Hello beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our December Expansive Capacity exploration!
As you saw in this month’s reminder email, I’m proudly presenting the start of our collection of what will probably be a wee book someday featuring the Expansive Capacity tools we know and love and enjoy using so well.
Ready? Here we go!
We’ve got 5 categories so far.
~ tools we use with others
~ big-picture tools
~ quick-fix tools
~ mantras
~ reminders
I’m still building these pages, so lemmeknow if you see another category worth adding! (Or if anything I’ve already built needs to be recategorized.) My master list of all the tools we brainstormed together during last month’s Zoom still has another bunch o’ tools to get Canva-i-fied. OMG, I so love co-creating with y’all!!!!
All righty… click to enbiggen… I’m excited to get your feedback!
Seriously love the heck out of ya!
Aligned Hustle Calendar
Personally? I’m really looking forward to our alien overlords coming back and putting things right, here on Earth. 😉
Remember to pop on by during Connect with Bon if a visit would feel nourishing to you! Info about timing is here: https://bonniegillespie.com/connect — no pressure, no RSVP, no replay. 🙂
This month’s Expansive Capacity meeting is happening at this Zoom link at 12pm PST on Tuesday, December 19th (translate that to your time zone here).
You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay up here for you to consume within 24 hours of the meeting. Hooray!
If it’s possible that you’ve never Zoomed before, for sure we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our December 19th deep dive. Enjoy!
Your ever-lovely chat is here. Yay!
I love us.
Just gotta say it.
The quote from the quantum computing dude: “We don’t need any more fundamental breakthroughs; we need tiny refinements.” (Here’s the 60 Minutes segment.)
And that’s what these workouts are about. Come together, practice some tools with our real-life situations, CELEBRATE our progress (especially when it’s wee), have a group with whom we don’t have to do a whole bunch of backstory-sharing to get up to speed with what we want for ourselves, and just soak up the vibe.
Ah… again, I love us.
Let’s keep sharing our tools, our practice with tools (or with ass-hats who help us remember we have these tools for a reason), requests for workouts… whatever lights you up to share here! Remember, complaining is the EASIEST way to connect with others. Do the more cognitively difficult move!
And — especially when you have that ping of “better than” showing up — remember, it’s not that you’re comparing yourself to OTHERS and feeling better than them; you’re comparing yourself to OLD YOU and knowing you are a better version of yourself today. YAY! Time for another ticker-tape parade, babe!
Your Aligned Hustle Calendar for January 2024 is on the WELCOME page for you now. If you’d like to see the year-ahead woo webinar I did, head over here: What’s up with 2024? Enjoy!
I love you all sooooooo much. Thank you for your youness. I bask in its glow.
Wow Bonnie, I love this becoming a book, the pages are beautiful! I’m so sorry you haven’t been feeling well I didn’t know. I will trust you are getting better and am glad you’re in the comfort of family.
My life gets better day to day like nails growing. I see it, I’m living it and it’s because I’ve incorporated our tools.
I’m loving and accepting the life I’ve built and am building now, it feels good. I’ve been working with my computer guy and I’ve taken my website down and set up a LinkTree page to point people to my book, IMDB, YouTube and email. We’re cleaning up my IMDB page so pictures that were on my website will be there. When I’m done I won’t have to visit the spots again they will be up and posted forever or so. I do have to pay google $6 a month to keep judy@judykerr.com and I’ve paid a low fee to GoDaddy to host that website name for another ten years. I coach a little bit and I don’t charge anymore, the best is with my granddaughter! I’m really looking forward to my 85th birthday in January, I’m planning on being 100% healed from my knee replacement then.
Continue getting better Bonnie! We are all pulling for you!
I love all this, Judy!! And you’re a January birthday, too? Yay for January!!
This is all such great stuff!!
Love you!
Kathi
Thanks so much Kathi so glad we’re on this trip together. Love how you handled your “rewrite from first page” that can be annoying but you’re moving on. I love all the love Norman Lear’s been getting this week. We do have to keep putting our energy out there to see where it’s going to land.
Happy Birthday Judy!!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ you are my inspiration, my pace car, my shero!
Thank you Laura – I love that I’m a pace car. I’m coming to understand this old age I think. I like it, it’s okay, I can take it!
Ah, thank you, Judy. This has been such a wild ride with my body the past few weeks. Not stressing about it… just taking the time required to heal and feel more myself, whatever that happens to be now.
You are INSPIRING me about the whole non-website life!! Ooh… what a smart way to get people links they want/need without having to keep up a whole site anymore. Brilliant. Keeping this concept handy for when that’s the kind of thing I’m ready to do someday.
Here’s to such a beautiful new birthday year ahead for you (and all of us, your fans, family, and friends), Judy! Thank you for encouraging me about this being some sort of book. Who knows what lies ahead!! 🙂 Always an adventure, for sure!
I’m glad you’re getting through this attack – I hope you will recover stronger and Mala keeps giving lots of affection and companionship. My Sister Cat grief is letting up I have a big anxiety stuffed cat and a smaller bean bag sized one that I reach for all night long – so nice. I am going to get another cat or maybe a small dog in the next few months – I’m thinking one will come to me.
Saturday I was making a trip to Sherman Oaks to hang out with one of my daughters and I woke up so afraid of driving an hour to LA and I thought I need help and started thinking I know I have tools. My Louise Hay designed affirmation came to me the first line is – Rest, securely knowing only right actions are taking place in your life right now. (It goes on) It’s safe to be me… and a few more words I need. As soon as I said the word Rest, the fear started dripping away. I was able to move into trust and acceptance.
I did print the pages you designed and cut the bottoms away and stapled the pages together so they are handy to pick up and look at. I know these tools I’ve practiced them all and I like how you’ve grouped them.
I want your body to be tough and strong again – I see you on the pole, you can do it! Love you so much I appreciate you, so many days either you or the EC group make it onto my gratitude list for the day.
Simply gorgeous.
Love you!
Had a BIG interview/meeting this week… and I didn’t die! YAY! It seemed to go well. I know that I was more “myself” than I generally am in these types of things so yay for me. But no decision as of yet (it’s a directing fellowship for next year — we’ll see).
And a few days before that I met with my writing mentor on my newest script (a TV pilot) and he basically tore it to shreds — a page 1 rewrite is now in the works. And I didn’t die. In fact, I’m doing better about that than I usually do — no depression or down feelings. Just: okay, lots of work to do, gotta dive in and get started. The ups and downs of life, I guess. But I’m noticing that even if I’m not consciously using the tools they are there, humming in the background, guiding me and making the life path all that much smoother as I go along. Kinda nice, I must say.
So proud of you, Kathi! WTG on all the big things… and living through them with some really great enoughness intact too! Yay!! Keep on keepin’ on!
So NOT happy that you’ve been down and not well. BOO! I hope you’re feeling a wee bit better now (or even MUCH better) and getting better each and every day!! MWAH!!!
These are gorgeous Bonnie. Thank you so much. ❤️
*smooch*
Bon,
These are absolutely lovely. Such beautiful visuals!
Aw, thank you, Aaron. I’ve been having so much fun envisioning all of this as some little reference book. 🙂 I’ve also got a BUNCH more concepts written up on notes… so many tools I forget how often I use ’em ’til I’m really looking at the process of my day-to-day. See you sooooooooooon. XO
Truly happy holiday season to all! I have a family event and won’t be on the zoom. I’ll see it this evening. I’d like to know how your health is Bonnie and the shattered glass tool has been so important to me. I’ve used it a lot I poured my gratitude into Sister Cat and the grief has eased. The last look she gave me filled with love for me was worth everything. I celebrate it.
She was my life purpose another tool that somehow I credit Keith for. Now I’ve passed my life purpose onto Bill Kerr I get to help him out and earn credit in heaven for leaving him with three daughters 10, 11, 13 while I went off to be an actress. It’s funny I never stopped loving him for a minute that was never the issue.
I’m going on too much – sorry I’ll be missing out live but I’ll love hearing what’s going on. I’m happier I feel like I’ve walked thru a door maybe my birthday door, I can handle whatever comes I’m enough with my team. That seems so loud to say that.
Looking forward to hearing how each of you are. ❤️❤️❤️
Oh, Judy, I love you so much and I love all of this you’ve shared. THANK YOU for this update. I *love* that you and Bill are having this time together. So beautiful. Healing. And your daughters benefit from this time too. Wonderful!
Keep crediting Keith with all of it! He’s a genius… and a lot of our tools here are things he didn’t have words for ’til I helped solidify some of the concepts. We’re good together. 🙂 We’re sending you love. You’ll enjoy the replay and of course, come back to the comments with any little thing. LOVE YOU.
Y’all, the universe is just…mwah *chef’s kiss* sometimes. Who knew an opportunity to use the tools would be so immediate. lol
So I just closed my laptop from our beautiful meeting and I see I have an Instagram notification (I’m hardly ever on there, but my friend is having a Christmas gathering and that is where the group chat is) so I open it and the first thing I see is a post by a woman who I have given literally thousands of dollars to for her “expertise” on all things acting biz, etc. She used to have a brick and mortar business called The Actors Green Lounge here in NY, but she closed it right before the pandemic and went 100% online and switched/morphed her business. I bought an 8 week course back in 2018-2019 (I can’t remember which year) that I believe was really the beta testing of what she is offering now, and thought my life was going to change professionally (it’s so prestige! Life is going to change for you!) as a result of doing all the things she suggested, which included I think maybe one 2 hour Zoom a week. Spoiler alert: It did not. The only good tangible thing I got from it was meeting Robyne in that course, my now friend and co-producer of our webseries Peri-Street, for which I will always be grateful for, at least. After that I still stayed in the online space of the Lounge, but slowly it turned into such a hard sell place and really outrageous pricing imo. (In fact, I really railed against her $400 price tag for 45 minutes of her time before I enrolled in her course, so I went against my gut and what it was telling me back then, and I regret it). Fast forward to now, and I had a nice big rant on my fb page I posted like last week (not naming anyone at all) where I vented about the insane marketing I kept seeing these days from her (again not naming her or anything specific) and plenty of others in the “helping actors space” of the internet. I felt good after I wrote out how I felt, and I stand by it.
The post I saw on Instagram today after our survey of the wonderful-tools-we-have-meeting was her, SCREENSHOTTING MY POST, making a little cartoony art thing out of it, and then adding her, “someone is triggered!” *giggle giggle* response to it. As I sat there, starting to read it, I could feel my heart beating a little faster, activating the low enoughness well in which I used to draw sustenance from, and instead STOPPED. Put my hand on my heart, took a deep breath, and then I literally CARED LESS. And then POPULATION OF THIRD-ED. And also thought of Chani Nicholas, whose phrase I also have screenshotted “what if care was out greatest currency?” and knew in that moment that the way she does business is NOT AT ALL ALIGNED with who I am, and who I wish to be. I already had unfollowed The Green Lounge on fb, and unsubscribed to her endless *urgent urgent urgent must join now and pay $10,000(!!!) for our 6 mo program or you must not be a serious actor* marketing emails but I realized I missed unfollowing her on Instagram since I’m hardly ever on there. So, doing that now too. But you guys, the immediacy with which the universe gave me an opportunity to use the tools was just too serendipitous not to share with you.
Keith, I can’t thank you enough for the simplicity of CARE LESS, which was the first thing that popped in, so I need to give you props for that. I have such gratitude for the help and guidance this whole group so lovingly gives. Woo! Thank you, next! 🙂
SO. EFFING. PROUD. OF. YOU. Cue one MASSIVE ticker tape tool-usage parade for Kellye!!!
oh my god, Kellye, i am proud of you, too!
also, this woman is a fucking MENACE! seriously BAD. i know her by reputation alone and she’s a fucking fraud. so if a fraudulant figure tries to mock you, then of course it’s because you are the REAL DEAL and you’ve seen through their shit.
GOOD FUCKING LORD!
i’m still proud of you!!
It makes me happy that you think of me when you care less. “Care Less” is my modern take on Greek Stoicism combined with Taoist philosophy, so also give yourself credit for leaning on the old masters…
I’m excited and thrilled that you were in a great head space to deal with that dingle butt. I would throw glitter and confetti, but that’s just not my style.
SO.PROUD. OF. YOU!!!
If this woman is who I think she is, she used to send emails to BOTH me and Dave. I promptly unsubbed. He complained for awhile before I told him to unsub as well. I hated her severely HARD sell style — just did NOT appeal to me. And to do THAT??!! Ugh! Care less is right. In fact, in this case — care NOT AT ALL!
You are a ROCK STAR!!
Fucking MASSIVE parade, here!!!!! WOW~! The universe… she is NOT subtle! LOVE this. LOVE your swift and masterful use of the tools. LOVE YOU.
ding, ding, ding!
buckle your seatbelts, darlings! it’s going to be a bumpy holiday in Zaytounville! but guess what, i’m not taking the fucking ride!
i love that Kellye & i are getting our first tastes so soon after our call. haha! i cannot thank y’all enough for all the beautiful tools we discussed yesterday.
my freakin’ sister (never trust Nancy) is already trying to set the bait & lure in Marc, too. (maybe because she’s doing that i feel even more fierce here—step off my honey!!) she sent me some hideous thing written by Howie Carr re: “blind privilege of Dems, the ivys, & antisemitism” (as if these conservative assholes aren’t antisemetic!), and she says she would love to hear Marc’s comments. yeah, RIGHT!
so i’m pulling out my atomic tool first: NEVER TRUST NANCY. i’m setting a boundary (told her i don’t value Carr & won’t engage) and maybe, just maybe i’ll find a way to throw a love bomb. the best i can do right now is step back and find it curious that this is her behavior with me (and Marc). she knows DAMN WELL that we are on opposite sides of the fence politically. while i cannot attribute motivation, her acting out toward me is clear. and it appears most often when she needs to discredit me. wow, i guess there’s a whole section of my family that i can throw into that population of 1/3s. cool! i care less!
the best feeling these days is that while my relationship with the sisters grimm is well, grimm, my relationships with my chosen family & the neices i adore are glorious! it’s obvious the former really don’t care about my well-being. something else is going on there. not ONCE did one of them ask anything about my work in 2023. all they do is COMPLAIN to me (there it is) about our parents or send hideous shit. contrast that to my neices who showed up for Opening & all the peeps who came to the show, with many of them who traveled from NC. i’m so lucky to have these people in my life!
and y’all, too, of course!
our group & our tools will fortify me this holiday, i know!
so many smooches, y’all – !
shower ephiphany!
i was contemplating on how i feel (depressed) & why, even with all the smarts expressed above, this situation with my sister bothers me…
i can’t believe it’s taken me so long to identify this—i don’t feel safe. period. when i’m around my family at large & in particualr, my sister’s grimm & their spawn, i don’t feel safe. and for good reason.
i mean, duh, but wow! i’m over 50 and these OLD PEOPLE and their attitudes & actions make me feel attacked. (and well, they have literally attacked me, so there.) mind you, i have other siblings who don’t think like me, but their behaviors don’t make me feel unsafe.
anyhoo… talk about circles of safety.
thank you for letting me share. i need to marinate on this one…
love y’all!
I’m going to offer you, the cook, a different visual than “marinate,” if I may…
Consider that you’re not marinating (which is early-stage cooking), but instead, maybe you’re digesting things that are clearly done cooking. There’s no more stewing in it; you’ve gotten to the bottom of it… you’ve found the feeling that’s at the root of this particular trauma.
And you have very effective tools to deal with “I don’t feel safe.” Just note that when you find yourself falling back into either your “overthinking” or your “blame myself” modes (or both), that it all boils down to (FOR WHATEVER REASON) you not feeling safe. There’s no blame to lay for that. It’s just a fact. When you don’t feel safe, deal with that… using whatever tool you have available in the moment, knowing you’ll have other tools in other moments if it comes to that.
…and you’ve always got me whispering into your ear on whichever shoulder the little red guy stands, letting you know that getting “stabby” is never an invalid choice.
Delivered, of course, with love, respect, and joy
I love the visual of this — “a little Keith on the shoulder.” Hah!
We need to make little dolls!!
Keith, yaaaaaaas!!!!
digestion is where it lives! i love that metaphor & there are so many more places i want to take it. thank you!!
driving down shortly & will report back. thank you for the stabby permission, too. not sure how it may be delivered, but that’s okay too.
so many smooches & thanks for the shoulder coaching!
Love you. Never trust Nancy.
Wow, what a tough, tough month and a great one for the use of the tools, all the way around. I’ve found the expectations around this month to be suffocating and I never really realized why until we dug down in my therapy sessions and realized that, as children, we were pretty much always blamed for “ruining Christmas” every year for my mother. Every. Single. Year. Yay? So even though she’s gone and I no longer even SEE my brothers or any member of my family, for that matter, the “ghosts of Christmas past” are always present.
This year I also had the 1-2 punch of (1) the Page 1 rewrite and (2) being turned down for the directing fellowship that I applied for.
So, okay, the Page 1 rewrite was a bit disappointing but not totally unexpected. I usually expect to do some rewriting on my scripts (sometimes a LOT, LOL!). So… I wasn’t necessarily expecting a FULL rewrite, but okay. He said some “nice” things about my writing, too, so it wasn’t all bad.
But… the fellowship? I wasn’t just disappointed. I was literally stunned. Totally and completely UNexpected. This was the first time I applied for any fellowship that I hit every qualification (even over-qualified for some of them) and had a letter of recommendation (written by Mary Lou Belli) that was better than anything I could dream of. Oh, and the script I submitted had been described as, “characterizations that feel three-dimensional bordering on real” and “the script pulsates with verve in a way that shows us what it means to be human.” (there’s more, I just won’t include all the good stuff here) I can only guess that they didn’t like ME and want ME in the program. Which, as you can imagine, came very close to sending me on a not-great spiral with a lot of lumping. Care less? I couldn’t even. I cared WAY TOO MUCH I guess.
Oh, I’ve spent a LOT of time since I received that email working on my lumping and splitting and not letting this spiral me down into a dark place (which in other times and in other instances, it very well could have). I’m not saying that I haven’t had some dark moments because I have. I am definitely grieving this loss. But I am also renewed in my motivation to produce this project on my own, or at least find a co-producer who will help me get this done. And I don’t believe I will submit again — I mean, why? I would be basically submitting the same package that didn’t get accepted this time, except I might substitute a different screenplay. But I don’t think that was the deciding factor (although they aren’t saying what was — but I made it to the final interview so I’m taking it that the screenplay was fine since it got me to the final interview).
The biggest loss for me in all this is feeling on my own, which has been the biggest loss of my life, of course. I never had any support from my family for my career. None from my parents (they wanted me to be a concert pianist or anything OTHER than who I was). None from my brothers (they’ve never even seen any of my movies). As an introvert, and one who has a more difficult time finding and gathering that support around myself, I was hoping this could be a way to interact with my fellow AWD directors and have a supportive group of women directors and mentors through this process. That is the biggest loss — that I am now (still) on my own through this process. Obviously I. have Dave — he is still and always my biggest supporter. And I have you guys in this group. I feel like this is the first time I’ve really vented like this but I’m thinking (hoping) y’all understand.
Okay… enough for now.
Kathy, dear
i’m so sorry this didn’t work out for you. i well-know the “on my own” feeling & empathize with the feeling of “missing out,” especially in this tough business. i’m heartened that you’re motivated; that’s terrific! & i truly believe something else will meet you down the road. i’m not sure i’m the best support on something like this, but i want you to know I hear you & am sending big hugs & love.♥️
Connie, your support is felt and appreciated. And I, too, believe that something else will come “down the road.”
{{{hugs}}} You’re safe, Kathi. I know a post like this can come with a vulnerability hangover. Proud of you for opening up. I’m sorry you didn’t get what you wanted. Glad you have lots of tools to pull from, and totally understand that they can’t always work… especially when we care so much.
You mentioned something that I want to run a highlighter over because it reminds me SO MUCH of a situation from decades ago that may help, seeing as you know the parties involved. 😉
So, there’s this thing in Georgia (and in lots of states, each by a similar or slightly similar name) called the Governor’s Honors Program, and it’s a thing that high school sophomores apply to do the summer between sophomore and junior year. SOMETIMES juniors apply to do it the summer between junior and senior year, but that’s probably less than a third of the 600 people a year who end up getting accepted across a couple dozen academic focuses.
I waited ’til my junior year to apply (mainly because I was in my first love bliss during sophomore year and my priorities were all about our relationship, not about academic scholarship opportunities) which turned out to be great because that meant Faith Salie and I could go together (something we definitely wanted to do). Since she was a year behind me in school, this would be the only combination that would allow us to do it at the same time, and of course we were both certain we’d get in. We were both pretty “famous” as acting in Atlanta went. Both on the exec board of the North Springs drama club. Both working professionally, as well as in school shows of course.
So, we apply. Audition. Get called back. Audition again. Do the interviews. It’s all very “Flashdance” panel-of-scary-people in tone. LOL And then the letters come and I start packing and Faith starts crying. She didn’t get in. I tried to encourage her that she’ll get in next year and it’ll be okay… and she’s shocked like you are. It doesn’t make SENSE that she didn’t get in. Like, she’s THE actor in our school. And in Atlanta. And in a touring company. And… it’s just WEIRD that she’s not going. But, we figure she’ll get to go the following year and of course she applies and auditions again… using a bunch of my tips for what they’re likely looking for, now that I’ve had the amazing experience, myself.
And again, she doesn’t get in.
Here’s why, I’m betting.
She’s overqualified.
And when you said that you overqualified for some of the criteria for the fellowship, it reminded me that sometimes with these things, they don’t WANT people who have nothing to learn, nowhere to grow, nothing stopping them from being at the top of their field whether they get to do programs like this or not. It’s as though being overqualified can get you disqualified because there’s this perception that you’re in a different peer group than what the rest of the field/participants will be.
So, consider that it’s possible that your overqualification — something you feel proves you absolutely should win this fellowship — is exactly what “dinged” you, for them.
I know that doesn’t ease the pain of it, but it may answer that weird question of, “HOW could I not get this when I’m MORE THAN qualified” in some way.
Again, {{{hugs}}} and love and thank you for bringing this here and continuing to use your tools. You’re so talented and we all know it. There will be something else. Just look at Faith. 😉 Clearly, her NOT being a part of GHP didn’t hurt her career all that much… Emmys, Off-Broadway shows, NY Times bestsellers… y’know… she’s okay. You will be too. XO
Thanks Bon for the perspective and the little bit of background about you and Faith that I didn’t know.
I had thought about the possibility of being “overqualified” although I shrugged it off because with the other fellowships I’ve applied to in the past the people who have been accepted have always been WAY overqualified and it felt odd that this one would be the exception. But who knows? Maybe.
Eh… I’ll probably never know. Time to make my own way and forge my own path, which I’ve always done anyway.
Hey Kathi,
I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling more upbeat and moving past this now. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the fellowship, what a bummer!! Their loss, but I’m also certain something else is coming to you!! The resonance of your experience really hit home for me, and gave me something I had to reflect on for myself, too. You’re definitely not alone. So, thank you for sharing so vulnerably. <3
This or something better!!!
Ah yes Kathi the worst! I too believe there will be something more that will make up for this. I hear you too more love and hugs!
Checking in on you, Judy… saw the “big waves” and was wondering how high the surf got at your place
Thanks, Judy! Opportunities often come out of nowhere — often better opportunities — even this came out of nowhere so I keep reminding myself that this next year should be interesting and I have no idea where it will lead, but if I just keep moving forward I’ll be okay. More than okay. I appreciate the support!!
All is good here thankfully! Lots of excitement surf is pounding. ❤️
I’m sooo late to the party, but OH MY GOSH this is gonna be an awesome book!! It so beautiful to see the journey in these pages, and I’m so grateful to be a part of this journey!
Aw, thank you, La Trice. That means a lot to me. I’m eager to get back into the creative cave to keep building more of these pages. Knowing you find them appealing makes me motivated to do more of this. 🙂