A couple of weeks ago, I had the great fortune of moderating a panel of professional actors and casting directors for the Center Theatre Group’s Student Body at LA Stage Day. Not only were the kids filled with brilliant questions about their future career, but the panelists were generous, insightful, and funny as hell. Already a fan of Ari Stidham‘s work, I was thrilled to share the dais with him. But the more I heard him talk, the more I was sure that we would be working together someday. For such a young actor, this guy’s got wisdom about our industry that outpaces many who’ve been engaged in the hustle for decades. Here’s some of that wisdom, just for you!
Practicing Proactivity
Folks of the acting world, take a breath, you are not alone. I am with you.
I have days when feel inadequate in my career choice! I have days when feel like I’m not enough for my family and friends! I feel weird at parties talking about what I’m “working on”! I binge watch television shows instead of living life like a normal person! I am an actor! I am a living person and I am scared of the future!
Homecoming parties are the worst, people. Muggles and normies galore. Everybody wants to know what everyone else is up to, and everyone wants to brag. I can’t help but feel inadequate after being asked a hundred times:
“Ari, how are you? Still acting? What have you been up to?”
I don’t need to explain myself, but I still feel I have to, like acting isn’t enough. I can’t boil down the frustration, the anxiety, the hunt for confidence, the bravado, the toil and overall harshness of imminent rejection in a four-word retort, but I do my best:
“Oh, you know… auditions.”
The lack of stability in acting (and the worldwide knowledge of that lack of stability) had been weighing down on me, and I needed to take the reins of my career (and life) back from this idea that I didn’t have to “work” because I have an agent.
That was just baloney. I kept on asking myself how I was going to become the actor I wanted to be. How was I going to feel okay if I wasn’t auditioning? How do I survive a dry spell? How do survive another party?
I’m not worried about being famous. That’d be fantastic, but daily I’m just worried about getting the next gig. And after every gig, I think I’m never going to work again. And then I get stressed. It leads to too many inner monologues about my career, and I realized I’m not okay with feeling like this. Stress.
Stress is real when you’re not working. This year, I figured out the key to nipping stress in the bud (or butt) for me is by being proactive. It’s hard wait around for your agent to find the right gig. That’s a part of it, yeah, but you should be hunting too. You shouldn’t twiddle your thumbs waiting for the spotlight; you should be ready to assume it if it shines on you.
I started spending time researching casting directors, following up with ones that had cast me, and I got a commercial agent. I started booking more because my confidence level was boosted. But, I still wasn’t the guy I wanted to be. I’m not talking about typecasting, I’m talking about Ari Stidham: actor.
That period after “actor” drove me nuts. It still does right now looking at it. So, I began to write. This means I’m in the process of hyphening, which doesn’t have many rules or regulations. You just learn how to do what you want to do, and then you do it. You do it a thousand times until you’re good at it. You do it halfheartedly, you do it carefully, you do it at a hundred percent, and you’re still not going to be good yet.
It’s the practice that makes you good. I am not a good screenwriter yet, but I get better every day. It takes dedication.
In a roundabout way, falling on my face at writing has helped me become a better actor, because I force myself to write something every day. That’s the only way I’ll ever get good. And after an audition, I went on a writing break — I realized that if acting falls by the wayside, I’ve lost my hyphen. So, I applied the steps I’ve taken with writing to my acting career. And I feel good about being an actor. I remembered why I loved it before it was my job. I like playing pretend.
“Work” as an actor for me is all the grey areas. I read the trades online, I get Breakdowns (shh… don’t tell anyone), I coach with casting directors when I can afford it, and I keep myself active and in practice. I know people’s names, I know which casting directors I want to get in front of, and I know what roles there are out there for me. I’m not dependent on my agent for information; I’m never more than a few steps behind him.
If everything is dry, if there are no roles, if I can’t reach out to anyone, if I have nothing to do for my career that day, I watch shows that I don’t follow. I learn the tropes; I see the types of actors they hire.
I can tell you everything about CSI: Miami because I watched most of it online in order to nail procedural auditions. I know that I don’t belong in *ANY* CW Shows because I just don’t have the smoldering capability (or jawline) necessary for their shows. I don’t think I’m ever going be on that channel. But if they go in a different programming direction, I’ll be first in line. That’s work. Booking a gig is just fun.
“Ari, I haven’t seen you in a while. Still acting? What have you been up to?”
I still hate this question. It haunts me. But, I can answer it honestly now and I no longer feel bad about not working.
“I’m just getting really good playing pretend.”
I’m a part of this business because I like it. I want my career to be long and I want my bank account to not be empty. There are good days and there are bad days, but there is never a day wasted. It’s easy to be proactive. You just practice.
Speaking as a fellow hyphenate, I can totally relate to everything Ari has shared, here. There is NEVER a day wasted when we’re plugged into the creative process that fuels us — whether we’re being paid to play pretend or not! Look for more fantastic “shares” from Ari, here (I may have talked him into doing a few of these articles, as well as sitting down with me for an old-school interview). When I look into the eyes of the folks who I *know* are helping recreate what success in this business looks like, I get totally motivated. Being a hyphenate is not optional, these days. Find out what comes after the period you currently place after the word ACTOR. It’s a lovely thing!
About Ari Stidham
Ari Stidham is an actor-writer-director currently residing in weather-confused Southern California. You may have seen him on Huge (ABC Family), Glee (FOX), Mike and Molly (CBS), or The cLan (MachinimaPrime). “Cuter than words!” — probably somebody when Ari was a baby.
This contribution originally ran at Bonnie Gillespie’s online column on June 1, 2013.