Hello beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our topic for October!
This month is all about Your Relationship with Trust.
Do you trust that you’re enough? Do you trust that you are held? Do you put an expiration date on trust? Do you trust that you are on your own damn side? Do you trust that trusting yourself is possible?
Y’all.
When the decision was made about this month’s topic, I had a quick thought of, “Okay. We’ll revisit TRUST,” because I was certain we had done a month on this before. Then I went to my folders o’ topics for Expansive Capacity and found… no TRUST. Huh?!?
Sure enough, it’s been on the list of topics TO DO, but never done. I’m surprised, but then as I dug in on the content for this month’s page, I began to see why diving in on this topic is pretty dang sticky. Of course, it doesn’t have to be!
That’s why we’re going to tackle it together. Because when we isolate and then zoom WAY IN on a topic, suddenly, it’s not that big an issue in our lives. AND, hopefully, we use our tools to help us integrate the less-big-a-deal version of each sticky topic into the WHOLE of what living our lives IS out there.
Man, I love this group and the work that we do here!
Circles of Safety
Can’t say it enough. You’ve GOT to be in a good ring of the Circles of Safety in order to TRUST. That’s a fact and we’ve all lived through having our trust broken because we either never checked for where we were in the Circles of Safety first *or* we were outright being lied to by people who now live in different Circles of Safety than the ones we had them in before.
If you need a review on Circles of Safety, I’ve got you covered right here:
We shared a wee bit of this story last month during the Zoom, but let’s break it all the way down now that we’re in a month focused on Your Relationship with Trust.
To set the stage: We had just finished a session here a few months back (pre-Mala and during a previous Mercury retrograde, in fact) and Connie texted me to show me a screengrab celebrating that she had just left the family text thread AGAIN after ANOTHER wave of unpleasantness with some members of her family.
I decided to share a personal story with her, by voice text (clearly, not something I do often enough to know how it all works, but enjoy this audio file just the same).
.
This is the story called “Never trust Bill.” The three words of advice that — had they been given to me at the age of 18 — would’ve saved me more than two decades of heartbreak as I continued to give my oldest brother yet ANOTHER chance to hurt me.
I’m not saying everyone should attempt a full-on write-off of a relative! Everyone’s various trust-breaking situations will be different (as will be their remedies for such situations)! I am, however, suggesting that — when someone continues to break our trust — putting that someone into a different Circle of Safety is an assertion of boundaries that demonstrate enoughness, self-love, and a level of trusting OURSELVES that may be challenging at first.
Trusting Ourselves
Ugh. Let’s get in on THIS one.
Do you trust yourself?
I remember in early sobriety hearing about how one of the biggest changes would come from everyone around us suddenly trusting us more than ever before, because we’ve finally stopped breaking our own trust. By sticking to our commitment (to arguably the most challenging breakup we’ll ever face in life), we would somehow become more trustworthy to everyone in our lives in ways we never imagined.
That blew my mind a little bit, and now that I’m coming up on 6 years sober (October 16th, y’all!!), I can really see where self-trust has a lot to do with the way others will feel about trusting us with their own vulnerable bits. In witnessing us be true to ourselves, through the hard of it all and not just through the easy of it all, others trust we’re going to be true to them too.
Lately, I’ve been navigating a non-sober version of eating sugar. Meaning, even when I’m NOT eating sugar, I’m only abstaining. And abstinence is NOT the same thing as sobriety.
Keith and I are undergoing a significant amount of stress. It’s a lot. And one of the ways I’m coping with feelings of being totally out of control is to consume ALL THE SUGAR.
I share this because I’m reminded of how it felt right before I got sober. I was consuming ALL THE BOOZE. It’s like I knew I was almost done with this part of my life and I wanted to have as much as possible before I created and followed the rule that I would have none. So, maybe I’m about to do this with sugar. Not sure. But I’m definitely feeling that trust-fall going on. And I’m not there to catch myself, most of the time.
Instead, I’m judging myself. I’m denying myself that catch-of-safety. There is no trust-fall for this version of me because there’s so much judgment toward her. FROM ME. (Because it doesn’t really matter how much others judge me; it’s the judgment I put on myself that creates and sustains this dynamic, possibly attracting people to act out what is happening WITHIN for me.)
It’s like a part of me has entered the room, desperate for connection. Ready to be vulnerable with people who are gathered specifically to show support in unconditional ways.
And then this happens.
Even as I’m typing this, I’m having to take breaks to do some EFT, bilateral stimulation, deep breathing, dance partying, painting-by-number, and other tools-slash-distractions. This is tender territory.
Take a break and hug yourself if you’ve been visualizing your own trust-fall/ha-ha-J/K scenarios along with me.
Unconditional… Trust?
Previously, I asked if you’ve ever loved yourself unconditionally. That means, irrespective of conditions, you full-on fucking love yourself. Period.
Have you ever fully trusted yourself?
Is that possible?
What does self-trust feel like?
~ I trust myself to do what’s best for me.
~ I trust myself to take care of myself.
~ I trust myself to create and maintain healthy boundaries.
~ I trust myself to speak my truth.
~ I trust myself to honor my NO line.
~ I trust myself to surround myself with people who reflect back my best me.
~ I trust myself to comfort myself when I’m feeling small.
~ I trust myself to want the best for myself without pushing myself to hustle culture standards.
~ I trust myself to allow myself to change.
Any of this feeling prickly? Or amazing? Share below in the comments where this stuff lands with you.
Big question you may or may not want to tackle just yet: WHAT WOULD HAVE TO CHANGE IN ORDER FOR YOU TO FULLY, UNCONDITIONALLY TRUST YOURSELF?
The Placemat Process
This Abraham-Hicks oldie-but-goodie is a favorite. I love its simplicity and its origin story.
Esther and Jerry were having lunch at one of those family-friendly restaurants that puts paper on top of its tables and supplies a basket of crayons for doodling. Esther was worrying about her to-do list. She was Air signing it out and hoping Jerry would join in the convo. As usual, he was not going to join her in worry or stress or “what if”-ing that was outside the vortex. (I love his commitment to his high-flying vibe! Even as it disappointed his wife when she wanted him to join her in the grousing.)
He suggested that perhaps Abraham would be able to help with this fretting Esther was doing, but she was having none of it. She couldn’t access Abe, nor did she want to. She wanted to problem-solve right then and there.
This is where The Placemat Process was born.
At Jerry’s urging, Esther drew lines on the paper tablecloth using a crayon. One line as a header and one dividing the space in half down the middle, so two lists could exist, next to each other. On one side of the list, she started writing down everything she needed to get done that day. And on the other side of the list, Jerry instructed her to write down everything she needed the Universe to get done for her that day.
She wrote and wrote and eventually traded in the crayon for a proper pen and when the two lists were done, the side of the paper that was HERS to deal with was actually shorter and less stressful than she was fretting that it would be (this seems to always be true; when we keep it active in our brainspace without getting specific about what’s actually going on, it’s big and scary and monster-under-the-bed-like).
The side of the list that was up to the Universe to take care of had all the big, scary stuff… and when she decided that she trusts the Universe to do its job — because it always does — she relaxed.
Here’s the lesson for us all: Every time we take something OFF the Universe’s list and try to put it on ours (like “book the job,” “make the money,” “get the result,” etc.), we tell the Universe, “I don’t trust you to do your job.”
Now, that may not seem like all that big a deal, but I want you to think about it. If we are constantly/consistently telling the Universe, “I don’t trust you to do your job,” we actually STOP IT from showing up to do the damn thing. We tell it NOT to do it. And then we wonder why it’s not doing it.
The fix: STOP LEAVING YOUR SIDE OF THE LIST!
Share below what you can trust God, Source, the Universe, etc., to take care of on your behalf. I am committing to trust that I am always taken care of. I am loved. I am held. I am healthy and healing all the parts of me that are in need of healing — CONSTANTLY. I am magnetic for the riches that are mine to claim. I am thriving and beautiful and happy and fulfilled, creatively and intellectually. I am amused and intrigued and curious and delighted by what I experience in my daily life. I am safe and I have everything I need and want… with access to all the MORE I crave. My work is to trust God-Source-the-Universe and get out of the damn way of HOW it’s supposed to happen.
The HOW is not mine to determine. I trust. I trust. I trust.
Question/journal prompt: Do you trust God-Source-the-Universe? Nature? Whatever it is that feels bigger than this human experience we’re having? Do you trust the beyond? Magic? Do you trust SOMETHING in a way that allows you to feel that trust *is* possible?
There’s no right answer to this. No wrong one either. Just an opportunity to allow yourself to examine your relationship with trust from another perspective. If you put your worries on “the other side of the placemat,” do you have the trust to then LEAVE those worries there? To say NOT MINE, NOT MINE, NOT MINE when you think about them now and then?
I remember being asked in an entrepreneurial group a few years back, “What’s your favorite method to unplug?”
Of course, I’m going to come at that question in a way other than what they expect/intend. (They were expecting, and got, a lot of massages and staycations and no-screens days and date nights and such.) I didn’t have to stretch to come up with something novel. Because truly, my favorite method to unplug was and is TRUST. I trust the woo (God, Source, the Universe, etc.) to take care of everything, always. And I trust the pragmatic (team, systems, order we’ve put in place in my business) to manage the parts that are on my side of the placemat.
Because of TRUST, I can relax.
Because of TRUST, I can clock out.
Because of TRUST, I can breathe easy.
Because of TRUST, I can unplug.
How about you? What does TRUST allow you to do? If you’re not all that ready to trust fully, what would trust allow you to do? And what would trusting fully look like for you?
Trust in the Micro
Just like pulling back from social media was and is a micro assignment to help us look at people pleasing in a new way, I’ve got a micro assignment to help us look at trust in a new way. That micro assignment is this: Trust you’re getting what you need without finishing everything.
Here’s what I mean: You’re a member here — and likely a member of Get in Gear for the Next Tier too, or certainly other memberships with lots and lots of content to get through — and sometimes you may find yourself trying to read all the words. Watch all the vids. Listen to all the audio. Do all the homework. Scroll through and experience all the engagement.
I’d like for you to trust that you’re getting what you’re meant to get, always, rather than looking under every rock and making sure you’ve watched every minute of every vid, read every word of every comment, done all the things. I want you to — for this month — just trust that you’re aligned to receive what you’re meant to, whenever, wherever. And skim. Skim, breeze through, leave before you’ve experienced the whole thing.
Use Baseline Criteria if you need to create a rule around it. I’ll do this. I’ll decide I only need to read 3 paragraphs. I could choose to read more, but not because I’m worried I’m missing something if I don’t read more! Only 3… more if I’m enjoying… and as soon as I stop enjoying, I LEAVE.
I did this recently with a few of the vids in a 12-day-long summit I signed up to watch. The first time it happened, I realized after 5 minutes in that I was distracted and annoyed and not paying attention. Rather than pausing the vid and leaving the tab open on my computer to taunt me that I have an open ticket waiting for me, I just closed the tab with 25 minutes of vid unwatched. I TRUST I’ve gotten what I needed from that one. I trust I’m getting what I need from the summit as a whole, even without completing every single minute of every single interview.
Can you trust in the micro by leaving a party before you’ve shaken every hand?
Trust in the Macro
Finally, I’ll ask a question I’ve asked before: Do you put an expiration date on trust?
I can’t wait to see what you do with this starting point. As always, you inspire me and I’m thrilled to get to have this collaboration with you! THANK YOU for trusting me to hold this space and guide you through the framework for doing such deep work.
Truly, it’s an honor.
Aligned Hustle Calendar
Yep. You guessed it. We have one eclipse October 25th and another on November 8th (that last one is while the Sun and Mercury oppose Uranus and square Saturn… um… OUCH). Mars goes retrograde on October 30th.
Please, please, please do everything you can to bubblewrap yourself and do minimal peopleing between let’s say October 23rd and November 13th if at all possible.
If you must people, remind yourself to count to ten. Remind yourself the world is a lot right now. Remind yourself that pretty much everything can fall in the realm of NOT MINE, NOT MINE, NOT MINE unless you force yourself to pick shit up and make it yours.
Do. Not. Pick. Shit. Up.
I love you.
You’ve got this.
If you’d like to join us at the Chart Harmony Discord server to talk through all of this, head over here and join in the fun!
All my love,
This month’s LIVE interactive Expansive Capacity meeting is happening at this Zoom link at 12pm PDT on Tuesday, October 18th (translate that to your time zone here).
You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay up here for you to consume within 24 hours of the meeting. Hooray!
If it’s possible that you’ve never Zoomed before, for sure we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our October 18th deep dive. Enjoy!
Your always fab chat is here. Yay!
Some thoughts post-Zoom:
~ Play with the prompt that came off Kimberly’s hot seat: Am I confusing trust with denial? Trust = safety. Denial = a feeling of safety despite what’s out there. This is a part of why Circles of Safety are the first step to granting the situation your trust. Can you see spaces where this is blurry? Think about Kellye’s Facebook group and how that felt like it was at one point in the Circles of Safety and it turned out maybe an adjustment in its position in the Circles of Safety is necessary.
~ Where can you celebrate the lessons you’ve learned? Notice the breach of trust, label it correctly, CELEBRATE the catching of it, and begin the healing/recovery journey sooner. This is huge and we don’t give ourselves enough credit when this happens. Celebrate yourself! Share about it in the comments when you catch it. This is growth and we can all stand to honor it more. Unconditional self-love and self-trust are goals… and moving toward those points is a beautiful journey.
~ It takes trust TO TRUST. Where can you give yourself credit for ever trusting anyone? Because to do so is to trust that you can do so. Keep getting better at assessing Circles of Safety before giving away your trust, but definitely keep trusting you CAN trust. Listen to your gut when it says that you can’t. That’s your body trying to share with you that perhaps your Circles of Safety need reevaluating with regard to this person/this situation. Since so much of our self-assessment is based of the reflection of ourselves back from others, it makes sense that trust shifts over time. WE are always shifting.
Do you see a pattern there. š Let’s keep honoring ourselves for the work we’re doing. Continue to practice self-love, practice self-trust, practice trusting others with a Circles of Safety assessment first, and practice things like engaging in NO appearance-based phrases of connection (including with ourselves in the mirror) whether negative or positive so that we can build a muscle for ending the appearance-based commentary that anchors so much of the negativity and low-enoughness in our industry and in our world. Start looking for role models of unbotheredness (they’re out there) since this will be next month’s topic.
Your Aligned Hustle Calendar for November will go up on the WELCOME page before Friday. Reminder: We have a fun Chart Harmony Discord server that you can join by clicking here if you’d like to discuss the woo of the day-to-day. Yay!
And if you’re game for my November 5th Chart Harmony work-along called WHERE’S MY MONEY?!? your link to grab a spot for this small-group experience is here. I’d love to have you there for this astrology-based exploration of your natal chart and its anchor points for making money flow in with ease. We’ll also do a little #WitchyShit if you’re the type who likes remedies with candles and herbs and such. š I’m so excited for our time together!
I continue to send you so so so much love. Mala too! š You scrolled all the way down here so OF COURSE I’m going to supply you with some big Mala love!
Ooooh, this is sticky and prickly. As I read through this page, I got a nice visit from the Prove-It Monster, who always shows up when we get close to Trust. āProve that youāre worthy of being trusted, and weāll consider it.ā Not that this checkpoint is inherently bad- see Circles of Safety- but it is maladaptive when the voice is constantly checking, insisting you prove yourself to yourself. Worse than one of those annoying “are you still watching” pop-ups, lol.
And of course, thanks to years of experience as a perfectionist, that bar is high. It makes it easy to break self-trust early on when ātrustā amounts to delivering perfection. Example story: It literally took me years to trust that I wouldnāt screw up at dance competitions (threat from dance teacher aside- she had her own issues). Literal years. I would go to these events sick to my stomach because I didnāt trust everything would work out, that I had done enough work (or the ārightā work), or that I was prepared for all eventualities. Though I eventually learned to trust that I can handle whatever happens in a dance situation, I donāt find the trust easy to transfer. It always feels like I need to prove it first or pass some self-appointed test. I also recognize that being in an environment of cut-throats and backstabbers during this period as a kid/teen didnāt exactly help development of trust. āProve itā was originally born as a wise survival strategy. Good job, brain.
Sure, I can be tongue-in-cheek and remind this voice that we donāt need to prove gravity every day to trust that it does, in fact, still operate. But yeahā¦ trusting myself is sticky. I would say I have made some progress, just in working with all that we do in EC. And, I definitely have some recent trust-wins to count. Soā¦ I can start there.
I also had to laugh out loud at the āTrust In The Microā assignmentā¦ I feel targeted. š But, I believe we touched on a version of this several months ago, because I have used something like this before a few Zooms/meetings when I started to feel that pressure. It helps a lot. I can definitely build some momentum by practicing further with this tool, since I already have a bit of a handle on it. Iām hoping thatāll get me to a place where I can better answer the questions of what full trust looks like and allows me to do, without being triggered by the enormity and power of it all. I miiiight dare to say I trust Iāll get there. š
This seemed well-timed with a lot of our recent work on the mind-body connection, people-pleasing, and self-love/trust. So, I wanted to share it with you all!
This is a Stitcher link to the Mel Robbins podcast episode (Stitcher lets you can change the speed if you wish- it’s a long one): https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-mel-robbins-podcast/episode/the-truth-about-anxiety-and-how-to-heal-it-tools-for-anxiety-from-a-neuroscientist-md-207558555
Thank you for sharing! Placing my hand over my heart/throat when I feel anxious and breathing into it is really helpful. I am safe.
Now and always. Because the safeness lies within. {{{hugs}}}
This is THE big one for me, probably the biggest, baddest, BEST, topic I can be present for. I don’t trust anyone, or anything. Not *really*. Not wholly. But the most heartbreaking part of that is that I don’t trust ME. And this month’s topic is coming at the most right-on-time time (shocking! not) for me.
So, tomorrow Iām going back to my first meeting in person in over two and a half years. Here’s the thing: I keep thinking I can drink casually again. Maybe I canāt. I was sober for almost 3 years before the pandemic. I was really getting to know myself again/for the first time. I do not understand why it is SO much harder this time. When I first quit in 2017, I almost felt like I must be doing it wrong or cheating somehow because it didnāt feel that hard. I just feltā¦DONE. I wish I could get that switch flipped certainty back. I was starting to know what trust in ME felt like. And it felt really good.
But maybe going back to a meeting will help. Iām not really a fan of AA. But I am going to try and believe what they claim over and over and over again. āAll thatās necessary to be here is a desire to stop drinkingā, and ātake what you want and leave the rest.ā Thanks in advance for the support I am certain I will find here (funny, I seem to trust y’all with no problem-that’s weird, for me), as I embark on my second real and whole hearted attempt to cut alcohol out of my life. ā¤ļø The reason I know it’s at least a little bit different this time is I am telling people about it again. Being open and honest. I’m talking about it to my closest people. I’m not just staying silent and suffering every/other weekend, pretending I can “trust” myself to not go crazy. To not decide to go out, and down to that one bar, where that one dude might/probably be and maybe/most definitely get something else I might want that he has. Yeah, trust has been pretty spotty since an early age, but even more amplified after falling into the abyss again for a while, but well AFTER I was starting to *finally* get to know what it might look like in me. for me, of me. I knew this topic was gonna be a doozy for me. So fucking GLAD that I am here for it. With all of you, and will be workin’ on day 3 of sobriety (again). See you Tuesday.
Kellye I love you’re announcing it!
So, you know I’m not an AA-er… but I’ve gone when it’s what I’ve got the option to do (like on cruise ships AKA Floating Vegas situations). There’s something nice about surrounding ourselves with people who are down for whatever goals we have for ourselves, right? Even if we don’t agree about the WAY of coming about it, we’ve got the same goal (in this case: Don’t pick up!) and that’s sometimes enough to get through just another few minutes.
Sending you love through this and always, Kellye.
I do trust myself to take care of me as much as Iām able to. Iāve relied on God and my angels, guides, and saints to get me through when Iāve reached the end of my capabilities. I trust my instincts, my gut and in sticky situations I use a pendulum to tell me what my deepest intuitions are.
āUnconditional acceptance of my circumstancesā This is not phrased the best yet, but through the work weāve been doing in the last few months I see my effort to have āunconditional acceptanceā is allowing me peace. I also see all the conditions I have; Iām taking them down. It goes with āleave itā and āstop itā I think.
2-2-2020 during the night I was so sick and thought I was dying from the Covid Vaccine I had a choice to discount everything I believed about God and have this be the end, or believe and trust that Iād see Ron and have everlasting life. I had never questioned whether there was a God or not before. I was thinking about it at my lowest depths and I picked trusting God ā when I say God I mean heās the head guy but most of my stuff doesnāt have to go that high, I deal with my angels and guides on a daily basis ā well Iām trusting them to do their job, I call on them when I feel in trouble.
As I write this, Iām amazed at the delightful entertaining world Iāve created in my mind for myself. Who knows if the stuff I believe is true ā it doesnāt matter ā that goofy guy you talk about that keeps coming in with the thoughts to throw me off I tell him over and over to get out of my mind. Iām a work in progress obviously.
So, trust ā yes I trust that however things go I can deal with it, I donāt know if Iāve always trusted so much but at my age I must trust ā or I might go insane. (said laughingly)
It will be wonderful to see everyone especially you Bonnie, I love seeing and being with you live, well zoom live.
Thank you Judy, for showing me trust from your eyes. <3
I love you so much, Judy.
darlings,
i’ll miss you today but will circle back around next week.
i’m trusting that everything is working out for me this week & i’m taking a bit of a ride that i would normally micro manage to death. woot!
see y’all in the dojo & on the recording.
smooches,
Z.
Will miss you Con. <3
Missed you. Love you. Can’t wait to catch up!
A good friend of mine died yesterday. Recently turned 50. I haven’t been able to stop crying for very long yet, but at the same time I feel it’s important to me to be with you all today. So I may be a mess, and I don’t know how long I’ll stay, but I think I need to be with you, live. See you soon. I need to be present with trust. <3
BIG HUGS Kellye and so much love.
I’m sending you big hugs Kellye. Thank you for being you and sharing with us. We love you.
I love you all SO. FUCKING. MUCH. That is all. <3
MUTUAL, baby.
So the Dr appointment I went to for strep throat prompted the suggestion that I get a procedure that opens up my nasal cavities (donāt read this if you donāt like body germ stuff lol – so the bacteria doesnāt build then get stuck & infect the throat) & my insurance covers it entirely so I said why not! The procedure happens to fall on the new moon eclipse in my 6H of physical health. I didnāt even plan that on purpose, itās what they had available! Very excited to breathe better & not get strep throat at least once a year!
Hope you’re feeling GREAT and GREATER!
wow, wow, wow, Bianca! glad there’s a procedure that will help.
sending good juju & healing vibes your way!
y’all,
this month is a doozy in all the good ways. i knew TRUST was going to do some great things.
i listened to the replay & each of you is beautiful & lovely & open. thank you for that gift. (yes, i use beauty to describe my feeling & now i know cuz i got a lot of venus going on! but i’ll watch my language in the future.)
i was thinking on Kimberly’s comment–confusing trust with denial–& then Bonnie added that trust is in the vortex and denial outside of it. but then i thought “wait, what’s the vortex?” i’m genuinely asking that question, btw.
then i had a coaching with Bon and she helped me identify the “trust fatigue” i’m feeling. & what happens when i’m fatigued? all the boogers creep back into my life and i’m filled with doubt & despair.
i mean isn’t this it? i’ll find nirvana if i can manage trust (sans denial), remain in the present moment, and still recognize the beauty & humanity before me? when i think on actually doing that, i fear i’ll then lose my drive and i’ll never get to do what i want to do as an artist. how’s that for fear-filled & paranoid? good grief!
yes, i’m in an awkward place and i’m feeling all of the ulp bearing down on the back of my shoulders & sides of my neck.
ahhhhhh!
let’s see what tomorrow holds.
love y’all – !!
Z.
p.s. that three hours/week thinking about food choices feels like a small measure of time to me…
The Vortex, per Esther Hicks being the voice for Abraham, is this place at which we get, energetically, that is not attached to anything we’ve put into the vibrational escrow account. It’s not concerned with keeping score or mapping out what might happen or certainly HOW anything might get to us. It’s a place of surrender for everything that’s on the Universe’s side of the placemat (where the other side is our list of things we’re in control of and/or that we need to do, in aligned action). It’s a place of peace and enoughness and… well, unbotheredness, really.
So… lemme just copy/paste THIS little bit into the course page for November, since I’m working on that right now anyway. š
Ha! Thanks, Dr. Z! Love you.
oh wow! thank you, Bon.
looking forward to more on this very soon – ! i think i’d like to tease out how to balance vortex-trust with aligned (effective) todos. how do i do AND trust at the same time, no expectation or attachment? i feel like that’s a big ol’ doozy for me!