Hello beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our November Expansive Capacity exploration!
As we celebrate 5 years with the Expansive Capacity container, we’re changing things up! I’m not introducing a specific topic or building out a curriculum page in support of a deep-dive. Instead, we’re going to shift into practicing the use of the many, many, many tools we’ve begun using over the years, here.
Because there will ALWAYS be an opportunity to use the tools we’ve been practicing, the goal now is to become so very aware of which tools serve us when that we can be IN a moment of activation and still — blindfolded — reach for the tool we most need, trusting we know exactly what to do with that tool, every time.
First, a listy-look back at the topics we’ve done deep-dive explorations with, these 5 years: the industry, partners, money (x2), your body, your intuition, expectations, time, forgiveness, leadership, permission, boundaries, your stories (x2), manifesting, certainty, daily practices, happiness, self-care, success, failure, belonging, being seen, your true north, should, change, desire, receiving, joy, caring less, now, happy, focus, attachment, the rules, vision, surrender, withing, anger, the mind-body connection (x4), people pleasing, trust, unbotheredness (x2), what’s not get-back-able, the big wrong, plans, overwhelm, your energetic load (x4), yourself (before & after edition), and doing less.
WOW, right?
Can you just take a second and love on yourself for going into all these places (or whatever number of them YOU, personally, have been able to go with us) and even looking around?!? Just the act of going within and considering where you are with any of these topics could be a lifetime of work on its own. And here you are having really explored, having thoughtfully discovered, and having played with shifting your mindset about so many things… for the better!
Impressive.
So, what do I want to put here, on this glorious page?
Some of the images I’ve come across or screengrabs I’ve made while looking at words out on the internet seem helpful right now. As always, click any to enbiggen (if it’s enbiggable).
No matter what’s going on — out in the world or even in my own home — I can simply choose calm. Can you? Do you use any of the Expansive Capacity tools to calm yourself and your nervous system? Which is your go-to? Which seems to be most effective? And if you’ve never played with the tools to try and achieve calm, can you experiment now? Between now and the time we meet up for our Zoom? I’d love to know what works for you!
The value I find in being calm is that I suddenly have the control I probably always FOUGHT to have throughout my life — fought through hyper-vigilance and lots of obsessive micromanaging — but it’s actually even *better* than that type of control. It’s deeper. It’s not even something I’d label as “control,” honestly. It’s more like centeredness. True peace. Enoughness. Withing that feels really good. Or even neutral. An Energetic Load I can manage with ease.
Ah…
We’ll play with this during our Zoom if you’d like!
Closing off last month, I said this: TRUST, do less, lead like the lighthouse you are, dispassionate labeling sometimes needs to be passionate labeling, lower the stakes, and always get specific so you don’t inadvertently catastrophize or create big scary monsters out of dustbunnies under the bed. Do you KNOW you are a lighthouse? (Recent reading; less-recent reading.)
Do you know how to lower the stakes? How to step out of the (Karpman) Drama Triangle? (Recent reading; less-recent reading.) Or… HARD TRUTH TIME… do you actually enjoy being caught up in the drama?
No judgment.
But if you enjoy being caught up in the drama of things, that’s what you’re gonna get a whole lot of in life… and there’s no complaining about what you attract when what you attract is something you (not-so-secretly) love. (Check out Existential Kink for more on that concept. It’s basically the upper-limit problem of The Big Leap, but written by a sexually expressive female author rather than an old white dude.)
Before I share one last pair of images from my travels ’round the internet for this month’s page, I want to copy/paste something from the comments in one of the membership threads over at our Teachable space. The prompt for this answer from me was, basically, “Why is self-love so hard?”
This answer is not only great, it’s essentially a summary of what we’ve been doing here in this elite mastermind all these years. Here goes!
Okay, so the reason self-love is so hard is because the more we love ourselves/believe in ourselves, the more likely we are to stray from the pack. Meaning, primal brain says “STAY SAFE AND SMALL. STAY THE SAME AS YOUR PEOPLE. DO NOT STRAY FROM THE HERD. YOU’RE EASIER TO KILL IF YOU LEAVE THE PACK.”
So, there are gimmicks in the brain specifically designed to make us less likely to be different from our relatives, move away from home, do jobs that are different from what is acceptable in our families, marry outside our race or religion or beliefs or values, and on and on and on.
EVERY time we feel a shot of self-love, there’s a much more powerful part of the brain screaming, “THIS IS NOT OKAY!” and that triggers the shame response in us. Shame is a tool that helps the opinions/judgments of others take hold in our own thoughts to the point that we will shame ourselves into staying small/safe/same rather than risk being outcast from the pack. Because outcasts are easier to kill.
This is also why it’s hard to come back and visit the fam after we’ve been away (and that’s “away” in terms of geography, beliefs, gender identity, whatever else makes us “other” to the pack). They smell the “other” on us. They smell the “out group” on us. And that means we may have been tracked by a predator and they (the fam) need to make us feel as though we cannot come back to the pack, because if we come all the way back, we could lead the predator to them and it would kill them all.
So. Shame is the tool that makes us feel bad about loving ourselves unconditionally. We have a LOT of conditions that must be met, per our original programming and all the childhood/early adulthood reinforcement.
How’s that? 😉
Thank you ALL so much for allowing my growth and expansion here. It’s fascinating how it has mirrored the growth and expansion I’ve seen in so many of you, over all this time. Aren’t we a FABULOUS group?!? I love us!
Since we’re making up benchmarks anyway… and since Capitalism isn’t here to save any of us… and union members are striking and wars are being waged and lives are ending… where do we go with our centeredness? How do we connect with our enoughness? And how can we love on ourselves unconditionally so that we understand how incredibly powerful we are, RIGHT NOW?
I’m eager to discuss all of this with you. What feels like love? Let’s do more of that!
See you in the comments ’til our Zoom!
Aligned Hustle Calendar
So, let’s just say there are fewer expressions of big astro in November than there were in October AND the intensity of those November woo events should be felt more on a macro level than on a micro level. Meaning, we’re gonna see some big world stuff going down… but we’ll feel safer in our own skin than we may have felt in October.
The few days I’d be sure to bubblewrap would be the 11th through the 13th. The 17th, 25th, and 27th also have not-so-gentle transits for us. Take care of yourself. Remember you have lots of tools — woo and otherwise — to pull from, always.
There’s still time to score that $11 discount on my Astrology Vision Board Party! happening November 18th. Just put in the code ECLIPSE over here at checkout before November 4th and you’ll be all set with lifetime access to the goodies, whether you can make it for the live event or not! It’s gonna be SO much fun!! NO astrological knowledge required to build the most powerful vision board you’ve ever had. Yay!
And of course, I’ll encourage you to pop on by during Connect with Bon if a visit would feel nourishing to you! This is a free bit of facetime for members in ongoing programs. (Hey, that’s you!) You can find the Zoom link + info about timing here: https://bonniegillespie.com/connect — no pressure, no RSVP, no replay. 🙂
This month’s Expansive Capacity meeting is happening at this Zoom link at 11am PST on Thursday, November 16th (NOTE! This is after the end of Daylight Saving Time here, so be sure to double check the timing as you translate that to your time zone here).
You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay up here for you to consume within 24 hours of the meeting. Hooray!
If it’s possible that you’ve never Zoomed before, for sure we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our November 16th deep dive. Enjoy!
Your oh-so-fun chat action is here. Yay!
We covered SO MUCH GROUND in today’s Zoom! From alien visitors to World War 3 and from Caboodles to colonoscopies, we went there! My plan is to head into Canva after this weekend’s Astrology Vision Board Party! and do a prettied-up, clustered version of our TOOLS LIST based off the brainstorming we did together. If you notice any other tools you reach for and love to use, please pop ’em in the comments here so we can continue to populate this abundant and masterfully helpful bunch o’ resources for weathering the world that is ours… in all its mutability.
I’m excited for our time together from here (not that I’m not always excited for our time together, on all timelines, in all realities). More and more practice — scratch that, rehearsal — with these tools and more. As you collect life experiences that you’d like to pop on the agenda for future months’ explorations, do share! I’m not prepping a formal curriculum ’til something feels like it really needs our collective deep-dive energy and attention. I trust you’ll make it very clear when something meets that criteria in your life.
I cannot begin to express with accuracy how very much I treasure each of you and all of you. We are a special bunch and I’m so incredibly grateful that we’ve found our way to this space together. What magic we will continue to create!
Your Aligned Hustle Calendar for December is on the WELCOME page for you now. Enjoy!
So so so much love!
Love this Bonnie I’m calmer! The tools work, life is sweeter. TRUST works. Shame still works too I’m saying with a smile.
I do know how to get calm again when I’m out of sorts.
I’m grateful I have you and this community to be guided by. Five years, it was so exciting to be asked to join that Alpha group so life changing. Thank you.
I love you so much, Judy. Thank you for affirming how all of this has helped you. The calmness is so lovely, isn’t it? Shame is DEFINITELY still a very effective tool! And isn’t it nice to be able to smile at it, knowing it’s got a job to do and, hey, we’re human! 😉
❤️
My day is packed I hope to be able to check in on the zoom for maybe a half hour or so – if not I’ll see you all on the replay. I’m happy I’m letting go of some fear and the calmness is in me. Less is more. ❤️
Looking forward to seeing you all in a couple hours. The concept of trust in self is probably the most compelling thing I’ve integrated over these years. Because if I trust myself, to me, that means I LOVE myself, and consider me sacred, and that has led me to the practice of not feeling like I always have to look for the authority in the room and never believing that authority could be me. And that part has taken half a lifetime to take in, to believe could be true. Makes me think of the alarm I now have on my phone (one of many, thanks to Bon’s suggestion) that says “It’s safe to change” that will go off at set times. I do think this mastermind and this group of souls has helped me change and trust myself more than any years of regular therapy could. I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am for you all. See you soon. 🙂
I love this! And you know I’m gonna delete “And that part has taken half a lifetime to take in, to believe could be true” and replace it with “I now believe that could be true” (removes the story of how long it took). 😉 You are doing SO GREAT Kellye. I really loved your alarm going off during our Zoom. Those self-trust reminders are so valuable. And they DO work!
Deletion noted, and integrated. 😉 And those alarms on my phone: I kinda can’t remember what I did before you taught me how valuable they were. So glad and grateful because they never fail to make me stop, put my hand on my heart, and breathe them in. 🙂
I may be a little late to the zoom — but I will be there!