed over and you’ll get a chance to hear their name again and employ a memory tactic that can help you seal their name into your mind.
Always remember that Maya Angelou was right! People don’t remember you. They remember how they feel when they’re around you. Think about it! Who do you love spending time with (socially, professionally, whenever)? It’s someone who makes you feel great, right? So, remember that it’s not about making an impression (which is another anxiety-laden goal, in professional settings and personal ones alike). Instead, make your goal in setting out on any networking endeavor to create a positive environment. Don’t try to impress anyone or to be anything in particular. That’s too much pressure and it really yields low returns in the end.
Relax. Breathe. Don’t drink too much.
If you’ve not yet gone, I’m serious: Get something on the books. I’m not gonna come to your house with a crowbar and force you to open the door and go out into the world; nor will I force open your laptop, take that little “security Post-It” off the camera, and make you show up for a Zoom breakout room… but I really do want you to practice building your networking (and Brandprov) skills while you’ve got this amazing support system surrounding you here in the dojo!
Besides, if the last time you attempted any networking was before you’ve done the amazing mindset and foundational work of this course, think about how cool it will be to try it all out from a new perspective! Give “next-tier you” a test-drive with this! I cannot wait to hear how it’s going for you! 🙂
’til tomorrow… stay ninja!
