Hello beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our topic for October!
ADMIN NOTE: Please scroll to the end of this month’s lesson for information about our live interactive mastermind meeting via Zoom. Once the meeting has taken place, its recording will live down there for you to review as well.
This month is all about Your Relationship with Doing Less.
Okay, so… when we last met up on Zoom, it looked like we were headed into a deep-dive on the Fascinate advantage you’re rockin’ out there in the world. We also had some eagerness around that most recent BonBlast I had sent out (revisit that goodness here). The idea of NOT doing whatever it is that depletes us is so yummy.
When I sent out the BonBlast after that one — a revisiting of my “when you know better, you do better” rant — I was again inspired by the replies, comments, and convos about the value in mindfully choosing whatever it is we’re doing, always.
And while I loves me a good romp through the Fascinate advantage materials, I also really adore honoring what the energy is pulling me toward. I am hopeful that this role-modeling of mindfully choosing what I do *and* celebrating doing less inspires you to mindfully choose what YOU do, while celebrating doing less too. (And we can always come back around to Fascinate. It’s not going anywhere.)
As you’ll note in the calendar section below, eclipse season is upon us… and she’s an intense one. It’s the perfect time to do less. To mindfully choose what we DO do (heh, heh… she said doo-doo).
Click any of the images on this page to see if you can enbiggen ’em.Now, let me state for the record that the decision to change directions with this month’s topic not only activated some discomfort in my Libra-dominant chart (Libras generally SUCK at making decisions without surveying everyone else about what they may want and making sure that everything is fair not only to all the people but also to all the THINGS among which we’re deciding), it also dings me in the way that all “choosing ease” type things have the ability to do. When we’re raised in hustle culture, rewarded for achievement, and generally celebrated for being good soldiers to dominant society and its twisted values, we can become quite uncomfortable while doing anything that looks like rest or ease.
As we learn more about how very twisted the values of dominant society are, and we tinker with our own setpoints for safety and comfort and ease and enoughness and joy, we start to notice how completely rigged the system is for keeping us feeling bad about aging, bad about being sensitive, bad about being creative, bad about having and expressing emotions, bad about setting boundaries, bad about choosing ourselves over the system itself, and so on. We’re made to feel as though everything that is NATURAL to us is wrong… and over time we become so practiced in substituting the system’s values for our own that we become physically uncomfortable when we “go with our gut” beyond the system’s tolerance for our autonomy.
What if — just go with me on this little wondering, here — what if… by getting still, by tuning into ourselves, by listening for our own knowing, by no longer lumping society’s values in with our own until they’re so well-practiced that we believe they ARE our values… we begin to notice that we enjoy doing less? That doing less actually feels right. That (especially once we get past the initial discomfort that comes with trusting ourselves) we can have everything we want in life — not what society wants us to
say we want — simply by behaving in ways that align with our inner knowing.
What if… indeed!
So, for this month, I’d love for you to go beyond the concept of no longer doing the things that have too large an energetic load. I’d love to see you release the need to keep doing things you feel you
should do but cannot recall whether YOU ever felt that you should do them. I’d love for us all to enjoy testing out some of the tools I’m peppering throughout this page, deciding which of them we’d like to add to our permanent collection/toolbox.
Let’s start with going all-in on whatever it is we’re doing. Really commit to the doing of it. No more of that half-assed working-while-resting thing. Go all-ass into the work, then all-ass into the rest. That’s a way to mindfully choose whatever it is we’re doing (no matter how much of it we’re doing).
Next, consider what types of rest you’re giving yourself. According to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, there are 7 types of rest. (Here’s her 2019 TED Talk; here’s the Instagram post from which these summary images were plucked.)
Notice whether you’re giving yourself enough physical, social, mental, spiritual, emotional, creative, and sensory rest this month. If you had to give yourself a score on a scale from 0 to 10, where would each of these kinds of rest land for you? Can you begin to allow yourself some more of the type of rest you’re lacking? Maybe track how you’re feeling and notice whether simply allowing for more robust and nuanced rest, you’re feeling better overall.
Don’t beat yourself up for where your score isn’t what you’d want it to be! You know I’m always going to caution you against using any of these tools as weapons on yourself. 😉 Dispassionately label the data and do some experimentation. Tinker. Play. Have fun with this!
Here’s something I know for sure: When I rest, I am more talented by the time I work. NOTE: I am fully committed to my rest. I’m all-assed about it. The same way I’m committed to my work. I’m on do-not-disturb mode during both my rest and my work. I’m mindfully choosing whatever I’m doing. And this makes a HUGE difference in the quality of both.
Beautiful in-the-moment example of how all-assed I am about whatever it is I’m doing: My neighbor just came up the stairs carrying a package that our postal carrier had left downstairs for us. She could see me through the screendoor and she announced, “Package for you, Bonnie!” To which I replied, “Yay! Thank you,” and I kept right on typing here on this page. I didn’t get up to go grab the package from her. She plopped it on our welcome mat as she’s done many times before. And the package still sits out there as I do this work.
There’s a past me who would’ve been so quick to take care of the neighbor’s expectation that she’d be handing me the package and then we’d socialize for a minute at the door or whatever. A past me who would’ve jumped to get that package inside and find out what it is. Especially if it could interrupt my workflow for a good chunk of time, of course I would want to see what this goodie is and engage with it! Yeah… I don’t know that version of myself anymore. There’s a time when I will be all-assed with that package. That time is not now. 😉
At some point in my “I take screengrabs of things that inspire me” lifetime, I received an email at my crap-catching email address from someone who had once been a provider of tarot card readings (no clue who this was or how I got on their list, probably via some woo-woo summit or something in the past few years). And they used a phrase that stopped me cold. It’s SO GOOD. Look:
“[I’m] saying no to the violence of perpetual doing.” Good GAWD, that’s glorious. Here’s this person I can’t recall saying that our cycle of “perpetual doing” is VIOLENT. And that we have the ability to SAY NO to that violence. Wow. I just love it.
If perpetual doing is violent, and we can choose to say no to it, what does it feel like when we DO LESS? It can feel like ease, growth, healing… it can also feel like energy we don’t know what to do with… like emotions we prefer to keep buried under overwork or overeat or overdrink or overexercise or overbusy or overWHATEVER.
Ooh, this one. Yeah… I remember drinking to feel better and ending up feeling worse. I remember exercising to feel better and ending up feeling worse. I remember engaging in lots of sex to feel better and ending up feeling worse. I definitely remember doing and doing and doing more, more, more… and ending up feeling worse. This is your gentle reminder that our relationship with anything we’re doing can go from
something we’ve mindfully chosen to something we’ve habituated to the point of numbness. That
the definition of poison is anything to excess. And THIS is why staying present and checking in with ourselves and
mindfully choosing EACH TIME the things we do is key.
Ah… that’s some good stuff right there. I remember noticing something in my entrepreneur groups that felt “off” (and now I know it’s toxic hustle culture adherence and it was turning me off even as I participated in it), a few years back. I called it “The Busy Olympics.” Ooh, we all competed for the prize of busiest, most projects worked on simultaneously, most Zooms scheduled that week, most sacrifices to rest and personal needs made, fewest hours slept, most cups of coffee consumed, etc. You know how it goes: “How are you?” “BUSY.” And “busy” is worn like a badge of honor.
Yeah… I tapped out on that competition while on bedrest in 2018. I mean, I had to. And I guess by being OUT of the running, I was finally able to see how much of that was going on and it was eventually comical. But not at all funny, because the truth of it is that being on the hustle “looks good” only when we measure ourselves using the system’s standards.
Are you competing in The Busy Olympics? I’m not talking about juggling a bunch of balls or spinning lots of plates because that’s what’s required of your life, time, and energy due to your goals and your needs and what brings you joy in the grand scheme of things. Remember, if you’re mindfully choosing to compete in The Busy Olympics, I’m cheering for you to go home with the gold!
BUT!
If you’re not mindfully choosing any of that, ever, I’m gonna want you to ask yourself why you keep doing that. (Probably inertia.) And then I’ll ask you if you can do less. (You probably can.) And why do I want you to experiment with doing less? Because you may learn that the amount of good stuff you’re able to experience in life grows exponentially when you’re doing less. You may learn you accomplish all you do IN SPITE OF all your doings (not BECAUSE OF them). But you won’t know ’til you experiment. And that’s what this month is all about.
More tools you may wish to play with!
Louise Hay created so freakin’ much good stuff for us. This list of 12 ways we can love ourselves RIGHT NOW is simply yummy. ANY of these is worth a doing, as we do less this month.
Here’s some more Louise Hay greatness. Including artwork by Elina P.
And here’s a little Abraham-Hicks for you too!
Next, a reminder that time is not at all that big a deal… and we can choose to start anew anytime. “A bad day” of doing (or not doing) anything we’re experimenting with is simply NBD. Choose that it’s time to reset and continue forward with the life YOU want. And just like with those LTAs above (Little Tiny Actions), and all the times we’ve brought out the brilliance of Mel Robbins and her
5-Second Rule, it’s always the NEXT thing we do that matters most.
Especially when we go with doing less, mindfully choosing what we choose to do, and knowing we’re always just one next thing away from completely revolutionizing how we feel (ever), this actually gets ridiculously easy. (Boy, does the patriarchy hate that!)
You’ve got this. We’ve all got this. It’s just a matter of staying present. Caring less. Doing less. Mindfully choosing what we choose to do. And keeping our energy clean along the way.
What if success is defined by doing exactly what lights you up ONLY?
OMG, can you imagine?
I can.
I do.
I live this.
Come live it with me, won’t you?
All my love,
Aligned Hustle Calendar
Click to grab your PDF.It’s eclipse season, y’all! If nothing else, please go easy on any peopling on and around the 14th and 28th. Bubblewrap yourself if at all possible. These two weekends are going to be bumpy in a total of FOUR houses in our charts (that’s a full third of the areas in our lives covered by the astrological chartwheel) *and* the week leading up to the first eclipse is peppered with LOTS of spicy astro. Pretty much from the 8th onward, we’ve got a shift in energy daily… during a Cardinal Sun season.
Translation: We’re doing stuff that would totally be okay in a Mutable season… during a season that’s meant to initiate, lead, and create exciting energy in our lives. A phrase to help you through this vibe: Leadership requires flexibility. I’m great at improv. Bring on the “yes, and…” games!
Remember to pop on by during Connect with Bon if a visit would feel nourishing to you! Info about timing is here: https://bonniegillespie.com/connect — no pressure, no RSVP, no replay. 🙂 I love getting this extra dose of shared energy together!
This month’s Expansive Capacity meeting is happening at this Zoom link at 12:30pm PDT on Friday, October 20th (translate that to your time zone here).
You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay up here for you to consume within 24 hours of the meeting. Hooray!
If it’s possible that you’ve never Zoomed before, for sure we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our October 20th deep dive. Enjoy!
Superfab chat action is here. Yay!
After our session today, Keith sat me down and said, “These people. This group. There’s something big happening. I watch them watching one another as each person speaks. There’s joy. There’s support. There’s awareness that this is leadership support. Bigger than we can even see yet. But they can feel it. WE can feel it. We’ve always felt it, but now they all feel it too.”
He’s not usually all that chatty. Especially after a Zoom. But I’m so glad he shared this with me, because sometimes I’m too close to something to really see it/appreciate it. (That does NOT mean I don’t appreciate y’all. OMG, I so do.) The beautiful growth and maturation of this group is simply astonishing. Think of what we can do with big, scary issues we face out in the world when we can select a resource from our many tools for breaking things down and making them less scary! And think of the lighthouse action we’re creating for everyone in our lives!
Takeaways from today’s meeting: TRUST, do less, lead like the lighthouse you are, dispassionate labeling sometimes needs to be passionate labeling, lower the stakes, and always get specific so you don’t inadvertently catastrophize or create big scary monsters out of dustbunnies under the bed. And when you need a reminder that there is ALWAYS a role model out there for anything you may want to do in life, start here: Patti LuPone.
Your Aligned Hustle Calendar for November is on the WELCOME page for you now. Enjoy!
See y’all in the comments!
Synchronicity from the first screenshot!
Alyssa Chung’s post reminded me of a new sigil I created (thanks to 44 Days With Venus, this seems to be happening a lot!).
The seed phrase for my sigil is “I Trust In Ease”.
Perfection. Alignment. Synchronicity. Love it all.
Tara McMullin’s piece today is a great read for this month’s topic. Equating work and value and how society says you have to ‘do more’ to have more value. https://open.substack.com/pub/taramcmullin/p/the-work-you-were-born-to-do?r=sr71&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=email
If you don’t make it to the end, this is the ‘summary statement’ – “I imagine a future of work where I’m not doing the work I was made to do but instead doing the work that I choose to do. And what I choose is based on the needs of my community, the skills I have, and the wide open spaces that emerge when each of us is committed to our neighbors near and far.”
Phew.
first of all, i just LOVE how you did not allow yourself to be interrupetd by the package delivery! so damn great! honoring what we are doing as important (even if it’s NOT on that BS 9-5 ‘valued’ clock) and maintaing focus—so damn lovely!
i’ve been experiencing a lot of love doing a sorta similar act: whilst in production, nothing else mattered. i mean, nothing. meaning i do as i please, do the work i want to do & prepare for the work of the day or night of performance. and SO MANY THINGS have slipped by the wayside, but i don’t care. it’s been tremendous. this period of time as it is will soon end, so i’m kinda enjoying how this feels. + the recovery i need is real so i’m honoring that.
and part of that is because there have been many stresses along the way, particularly as i realized i was not only dealing with some silly-stupid non-professionals, but also that i had to step into a position of leadership that was/is, at times, very uncomfortable. the “is” part of that is a current situation—the producer pulled me aside last night after the show and tells me he wants to bypass AEA/our contract & tape the performance to show to potential future producers. everyone is “on board” with this violation except for me and the inappropriate pressure they are trying to put on me is totally pissing me off. i’m handling it and AEA has my back, but here’s why i’m mentioning any of this—i’m feeling more & more as i continue in my work and welp, get older how i DO have to set those boundaries and NOT CARE that others may not approve, especially when their approval depends on something that’s actually detrimental.
there have been so many times in this process that tempted me to buckle and go against what i really wanted/what i knew was the appropriate choice for me (what would HONOR MYSELF). in the past i’ve buckled because i was ultimately trying to appease others, but in the end, i would end up angry with myself because NO ONE would ever appreciate the effort i made. FUCK THIS.
so yes, let’s keep loving ourselves & doing less that feeds into others’ expectations of what we’re to do! i’m so done!
even though i fear what consequences may find me for my standing up for myself, the alternative has physically felt so damn wrong these past many weeks of this production.
can’t wait to see y’all & discuss! (i’m gonna have to scoot after the first hour.)
darlings,
i have not had the chance to finish listening to the replay, but before i do, i really want to THANK YOU, each of you, for your tremendous support! i could have faced a lion roaring at me all weekend because i knew y’all had my back no matter what choice i made.
and Kim, thank you for your lovely email.
y’all are the BEST! i love that you are my tribe.
so much love,
Constance
I love you so much and I am so fucking proud of you, no matter what’s happening anywhere anytime.
y’all are the BEST! truly!
i want to get this comment under the last day of the month gun, so-to-speak.
y’all fortified me! i was the lighthouse, did not let the producer get away with shit, compartmentalized (trusted their ability to compartmentalize) & had FANTASTIC shows, and believe it or not, the cast THANKED ME for doing what i did mainly because they ultimately got PAID for the recording!
i also recognize that this producer is yet another figure of “authority” in my life who breaks boundaries. i’m getting better at dealing with these types. i used to crumble & get very depressed. now i get angry & stand my ground, even if it’s scary. soon it will be _____? i look forward to discovering that with y’all – !
so much love,
doc Z.
YESSSSSSSSS. YES. YES. YES. And you got everyone PAID to boot. I’m literally happy-dancing for you as I type! You’re such a dang lighthouse!!!
thank you, woman! & i KNOW your happy dance is something to behold!
it took a lot, and there’s still a potential likely catch, but AEA is on it & i can let it go now. woot!
Ahhhhhhhh, delightful, delicious, and delectable, Dr. Z!!!!!!!!!! Well DONE! What a huge shift in your life story of letting authority types run all over everyone! That’s massive. So so so proud of you, lighthouse lady!
thank you! couldn’t be here without y’all!
You’re the best, too!!! Whatever happened, we were and are with ya. Congrats on making it through. YOU ROCK.