Hello beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our topic for April!
This month is all about Your Relationship with Overwhelm. Let’s start with definitions.
Remember when we dug in on the a-ha-moment-producing info that ANXIETY is not an emotion? It’s the physical symptoms that happen when we prevent ourselves from experiencing the emotions beneath? Yeah. That’s still some really big stuff when we stop to think about it. To experience it. To live it more and more.
Anxiety becomes less of a big ol’ bad guy when we experience it, place a hand on the heart, take a breath (exhale longer than the inhale), and connect with the underlying emotions… even for a moment.
Welp, overwhelm is a lot like anxiety. It is the manifestation of a collection of reactions to what the brain is interpreting as DANGER combined with the awareness that it’s NOT actual physical danger we’re facing.
Overwhelm is executive function’s way of convincing us to believe the amygdala’s primal instincts using non-primal issues.
Overwhelm is how our evolved brains smartly get us very well plugged into fight-or-flight with nothing more than a massive to-do list facing us.
Now, obviously, sometimes overwhelm comes from something far more treacherous than a piece of paper with our writing on it, but MOST of the time, I’m betting overwhelm is for you like it is for me: a lot of “modern problems” using primal brain to get me to freak out.
So, first of all, let’s get granular: Does overwhelm cause in you the response of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn? (Let’s just go with these 4, even though some research limits this list to the big 3 while other research expands this list to 6 and even 7 F words.)
If you’re not sure which of these is your go-to, here are some really helpful graphics with varying amount of words on them. š
Notice how, on at least one of the above graphics, OVERWHELM is listed among the expressions of FREEZE. So… overwhelm puts us into fight-or-flight state with our primal brain and one of the options we may choose to feel safe (freeze) actually creates the feeling of more overwhelm.
Neat trick, huh?
Good job, Gloop. You’ve found another inroad. You’ve dressed up in a new costume and done some next-level trick-or-treating at the house with the good candy. Well done.
Now you. What’s the primary go-to of these 4 options, when you find yourself overwhelmed? Share below or in your journal (or both).
Next… let’s use one of our best identity-displacement tricks to help put overwhelm in check.
No more “I am overwhelmed” or even the phrase I just used above (“when you find yourself overwhelmed”). Instead, let’s play with, “I’m experiencing overwhelm,” or, “There’s a sense of overwhelm around this issue for me right now,” or whatever creative distancing technique you’d like to try. (Share your favorites in the comments below.)
Of course this brings me to…
You guessed it! Another AUDIT! š
This month we’re going to track overwhelm. When does it show up? What are we doing when we notice it? Can we dispassionately label it and log in a journal which F response we’re having? (It’s okay if we can’t do that yet; this could continue to be pretty activating for a while, ’til we unlearn some fired-together/wired-together brain stuff.)
I’ve written about — and livestreamed about — OVERWHELM before. My primary advice with this has always been: If you’re using overwhelm as an excuse to do nothing when what you actually crave/want/need/desire is a BREAK from taking action for a minute, stop doing that. Just take a damn break. Own your feelings about the growth that’s happening. Don’t blame your to-do list! It’s not the problem!
Some specific nuggets from the second of those links:
Growth is often like straddling a faultline. The earth is moving beneath us… and there’s a part of the brain that’s terrified the world will crack open and swallow us whole.
One of the most common symptoms of rapid growth is overwhelm. That’s one of the reasons I welcome it. See, when symptoms hit that once would cause me to freeze, stall out, focus on my perfectionism and all the imperfections I can judge from that position, or otherwise derail my goals and dreams, if I roll out the welcome mat for them, they lose their power.
Hear this: What makes overwhelm feel so impossible to conquer is that we’re doing our best to ignore it, shove it down, soldier on in spite of it, all the while judging ourselves for being so weak, so quick to throw in the towel, so imperfect.
What a bunch of BS that is!
If instead we stop for a moment; notice that what we’re feeling is a SYMPTOM of growth; WELCOME it as a sign that we are, in fact, growing beyond our comfort zone right now; and then continue moving forward without regard for optimizing the next best step, we may actually grow in a healthy, lovely way.
And of course, in that post (along with the livestream replay), I link back to the first of those links I shared above.
Here’s the walk-thru that I provided back then (y’know, when I was for the first time revealing that I had been on bedrest for most of the young year at the time of that post):
You have an audition that doesn’t go so well. You decide you suck. You know your agent’s gonna drop you because this is the third time you’ve been in that office without booking. Maybe they’re right. This is all so hard.
Okay. Let’s try that again, separating sensation from story.
You have an audition (SENSATION) that doesn’t go so well (STORY). You decide you suck. (STORY) You know your agent’s gonna drop you (STORY) because this is the third time you’ve been in that office without booking (SENSATION). Maybe they’re right (STORY). This is all so hard (STORY).
How’s that?
Better?
Let’s look at the only actual sensations in this situation: You have an audition in an office where this is the third time you’ve been in without booking. The end. Everything else? STORY.
And that means everything else is 100% optional. How much of the sensation do you want to blow up with all those story elements right now?
SOMETIMES it’s good and practical to think of the tough stuff and get to work in fixing it. But sometimes? We just need the pain to fucking stop.
Okay. Good?
Can you add the sensation/story labels to your overwhelm audit? I know I’ll be doing it. Shit, just rereading that blog post all these years later gave me some really lovely reminders of how many powerful tools I have access to, all the time.
Speaking of which, we ended last month with a li’l bit of Mind Gems action and I’m gonna put all of that here too because I want to bring these back, possibly even in our live Zoom if y’all remind me! š
Here’s Dr. Louise Swartswalter sharing her adaptation of Dorothy Wood Espaiu’s Geotran Field Clearing work:
Let’s have fun with this. No overwhelm necessary. I think when we remind ourselves — through the gift of dispassionate labeling, stopping and FEELING the feelings beneath the anxiety of overwhelm, and doing things that help us engage the brain with less Gloop/more intention — that everything we’re feeling is CORRECT, we make it safe to have the sensations we have. We allow ourselves to be where we are with things. We stop using whatever the brain cooks up as a weapon against ourselves.
Remember? You’re living a life in which you’re meant to be ON YOUR OWN DAMN SIDE, right?
I’m so excited to chat through all of this with y’all! Truly, no overwhelm here. I take in ALL the joy and expansion and growth and eagerness that comes with doing these explorations with you. And I delight in all the places we go together!
*smooch*
Aligned Hustle Calendar
Remember to visit during Connect with Bon if that would feel nourishing to you! Info about timing is always here: https://bonniegillespie.com/connect — no pressure, no RSVP, no replay. š
All my love,
This month’s Expansive Capacity meeting is happening at this Zoom link at 12pm PDT on Thursday, April 13th (translate that to your time zone here).
You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay up here for you to consume within 24 hours of the meeting. Hooray!
If it’s possible that you’ve never Zoomed before, for sure we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our April 13th deep dive. Enjoy!
And your ever-fabulous chat is here. Yay!
Just a bit of non-overwhelming homework for the rest of April:
~ Do some Mind Gems! Even just — like Judy mentioned — doing the 12 count is enough. You don’t HAVE TO do the Bonnie-makes-a-beak-and-pokes-herself-in-the-eye thing. At all! Just like tapping; you *can* create a shift in energy just by concentrating on the points and settling your breathing down. Use this as a tool for feeling overwhelm. See what happens! Keep tracking it in your audit.
~ Continue that audit! Yep. Just observe. No judgment. We’re practicing dispassionate labeling with this part of the work and it really does help the overall reduction of judgment for everything we do. Just allow yourself to observe, track, and keep moving along. This is fabulous muscle-building and it’ll benefit multiple areas of life (most of all, how much you let yourself off the hook for things that previously have been weaponized).
Next month, we will dive in on Your Relationship with Your Energetic Load. This is the way we’ll label our look at handling transitions, using discernment in how we budget our limited resources, the choices and compromises and consequences that go with all of this allocation of energy we’re ALWAYS moving through life managing. I suspect this will be really eye-opening and resource-filled by the time we’re done co-creating it! I love exploring with you!!
Your Aligned Hustle Calendar for May will be up on the WELCOME page by Thursday of next week at the latest, so check back for that as you wish. May’s a pretty tense month, astrologically, so of course we’ll be able to huddle in our safe space with one another to make all that nonsense feel less pressurized.
Remember that Connect with Bon sessions are available to you ’til we meet again for Expansive Capacity. No RSVP. No replay. No stress.
I love you all so fucking much! *smooch*
So hereās a particular brand of overwhelm Iāve been feeling recentlyā¦ Itās the overwhelm of tending to my hyphenate skills. Part of me is thrilled to have so many options (and lucky to be finding more), and part of me is just overwhelmed by trying to take care of them all, keep them all āin shapeā, and still function IRL. I think itās pretty easy to spot the fear driving this- fear of not being ready enough, fear of losing the skill, fear of being put on the spot. Guilt/judgment is also in there, that somehow Iām neglecting or letting down past-me who poured time and energy into acquiring the skill. And guilt that Iām blessed with this dexterity and Iām complaining about it. Fun.
I think one of the reasons why this is popping is because Iām carrying a big olā Should. I āshouldā have an organized, perfect artist schedule to run each of these horses through sunshine and rainbows in turn. But upholder rebellion strikes, thereās a lot to handle, and frankly, some skills just donāt light me up at the moment. Forcing myself just makes the thing feel icky, and what help is it to feel worse?
I also have the ghost of burnouts-pastā¦ Part of me knows itās not possible to fuel everything at once indefinitely, part of me thinks itās necessary anyway. Now, I donāt think necessary-voice is really mine, I think it germinated with a specific dance teacher who drove me into the ground in repeating burnout cycles (the worst of which actually got me into on-camera acting, so kintsukuroi). There was/is a pressure to always be āonā, to never expect or need a rehearsal period. The less time you take, the more valuable you are. For better and for worse, a lot of my roots as a performing artist come from those formative years and experiences, and they are now interwoven with everything.
I donāt think thereās an easy answer to this, and the strategy itself isnāt entirely wrong. There are absolutely realities where being ready pays off, and also realities where you get a rehearsal/training period. The voice is keeping me safe, but itās gotten twisted and become a bit of a weapon. Things to try as I catch myself this month: notice the voice for what it is and challenge how true it is in the moment, feel the fear and go with what lights me up anyway, work on trusting I will be aligned with the right skill set at the right moment. EC go-tos, lol. Doesnāt make them easy. But ease around this would be really nice.
I always love how you process this work! And I appreciate how completely you share your processing. I know there’s way more underneath it all, but this is so juicy and good and I love how you notice when tools become weapons. Well done! Labeling it is half the battle. Maybe more.
I know we worked through some of the logistical part of this overwhelm in JFDI. I’m excited to chat through the non-logistical/illogical part of it in EC shortly. š You’re the best.
I so relate to this, Stephanie. Esp fear of losing a skill or not focusing enough on one. Iām in a similar boat of feeling excited about all the avenues I have to explore but sometimes it feels by choosing one in a specific moment Iām actively not choosing the others. Getting ātoo passionateā about one thing has me lose steam for another. I know I simply canāt do it all but that doesnāt stop my brain from trying to analyze a loophole for that. & with upholder tendencies it can take some time to distinguish what is is continuing to light me & what is just giving me the satisfied feeling of committing to something.
These are really great distinctions and I’m loving that you’re catching them so completely. š That’s great work you’re doing, there!!
Unrelated to this month’s topic, but related to EC in general: So, remember around this time last year when I posted about feeling wobbly and weird over being paid my highest ever for voiceover in the form of a kill fee? Well, I booked a gig last Friday that paid triple that number for less work. It was booked straight off my reel, and I recorded it at home. The payment cleared this morning… and Iām not spiraling out! In fact, Iām doing fineā¦ happy with my work, happy to have the unexpected cash (thanks universe, more please!), and happy to not feel that guilty/low-enoughness wobble. Yay for growth! Just wanted to share that nugget of accomplishment and reinforce the growth for my own brain. š
I. Am. So. Thrilled. For. You.
Not only for this event (huge. CONGRATS!!) but also for your clocking the difference in activation this experience has created in you, in just a year’s time. That’s evidence of SUCH good work!
Thrilling all the way around! Yay!
See you sooooooooon.
Awesome, girl!!
WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!
So I totally underestimated my ability to get shit done ahead of leaving town tomorrow to celebrate my partner’s birthday so I’m going to miss our group today which I’m pretty sad about (Bon, you know how much it means to me to be there live and in the mix). I hope you all have a beautiful session filled with insights on overwhelm (and no, it’s not lost on me that I’m basically too overwhelmed to make the session on overwhelm hahaha). For me, my go-to has always been 100% FAWN. I’m so glad you included that one in the usual 3 fight/flight/freeze characterizations. Through my years of therapy and subsequent c-PTSD diagnosis, I was so glad to hear that one and see it named by my therapist, and to learn about it because it is what I do to a T.
I’m looking forward to watching the replay and learning more, and seeing all your shining faces. <3
’twas a great meeting and I’m excited to hear how the b’day celebration goes! We missed you and will catch you in comments as you enjoy the replay. Love you!
So I don’t know that this has ANYTHING to do with our topic for this month, but I have some pretty awesome news and I’m kinda bursting to share it. Maybe it has to do with doing the Mind Gems in our Zoom session and being a bit more grounded. Maybe there’s some astro happening. But I put together this awesome meeting in my capacity as Chair of the Festival Outreach Committee for AWD (the Alliance of Women Directors) with the Executive Director and several of the top mucky-mucks of Slamdance as well as our (AWD’s) ED. The meeting went really, really well. They’re stoked about working with us and definitely want to form a partnership. We have another zoom meeting in about a week. But a funny thing happened during the meeting — or rather as it was about to end. One of their executives said, “And Kathi, on our next meeting I want to see at least a couple more awards back there behind you.” What?? I was startled and then I laughed. She continued, “I mean, hello? that’s pretty amazing what you’ve got back there.” I thanked her and sort of joked that I’d do my best. Hah! Hah! And then I didn’t think about it again.
Cut to two weeks later. I was notified that my latest film, something that I never, and I mean NEVER, thought would even be accepted into a film festival not only got accepted into a festival, it got accepted into TWO festivals and won its first award. WHAAA???!! To say I was gobsmacked is an understatement. I mean, I made this short as a proof of concept for a feature I was hoping to make and, unfortunately, during the course of the pandemic the writers decided to pull their option because “it was taking too long.” So… all my hard work (and money) went right down the drain. But when things started opening back up again and festivals started back up and I started getting submission discounts last year for AWD members (in my capacity as Chair) I thought, “hey, what the heck?” and decided it couldn’t hurt to send it out — it hardly cost me anything (and in some cases it actually cost me nothing). So… surprise! Maybe this gal from Slamdance and her energy and decision that I needed to win some more awards put something in motion? Maybe it was just time for my career to get a little kick in the ****
Anyway… I’m pretty stoked, if you can’t tell.
Wow Iām celebrating you and this good, great news! ā¤ļø
You are SO next level, Kathi!!!! Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely celebrate this everywhere!
Thanks you guys! it does feel great!! ā¤ļøā¤ļø