Hello beautiful people!
Let’s get real about success.
Here’s what I mean: I seriously, really, absolutely, without a doubt, OMG totally mean it that I am happy when I see someone else get something they want — even if it’s something I wouldn’t want for them AND, most importantly, even if it’s something *I* want for myself.
I am certain this is a factor in my success.
Further, I am certain this is a factor in yours.
Give yourself the luxury of 24 hours of full-on wallowing in the poopiness of the situation. Really feel the feelings — all of them are valid — and then be happy for your friend. More importantly, be happy for your tier. You are RIGHT THERE, next-tier adjacent. Success flows in waves and when it starts happening for one member of your five (Day 11), it’s coming for all of you. Well… all of you who will invite it in rather than repelling it by being mad at someone else for having gotten it instead.
Think about that. When you know it’s coming for you soon, the only thing you’re mad about is not being first. You’ve not been excluded. You’ve not been rejected. You’ve not been told you’ll never get yours. You’ve only been told, “This one isn’t yours.” And really, what you’ve been told is, “This one isn’t yours, but damn, kid, you’re close! We’ll be back for you.”
And that’s worth celebrating.
Think about the difference in reactions by the “it’s an honor to be nominated” folks in the audience when the winner’s name is called. There’s the one who has good game face but you know they’re dying inside. There’s the one who flat out displays disappointment. Then there’s the one who is just as excited as if he or she or they had won. Sure, there’s a bit of “aw, man, that sucks” to come, but it’s gonna be as fleeting as the emotion you’d carry around about a hangnail. Emotions by their very nature are fleeting… unless we attach a whole lot more to them than we have to. (Tweet it.)
So when you feel the emotion hanging on longer than is healthy for it to do so, try a flip on yourself. “Wow. I care a lot. I am a deeply caring person. I have a lot of energy invested in this thing that didn’t work out the way I thought it should. Why did I need it to work out a certain way in order to be happy? Can I find a way to be happy without this result I was hoping for? Can I find a way to be happy without needing any sort of result, ever?”
I’m asking you to explore unconditional love, basically.
Because unconditional love means you experience and express love irrespective of conditions. You idle at love. You’re happy just kickin’ it in life, NOT because you have [insert condition here].
When we require conditions to be a certain way in order to love our lives, we’re giving away a ton of power. And that’s why we may find ourselves feeling like crap so much of the time. Powerlessness feels crappy. Engaging in unconditional love is one of the most powerful things you can do in life. It’s remarkable the shift it creates when your happiness is no longer any one else’s responsibility.
If you’ve ever cursed at the high-high-highs and the low-low-lows of life, getting down with unconditional love is something you might wanna explore… because it all but cures those extremes. Sure, you still register feelings of elation (and disappointment), but you’re not controlled by them. You’re not a puppet whose choices seem dictated by the whim of what’s happening around you. You are centered. You are whole.
Holy shit, you are enough and you are more castable. How did that happen?!?
How indeed.
Because you can never get to the next tier if you don’t believe you’re going to, here’s the really fun part of unconditional love that really lays the groundwork for abundance to flow into our lives. For those of us who can’t take a compliment, who have issues of “not deserving” success, whose blocks to the next tier are 100% upper-limit problem territory: Getting down with unconditional love makes it easy for us to simply say, “Thank you,” when praised. It makes it easy for us to let someone else pick up the check without putting up a fight. It lets us BELIEVE we absolutely do get to have all these next-tier goodies — and not because we deserve them, earned them, or even worked our asses off for them — but instead because that’s what’s meant to happen at this moment in time. Because “it’s ours.” This time, it’s ours.
And the celebration for that one should be just as grand as the celebration for the friend who booked the last one. Because it’s all evidence that success is overflowing around us.
Which is a pretty freakin’ amazing worldview to have.
Today’s work: Start to reframe “wins” you see around you so they feel as much your celebration as someone else’s. Reframe “losses” you’ve felt (and are still feeling) into much more transient experiences. Build the muscle for celebrating *any* forward progress you witness, as what you’re witnessing is a reminder the next tier is ahead for you too. Accept praise with grace, but don’t need it in order to feel whole. (“I am enough” works great here.) Light a candle for and mourn any non-bookings you’re still carrying around “I coulda been a contender” style.
As you’re releasing them, thank the strong emotions you’ve hung onto for having taught you so much about how deeply you can feel. You’ll use that in your storytelling going forward. Then celebrate the lightness of being that comes with no longer carrying that backpack of stress and anxiety around. Observe as others comment on how your energy is different. Smile knowingly. Because it’s nice, but you don’t need to hear from them that something has shifted. You didn’t make this leap for anyone but you and the prepaving it’s doing for the road to your true north.
Come back to this list that you’re making. You’ll likely feel resistance and the presence of strong muscles in working on this one. Good. Keep doing it.
You’ve got this.
’til tomorrow… stay ninja!
