Hello beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our topic for August!
This month is all about Your Relationship with Happy. Not happiness — happy. Such a powerful word, yet we throw it around a lot in life — “Happy birthday!” and “Happy New Year!” and “Happy anniversary!”
But how often do we really notice what it is that makes us HAPPY?
Y’all know I have The SMFA Dip Kit specifically laid out to help guide us (yes, us. I use it too) toward the things that get us out of dips, low spots, “the downs” with ease. Because when we’re in those cul-de-sacs o’ suckage, that’s when it’s hardest to come up with what might make us happy.
Because of that truth, this month, we’re going to undertake a daily doing based off the book Quincy shared with us last month — the book Donzell gave her (you can hear him talking about it in his 2021 SMFA Summit interview) — The Magic, by Rhonda Byrne.
Notice I did not say the goal is to be HAPPY all the damn time! The goal is to have a sense of ease around accessing happy, pulling from some lovely inertia we’ll build up together as we undertake the practices Quincy shared with us during last month’s Zoom.
Here’s a quick-start for ya:
(If you like this style of working through the daily DO of it all, the full set of vids is here. They’re posted out of order but it appears that all 28 are there, so poke around.)
So, to start this off… first thing in the morning, 10 blessings listed up, along with WHY we’re grateful for those 10 blessings. Reading out the list after writing it, saying, “Thank you, thank you, thank you” for each one, really FEELING that gratitude. (This is on page 81 of that clunky PDF linked above.) Remember the bookending process Quincy talked about last month. Before bed, we’re reading off tomorrow’s process. It’s setting up the brain for getting better at looking for things to be grateful for. Perceptual sets, anyone?
Share in your journal and in the comments below how you’re feeling about taking on a 28-day challenge with me like this. Are you excited? Already hearing comments from your brain about how it’ll never work or you’ll stop before we’re at the halfway point or any other monkey-mind chatter? If you’re planning out excuses for why it’s not happening — even before we’ve met up on Zoom to talk about how it’s going — be honest about that! It just means primal brain is REALLY disinterested in the potential for growth with this. “It’s too easy.”
Yup. The things that work often are.
And what I’m really hoping for — Baseline Criteria style — is that even if we end up doing a fraction of this work together (or solo), we’re AT LEAST ending up with a list of things that make us HAPPY.
See what I did there? š
Actually DOING the whole 28 days of The Magic? Bonus points. Ta-dah!
And if you REALLY like splitting, here’s some more nuance:
There’s a Danish word — hygge (pronounced hoo-gah) — that means a sense of coziness. The kind of coziness that is a good book, a comfy blanket, fireplace aglow, it’s totally fine if you slip into a nap at some point. Hygge.
And some relationships are of hygge caliber. People with whom we can relax. Be ourselves. Check in with our wholeness and be comfortable in the now… alone or with others. Hygge. Makes me exhale more fully just thinking about it.
Baby steps, y’all.
A Few Words from Keith
Hey everyone. Keith here.
We all know the story of kids growing up really poor… in Baton Rouge and New Orleans, and towns in Mississippi and Arkansas, and in Brazil and Haiti, and in poorer countries in Africa and places in India… we all have images in our heads of kids wearing basically rags, throwing or kicking a ball made of junk… running around laughing and singing while playing tag or some other chase game… we know stories of families with nothing who are barely scraping by that are happy because they have each other.
Proof that you can be happy while having nothing.
“An unexamined life is not worth living” is a classic Greek truth that’s attributed to Socrates. This is what we do in Expansive Capacity. We examine aspects of our lives, ultimately, to make our lives so totally worth living. Funny thing though… one of the beautiful things about a classic Greek truth is that its opposite is often also a classic Greek truth. In this case that opposite truth is that “ignorance is bliss.”
I assert that the examples of peoples with very little are often quite happy because they have no idea that life could be any different. They are blissful because they are ignorant of anything “better” they could have in their lives. But there are also stories of people who were happy with nothing, learned there were “better” things out there and became discontented, thinking that they needed those better things… then achieved things only to find that the pursuit and efforts and sacrifices made to attain those ended up making them miserable.
All that setup to lay the foundations for my relationship with happy.
And it’s going to kick your ass to come to understand that so much of the last few months of EC are all parts of being happy.
While we delve into all the life lessons that we do in EC because they give us a measure of understanding of our human condition, and in that understanding we come to find some semblance of control in our lives. We examine aspects of our lives because an unexamined life is not worth living… but understanding doesn’t bring us happiness, control doesn’t bring us happiness, and that’s why we look at everything from multiple angles.
What’s my relationship with happy?
For me, it starts with gratitude. Be grateful for the things you do have, especially the small things.
Happy comes from gratitude for what we have, not covetousness of things we lack.
In my world, we study the EC things mainly because in the understanding of the things we’re exploring our relationships with allows us to see how to better (more efficiently) spend our limited energy. Discover the things we can control and learn what things we can’t control and the why behind those notions makes it so that we don’t waste energy on things that we can’t control.
(End Keith.)
List off 5 things you’re HAPPIER for, having examined them. Using Keith’s reminder of the opposite classic Greek truths, consider also 5 things you were HAPPIER before you knew, in the whole “ignorance is bliss” category.
What do you notice about each list of 5? Anything on BOTH lists? Share in the comments any observations you have about your setpoint of HAPPY, having looked at your lists this way.
What Next Fun
Recently, we’ve been playing with the phrase “What Next Fun”. I have it written in all caps with no punctuation on one of my whiteboards. I love it. It’s nonsensical and it’s something that came out of my mouth when Keith was talking to me about growth and baby steps and backslides and all the things that happen when we’re constantly building toward our next-tier selves while doing big healing work and staying present for the whole damn thing.
He suggested a shift in the saying “It doesn’t matter how small the step, as long as it’s a step forward.” Specifically, he suggested it becomes “It doesn’t matter how small or even where the step is, as long as it’s a fun step.” To which I responded: What Next Fun!
I spend time after my Shalaym (“How’s your wholeness?”) looking for What Next Fun in my day. I do this frequently. Even when the next thing I’m meant to do at that time is dealing with tax paperwork for the student loan vultures, I can put on a hilariously scathing song while I do the work, making me laugh at how I’m yelling I’m like Alanis Morissette, singing along making the loan people into lovers who left me scorned enough to spit lyrics about them.
What Next Fun — it can be anything. And it can reveal HAPPY. Try it!
But What About…
Yeah. I know.
Sometimes some stuff just SUCKS. And it’s hard. And finding HAPPY in those moments is a big ol’ challenge. For sure.
Recently, a client was struggling with the quietness of auditions at her new tier. (Truth: The closer to NAME actor status you are, the longer the stretches between auditions. Of course, that means when a call does come, it’s likely a straight offer, and for something way bigger than you would ever have auditioned for before, but in the moment the phone’s not ringing and the C-Mails aren’t dinging, we can really feel low.)
I directed her to read the ABOUT section on this page. Matt Del Negro is an actor I interviewed in 2005 for the book Acting Qs. (Here’s his latest inspo reel, celebrating his journey as an actor, author, podcaster, and now motivational speaker.)
That ABOUT section on his website really made me think about how we kind of HAVE TO get okay with the silence between the auditions. It’s a silence that NEVER stops. It’s like if you decide to spend your life working in a hospital, you HAVE TO get okay with the smell. The silence between auditions is our version of the hospital smell. We HAVE TO get used to it if we’re going to spend our lives in that work.
When we find ourselves in CONDITIONS that are really tough to endure, and we’re trying to get to the HAPPY of life and keep coming back to “But what about…” items that make it hard for happy to show up, even fleetingly, it’s time to ask whether we’re forgetting that we HAVE TO get okay with the hospital smell. We may be living a life we signed up for — because we thought it would make us happy — and using its very qualities to NOT be happy. We knew going in what we were signing up for! Don’t hate the game, right?
List Your Happy
I have many whiteboards, as you know. š
One of them (the one that has What Next Fun across the top) has a list of things that remind me I have CHOICE in where my mind goes. I can jump up and do some Wii-Fit. I can put on an Abraham-Hicks MP3. I can take a nap, do a witchy ritual with oils and herbs, write in my journal, read a physical book, declutter a stack of papers, play a favorite song… so many things that can make my ACCESS to HAPPY a tiny bit less complicated.
I also have a folder on my computer and a corresponding one on my phone, labeled: INTEND. It’s filled with images that help my ACCESS to HAPPY feel less fettered.
The other day, an image came up that was my archive o’ the day at Instagram. So, as I sometimes do, I reposted the archived photo in my InstaStories. It’s a photo of me cracking up while interviewing three really spectacular working actors for a way-ahead-of-its-time series (you can actually see this episode here, in The SMFA Vault).
Of course, Stephanie spotted the JOY in the photo and commented on it as it came across her InstaStories feed:
This is a happy.
Small. Sweet. Subtle. And I’m going to celebrate it because THAT is how increasing our access to happy happens.
Share below what small, sweet, subtle thing you can celebrate right now, in service of making that on-ramp to HAPPY feel more easy to access.
I’m so excited for our convos around this! Spending time with y’all makes me SO happy. š
Aligned Hustle Calendar
All my ninja love,
Wanna join us for our monthly LIVE interactive mastermind meeting? Register here ASAP! This month’s meeting will take place via Zoom on Friday, August 20th, at 12:30pm PST. Translate that to your time zone here.
After you register, you will receive an email from Zoom with information on how to connect. You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay here for you to consume. Hooray!
Please post questions *here* (even though the robot email from Zoom includes an email address for questions). Thank you. š
If somehow you’ve never Zoomed before, we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our August 20, 2021 deep dive. Enjoy!
The always lively chat is here. Y’all seriously inspire me with your insight and support and presence.
As we finish up our look at Your Relationship with Happy, here are some prompts for you to play with in your journal and/or below in the comments.
~ Notice whether moments of HAPPY connect you with your inherent enoughness, your gratitude for what you have and who you are in the here and now. And notice whether any feelings of covetousness for what you lack or who you’d prefer to be have you clocking feelings of NOT HAPPY. Again, centering back to the NOW becomes a tool for preventing arrival fallacy and reminding us that there are miracles everywhere, reasons to be happy in the small, sweet, subtle stuff.
~ Begin to ask yourself what your budget is for doing things that don’t uplift you. This is an on-ramp into next month’s Your Relationship with Focus. Feel free to share what you’re noticing already, below.
~ When the work of HAPPY feels like work, feels like striving, feels like a trigger for perfectionism, clock that too. Say — out loud if it helps — “I’ve encountered a SHOULD.” And then center back to the now. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. Just center back to the now. And remind yourself the work of HAPPY is meant to feel good. When we’ve turned the work into something that doesn’t make us feel good, it’s time to remember why we’re doing it at all: to enjoy life more. Ask: What’s the very next thing I could do that would help meet that goal? Then do that.
Next month’s focus: Your Relationship with Focus. What we focus on expands. Perceptual sets. We know this already of course. And yes, coming next month: an inventory of focus. Worry not, upholders and perfectionists! I promise, this will be easy and illuminating!
You are all such spectacular humans filled with so much love for where we’re headed in the world. It feels delightful to share this space, do our leadership work, respect our emotional and energetic boundaries, practice our muscle-building, and support one another through it all. THANK YOU for including these meetings and these convos in your practice for growth. It is awe-inspiring and very special. Truly.
As always, you’re invited to start in on your workout in the comments below. It is thrilling to bear witness to your growth, to be inspired by your leadership, and to offer support at every step along your enoughness journey. So much love flowing your way!
Happy Lughnasadh / Lammas to those who celebrate. May your first harvest be lush and bountiful.
The fact that this monthās topic starts with one of my favorite songs makes me so happy! Big smile on my face right now! And yes, Iām revelling in the Now-ness!
And doing 28 days of The Magic Practice of Counting Blessings!?! I am SO excited about this! I also got really juiced, reading The Points of Power of Love. Just gorgeous!
I will admit thereās a 1% part of my logical brain that is trying to make excuses, but Iād rather go journal about the 10 things Iām grateful for instead. So here I go!
Really loved writing Why Iām thankful. That deepened the gratitude for me and anchored each blessing with specificity.
The Thank You at the end felt like a spell or a pulsing field of magical expansion. What a great way to start and end the day!
I’m with you, Laura. Noticing that part of the brain that wants to go, “Yeah, yeah, yeah” about it all, but agreeing to show up to the page anyway. I’m so glad you’re enthusiastically kicking in for this and YAY for one of your favorite songs!! š Can’t NOT smile listening to that one, for sure!
Day 3 of starting my day with 10 points of gratitude and Iām finding patterns. A) Iām delighted by the repeats of what Iām thankful for day to day and B) I felt like I could go beyond the 10 points today and write more. There is so much to be grateful for every moment!
I love that this exercise follows the lesson we learned of Now-ness because it increases my awareness of the magic of each moment.
Bon, had to tell you that I shared this 28 day challenge with my husband, and yesterday we were both joyously talking about our 10 points of gratitude for the day. It just increased the joy. Thank you!
Oh my gosh, that’s so cool! š WONDERFUL!!!
Wow. Iām surprised (and a bit dismayed) by the amount of resistance I had to the mention of the 28-day challenge. So much so, I had to step away and come back to itā¦ thatās a bit unusual, and definitely not what I expected. Some of it was because of a mood I was in this afternoon, sure, but that primal brain is indeed pulling the reins on happy. How very interestingā¦ I suspect it’s also connected to that recent ULP-iness. I am recognizing the attempts at employing some well-worn inner critic rhetoric and self-sabotages, though (doubt and fear of wasting time, mainly). So, Iām giving myself a pat on the back for that growth (even though seeing it feels icky). After letting the resistance simmer out a bit this afternoon, I just started my list. That way I can still “clap along” with you all and finish the 28 within the month. #UpholderActivated Weāll see how it goes. š
PS “Happy” is one of my favs, too. Definitely on my Dip Kit Playlist.
To be honest, I resist this one too. I think — especially for upholders with well-grooved tracks for sticking it out, even if it kills us — sometimes the resistance is self-protection. “Not ANOTHER damn thing I have to uphold.”
And also, yes, potentially ULP action with the happy of it all.
Both. And that’s why it’s extra sticky. Because it’s a combination platter. Need more Ć la carte!
I think you hit the nail on the head, Bon. It does feel like some form of protection, now that you say it. (“Resistance is assistance.”) And now I feel less “weird” or “wrong” for that reaction… it’s nice to understand my Upholder better alongside another.
It is sticky, but I’m trying. I did talk about an afternoon routine, so I’m going to slide this in there while I’m cooking lunch. My morning routine has some gratitude work in it to start the day anyway, so I expect The Magic will still do its thing in a different timeslot. Hoping for less resistance there; I’ll check back in.
I see it like Morning Pages from The Artist’s Way. I understand THE POINT to saying they must be done first thing upon waking, but for someone who turns that lighthearted commitment into a jail sentence, I say shift that shit to before bed. Or the middle of the day. Or whenever it feels right. Just do the damn thing.
It should come as no surprise that it’s precisely there that I got into trouble with The Artist’s Way. Ha. I did get through it (of course), but couldn’t really love it while I was rebelling against it. And now I get why. I think this whole Upholder thing is one of my list of 5. I’m happier for having examined it to understand myself better, and appreciate the good this power can provide. š
Yep. As I reconfigure my relationship with my upholder, I am infinitely happier and keenly aware of how COMPLETELY I was letting it rule (pun totally intended) my life.
Yup! Iāve been finding different times of day /night to do it. Totally raises the vibration.
Aww, I catalyzed a happy! I just got to that part of the page, lol. I screencap convos and comments sometimes too, I should return to them more often instead of squirrelling them away.
Spotting subtleties is something Iām good at. This work could be a way to reframe and retask that good ol’ perfectionistic eagle eye, if I can be just a little more aware of the category Iām clockingā¦ what stands out that’s good, Steph? (Where’s Waldo, but make it Expansive. š )
I loooove the little book of hygge! Itās something I keep right in our living room and pull out again and again because even flipping through it makes me feel comfortable. I especially like their ideas for āhygge for all seasonsā which gives some hyggelig ideas for times when itās too hot to curl up with a blanket and tea: weekend cabins and campfires, picnics, stargazing!
Highly recommend!
As for the daily gratitude practice, Iām working it into my bedtime routine. I find the end of the day to be when Iām at my darkest so I think it is/will be a helpful practice to redirect my thoughts before laying down to sleep. And maybe itāll even help me get to sleep faster!
That’s where I’m landing with the late-night gratitude too, Kate. Let that be my off-to-sleep thoughts. Feels good. Thank you for sharing about the hygge book! That’s brilliant to bring cozy into even the warmer months. š
I hear ya, Kate! Sometimes my mornings are so jam-packed (I’ve been adding exercise into my morning before my support job), so writing the Thankfuls at night has been easier. I’m finding that I’m noticing my thankfulness springing up easier throughout the day anyway!
I just finished reading Atomic Habits, which was an interesting companion to this monthās work because it had me contemplating happy as a habit. I also just finished the Little Book of Hygge, which sort of acted like an answer to that contemplation: a 1% change, perhaps by adding a small hygge element, compounded over timeā¦ hmm. An inviting thought.
Iāve been working on my lists, and discovered my dance training ended up on both. That surprised me and didnāt surprise meā¦ and it definitely has me mourning the boundless happy ignorance I once had. (Iām reminded a bit of the broken drinking glass story you once shared, Bonnie.) Not exactly what I expected when I sat down to journal. But then, what is happy without contrast to define it, on both sides of this listing exercise. Iām still working through the dichotomy and not sure how Iāll reconcile it yet. (Truth be told, there was a lot of crappy stuff that came from the dance realm that, to put it in Atomic Habits language, made some core habits increasingly unsatisfying. Unchecked perfectionism is one example, and one that has been slowly investigated since starting my ninja journey with yāall.)
Anyway, just some thoughts to share. š Looking forward to the Zoom!
(Side note: I don’t know how to italicize text in comments here… what’s the keystroke?)
I think you have to use HTML to get anything formatted a certain way, Stephanie, and you may not be able to use that ability from the “outside” commenting space. When I reply, I’m using the back-end dashboard of all of WordPress, so it aggregates alllllllll the comments for allllllllll our memberships and courses and one-offs that have comments, so I can answer comments all at once, across all the programs and memberships. š
From HERE, I can add HTML code.
I love the work you’re doing! Here’s the piece on the glass being broken: https://bonniegillespie.com/we-had-a-good-run
Ah, okay. I didnāt find any clear answers in my research, so I’ll just mentally add italics and ignore the little twitch, lol. š (Take that, unchecked perfectionism.)
And yes, thatās the piece. It really burrowed in me when you offered it in a Dojo response last yearā¦ My gut somehow understood it, but this is the first instance it fully crystallized for me.
On a separate note, I want to take a second to acknowledge some growth I really noticed today, thanks to all this work. After the Get in Gear Zoom, I realized our conversation was the first time I jumped in without hesitation, anxiety, or recoil. Flash back to āYour Relationship with Being Seenā (my first EC, not at all a coincidence), and itās clear to me there are definite shifts afoot in this relationship and in my own enoughness. So, fabulous Zoom aside, thanks for bringing to light a reason to celebrate! Deeply grateful for the support and safe space to cultivate these seeds.
This month’s topic has definitely coincided with some weird cosmic stuff that’s recently happened in my life…and it’s bizarre that I haven’t delved into this month’s topic of being happy until this weird event took place, and it has to do with my changing outlook on what makes me happy. A few years back, I was talking with a guy who I was interested in. We talked for like a week, and talked on the phone, and were going to go out. Had made a date at some local bar, and I was really excited. But He had catfished me using a random photo. I put his number in google and a whole new person came up (who was more attractive than the photo he used!) and when I asked him about it he called me a stalker and never spoke to me again, and I was desperately heartbroken as to why…like why didn’t it work out with me, what’s wrong with me? Pre-covid, he comes into the restaurant where I work. He’s with another guy. He didn’t know I worked there. I was their server, and I could tell he knew who I was. The whole time the guy acted like he didn’t know who I was, and it made me upset. I texted the guy later that night, no response. A few days later, his “friend” texted me, turned out he was his boyfriend…they are both in the closet. Because of my text, it prompted the boyfriend to do his own digging around and found out he was being cheated on by the guy who I was so fixated on. At that time, I would have done anything to be with this guy. Fast forward to this past weekend, the same guy comes into the same restaurant I’m working at. He’s with his high school friends, and is visibly uncomfortable…and guess who is his server again…me. He was the last person to sit down at the table, and I had already introduced myself to everyone else. When I tried to strike a conversation with the guy, he acted like he didn’t know who I was again. I didn’t mention how we had talked before, which was years ago, but mentioned his “friend” and asked how he was. He acted like he didn’t know who I was talking about…and the rest of the table noticed the tension/awkwardness from his end. Near the end of the meal, one of the women gets up and goes to the bathroom. Not planning this, we run into each other in a quiet corner of the restaurant and I talk to her. I’m feeling upset (woe is me, why is this guy being such a douche, what did I ever do to him mentality) I tread lightly with her and finally I explain to her the situation…just talking about the situation to her made me emotional and I could feel myself getting choked up and she said to me ” He is 40…he’s not going to change”. I’m a believer in the universe sending people into your life for some reason or another, and that’s why I was so upset seeing this guy…he was what I thought would make me happy, and this feeling hadn’t gone away for years. On my ignorance is bliss Happier list, I put down “Being in a relationship with this guy”. I used to feel such desperation on the inside to be in a relationship with a guy, and this guy has always been in the back of my mind. But seeing him now at 40 still unable to accept his sexuality makes me realize how the people who I have looked for to give me this sense of fulfillment in being happy in my 20s will actually never make me happy…. I’m about to be 30, and I feel that I’ve spent the better portion of my 20s chasing the feeling of being happy in damaged men. I could have been the one cheated on by this guy, and although I felt deep sadness and rejection for never having gone out with him, I see that as a dodged-bullet and huge blessing in disguise. I’m not sure if any of what I just said has to do with this month’s topic…but deep down inside I’ve always equated being happy with being in a relationship….and after this weekend I’m starting to question how to be happy as a single individual, not independent of the love of a man.
Thank you for sharing this, Peter. Itās perfectly timed with this monthās topic, and I celebrate you and this āhuge blessing in disguiseā of self-value, self-care and self-love.
Ooh, Peter. So so so good. Love the work you’re doing here and I applaud you for coming here and sharing your workout.
I’d love to see you do a list of “what makes me happy” and notice how many times the items on the list are within your control vs. without.
Then do another list of “what’s within my control” and notice how many of those things have the ability to make you happy.
Make the goal to focus on those things on the “what’s within my control” items that make you happy, more than anything else. Because really, that’s all we’ve got. And that’s a lot of power to give away to others, to circumstances, to things outside our control.
Sending you love and hugs and hope to see you on tomorrow’s Zoom!
This is beautiful, Peter. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Woke up and revisited day 86 through the Perceptual Sets link, and Iām very thankful for Keithās reminder:
ā I want you to shift your brains so that your sense of wonder at how good all that mindset work feels becomes your new normal.
Basically, if you think about Bonnieās mindset shifts as an actorās high, a creative high, an emotional highā¦ I want you to come to understand that you need to start seeking to stay high all the time.
Itās a simple notion, but itās actually a lot of work to tone those emotional muscles up to the point where you can sustain that.ā
I am thankful for this because it reminds me that change is a gradual process, and feeling safe with new thoughts, feeling safe in the Now, feels wonderful! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Ah, thank you for bringing this over… that toning of emotional muscles is a good way of explaining what I’m coming up against. I do get tired, and yes, sometimes it totally feels like less work to just be melancholic or detached. I’m glad of your reminder that nothing is actually wrong, I’m just on a gradual path to build endurance. <3
Gonna catch the Zoom replay. Have a self-tape and content creation slated for today. See ya on the flip side!
Loved this month and noticing “the happy” I’m pretty good at it and loved playing the song and moving along with it. With caring less, being in the now and more gratitude I find I’m living in segments – maybe I like the concept but it doesn’t flow as well for me and I miss the flow. This is because of so many more social things to do in life – I can smooth it out – when I’m so much in the now it’s hard for me to recall things that are in the past or future it takes concentration to get into the macro – if that makes sense. More of the real world is coming back so I need what I call the flow. I’ve got it. Segments are always good when needed I’ve used them many times during my life.
What I’m noticing is my lack of patience and that brings on a flash of anger. This is an issue I’ve worked on many times before and it is flaring up now. Years ago in the 90s or Oughts Richard Gere was on Oprah it was a great show, he’s so charming, then at almost the end Oprah said I’ve noticed something about you that’s very different from the many times we’ve met before. He was a bit shy but said I’m less angry. He said he found that as he was more patient he was less angry. I’m paraphrasing horribly but was a life changing lesson for me and I’ve lost track of it. My anger feels self-righteous – eek. I working on it – when I felt my anger rising yesterday when checking out I felt it rise, saw it, thought oh this is impatience and it’s unfounded, I don’t have anything else to do. I can practice patience right now and let this spark of anger go – I am not better or more entitled than the person in front of me.
It will be so good to see everyone on zoom!
Where is Mars in your chart, Judy? That could give some clues as to the root of that anger. š
I’m laughing and crying at myself. I read where’s Mars in my chart and whined to myself – how am I going to find that it’s too hard to do so I don’t have to look it up that’s not where my anger is coming from. I’m laughing so much I’m a slug. So then the nagging thought – you have your chart all you have to do is get up out of bed and go get it – then I think well I’m going to have to figure out what mars is and look at that little chart oh ick I don’t want to. I go in open the file drawer go to Astro chart file – I have my whole families – my chart is on top I grab it by the time I’ve settled back into bed and lifted the front sheet – oh there is the first sheet listing where my plants are – thanks Bonnie now my face is red, I’m so lazy.
And boy did you hit it on the head my Mars is in Scorpio which means I can get dark – OH and that last sentence which I know is true but deny “you’re always low-key plotting revenge against someone” tells it like it is. Yes it’s boiling under there and now I feel like I have a hair trigger – it’s noticeable. Thank you I hope by noticing it I can diffuse it. As I’m practicing patience I can also give myself the task of being grateful and forgiving. What else is there to do?
I have to watch our zoom – I had a HOA Board zoom from 9:30 to 12 got ready started ours and got so exhausted I thought I’ll just lay down on that guest bed behind me and listen i woke up as it ended. I’ll watch today I’ve enjoyed this month I like dancing with the “happy.” I love you Bonnie and the people you gather around you, I’m so happy to be one of them..
We’re so happy you’re one of them too, Judy. Glad you got some rest!
Definitely a Scorpio Mars has LOTS of fire and bite and such an edge… seems to come from out of nowhere. Glad you found that I have all that mapped out for you in your You in the Stars report. š Yay!
One of the healing balms for Scorpio Mars is the question: “What if everything is exactly as it seems?” Scorpio doesn’t like to believe that, but it’s a lovely question to get curious about where some of the energy is coming from. Scorpio LOVES to transmute and change things. So this shifting relationship with anger could be a fun project to play with!
Everything is exactly as it seems – seems the same to me as – it is what it is. I like to see the truth in the moment but I don’t always or I don’t accept it easily. Yes that can cause me anger. I like anger I’m not afraid of it, it’s powerful when it’s warranted or needed but destructive when left to run rampant. Patience I’m like to jump ahead. Yes Stephanie I think part of the anger is at the anger too – eek. Curiosity is good, to have a deliberate task of noticing where it’s coming from. It’s already lessened since I realized I’m going to be drawn to that edge.
I’m looking forward to Focus month. I’m out of focus – more in focus than I was a few months ago but I’ve got lessons to learn I want to be engaged more. xoxo
For what itās worth, Judy, Iāve been getting some flares of anger lately too. Iāve got a fiery Mars like you, but mineās in Aries, in retrograde. (Iām wondering if this might be why I get angry, then get angry at myself for being angry, lol.) At this point, Iām just clocking it and giving myself permission to feel angry; itās hard to fight fire with fire. And interestingly, this lets it move. Like you say, noticing it can allow it the space to diffuse.
My gut says my flares are a combination of hitting some walls energetically, and of *gulp* growing. š (Mythologically, this makes sense- Mars is also a god of agriculture in earlier Roman texts. If something is growing, heās got something to protect!) I offer that Bonnieās āeverything you feel is correctā helps me, tooā¦
Tackling some of the on-ramp early, and Iāll just say it now: I have a massive budget for things that donāt uplift me. This goes back to patriarchal programming, Iām sure- be a good girl, suck it up, itās not about you, youāre such a trooper. And Iām finding I’m still good at itā¦ that upholder will almost always put her focused bulldoggedness to work and get that shit done! But it certainly doesnāt honour me or my (lacking) boundaries here. Like we touched on in the Zoom, itās a symptom of misapplied upholder superpowers. āIāve encountered a SHOULDā is going to be a refrain. Interestingly, boundary work is tugging on my pant leg in a few places lately (good, I’ve caught on before it’s gone into full tantrum mode).
Thereās also a bit of a tangle for me here to consider with next monthās work: focusing on/doing things that donāt uplift me but uplift others, thereby uplifting me in the aftermath. (I did a good! I helped! Someone feels better! Hereās some praise!) Or, doing things that uplift me only after Iāve done them. (Ta da, the thing is done! I persevered! I finished what no one else did!). This smacks of enoughness work, and in my journal I asked āCan we devise a reward that is equal to or greater than what we receive if we battle it out?ā What might that look like, you ask NTS? Not sure yet. š Itāll be less Wonka Bar-ish, anywayā¦
We’ll be digging in on that last paragraph as a part of September’s work for sure! And I’d ask if you can consider whether “such a trooper” is what you want on your tombstone. Grim prompt, I know, but let’s play with that. Upholder for the sake of being a good trooper may have kept us safe as children but where is it serving us when it comes to our True North visions for ourselves? Does Oprah care if I’m “such a trooper”? No. In fact, that quality could block my path to that convo under the oak trees at her Santa Barbara ranch.
Chew on it a bit. This is going to be disruptive in all the good ways.