Hello beautiful people. It’s time to keep going with our Mind-Body Connection deep-dive for July!
This month is all about Your Relationship with the Mind-Body Connection, of course. When kicked off this work in May, we celebrated our HIGH FIVE commitment and I hope you’re continuing to give yourself this mirror work booster shot! I love hearing the months-long impact this is having on your self-love and enoughness!!
This is fitness culture. This is body-size shame. This is cis-het-straight-white-able-bodied-male-centric setpoints for all power that is then BESTOWED upon everyone else (maybe) in itty-bitty ways (occasionally). This is hustle culture. White supremacy. Capitalist/consumeristic dominance NEEDING us to be a certain kind of way in order for soooooooooo much unhealthy shit to thrive out there.
BUT, because all of that external messaging matches a SLIVER of a low-enoughness place in my brain, it absolutely can get me on the wrong end of the see-saw, when it comes to building self-trust, enoughness, and unconditional love for myself… exactly as I am.
Unconditional Love
Unconditional love — specifically, finding joy and happiness irrespective of certain conditions being met — is key to aligning with the best possible conditions throughout our lives.
Y’all know I’ve shared that nugget many times over the years. It’s at the core of my understanding happiness, ever — taking the responsibility off EVERYONE else and EVERYTHING else to “make me” feel loved.
Because the REAL work for me is loving myself unconditionally. I’m wondering, these days, if I’ve ever loved my body unconditionally. If I’ve ever allowed my physical form to have its flaws, its issues, its WHATEVERS and loved on it so hardcore that there’s no question that I’m covered, when it comes to love love love.
Rendering everyone else’s love for me or what I look like or how well I am or how I feel in my skin or how I present out there in the world into full-on BONUS POINTS territory. Basically irrelevant.
Here’s where this gets so clever (“this” being dominant culture’s toxic opinions about whose BODY mine even is, FFS): Dominant culture’s toxic opinions are SO prominent, so pervasive, so incessant that we begin to believe they are TRUE. (Read Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Springs and/or The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor for more.) Big pharma + fitness culture REQUIRES that we believe we need to change — and fast — and that only their drug, their diet, their facecream, their method, their surgery, whatever will do the trick.
ZERO judgment on anyone’s desire to change their bodies in ANY kind of way, ever.
The point is — we often are reinforcing messages that aren’t even our own beliefs, when we consider what it is we like about ourselves, what needs changing, and what’s loveable.
The experiment for this month includes: Unconditional Self-Love.
What does that look like? It starts with the self high-5s. It continues with that eye contact in the mirror. It includes saying affirming, loving, wonderful things to ourselves as we apply lotion, for example. This is back to the whole BEING ON OUR OWN DAMN SIDE convo from last month. How can you — daily, this month — create space for loving yourself unconditionally? How can you make that feel safe to even DO?
Vigilance for the Light
In a class I took from the phenomenal lightbeam Jessica Lanyadoo (woo lovers of podcasts, check out her “Ghost of a Podcast” here for a regular treat), I took the following notes:
put self in bright light places with bright light people because evil-doers cannot come at what they cannot see and evil-doers cannot spot you in all that brightness
This is essentially “we vibe with our tribe” language. “Your net worth is in your network” stuff. Jim Rohn’s, “You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” All that jazz.
I really like the feeling that being in “bright light places” makes us invisible to forces we’d prefer not to engage with. I know from experience though that it takes vigilance to get into and then stay in those bright light places! Because — just like with the dominant culture’s toxic messaging about how wrong we are when we love ourselves unconditionally — we’re bombarded with information about the NON bright light places. We’re constantly confronted with “how bad it all is.” (And y’know what? It IS bad.)
A timely reminder from Abraham-Hicks: Just because it’s TRUE doesn’t mean it’s what we should focus on.
What can you say or do to get yourself OUT of “what is true” and back into a better-feeling thought this month? What commitment can you make to bring yourself BACK into a place of what’s possible, those bright light places, the knowing that we’re all going to be okay? Even if it has to be done CONSTANTLY, it can be done. What will you commit to using as your primary tool for this? (Seriously, share with me. I need some inspiration with this one!)
Back to Louise Hay
As promised, we’re gonna dig in on ALL of Louise Hay’s body parts and corresponding opportunities for healing and self-love (as well as some body parts Louise never covered, but that have evolved out of her work — all ripe for discussion and debate of course).
I hope — in prep — you’ve been really connecting with yourself when you’ve felt emotion bubbling up. Whether you’re using your withing muscle, observing, allowing, honoring, or breathing into the communication you’re receiving, I hope you’re ready to FEEL your mind-body connection and communication without judgment. It’s dispassionately offered. Can you dispassionately receive it?
Here are some treasures from my Louise Hay collection. Please don’t distribute these or link to them. I’ll be taking them down soon, so the Google spiders don’t crawl ’em and send folks over here to try and get out-of-print books or audio that’s very hard to find these days. This is all in support of your mind-body connection this month (and beyond). Remember, everything is offered from a neutral place, a dispassionate place. I cannot stress that enough. Any physical sensation or related emotion that comes up is YOURS and it’s a glorious bit of communication you may not have received in another form. THANK your body for being such a brilliant communicator!
PDF: Heal Your Body A-Z: The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Way to Overcome Them, the complete text (with additions from Hay House to reflect patterns that have emerged since Louise’s death).
MP3: You Can Heal Your Life, audiobook/mini-course. You can either right-click and save-as to put this MP3 on your computer or simply listen from the page that opens when you “regular click” on that link. 😉
MP3: Subliminal Affirmations to Heal You, longform. This has both the NON-subliminal version (so you can hear Louise’s sweet voice, guiding you through the affirmations) and the fully subliminal version. This is seriously side A and side B of a cassette tape. Don’t you love that? (Same as above, re: how to click on the link based on whether you want to save the MP3 for yourself or just listen on our site.)
MP3: Subliminal Affirmations to Heal You, Side B only. This is only the fully subliminal version of the above. I play this on loop when I sleep sometimes, so the voice doesn’t wake me up. (Again, same how-to on the audio saving/listening thing.)
Your Louise Hay homework: Choose from the above bounty and commit to daily engagement from those neutrally-offered resources. There is no judgment IN these files. What will your mind-body relationship be at the end of July, if you engage with these even minimally each day? Are you nervous about who you may become? Excited? Hopeful? Worried it won’t work? What sorts of feelings kick up going in on this kind of work? Share below and/or in your journal.
An add-on from the above, is some text I long ago saved from this website (which has way more on it, if you’re curious)
Injuries or pain generally appear on one side of the body. One-sided pain issues reflect the side of you that feels confused or unsupported
your left side — based on the functions of your brain’s hemispheres, your left side is receptive, or yin. It responds to stimulus from your environment. It holds your experiences (past), your emotional self, your memories, and emotional joy or pain
your right side — organizes and moves you forward into the future. It governs how you interact with the world. That is a yang energy. When you are experiencing problems on your right side, you may feel stuck or hampered in moving forward. Or you may be experiencing unwanted change that is causing fear, reluctance, or trepidation
your front side — reveals your social or public self, the part of you that the world sees. It reflects those aspects of yourself that are active ingredients in your day-to-day living. This includes communication, desire, caring, loving, happiness, sadness. These show in your face, posture and body language. In part, this is how we can analyze your photo to accurately determine which essences you need
your back side — reflects private and unconscious elements of your life. This side becomes the storehouse for everything you don’t want to deal with or don’t want other people to see. Hidden or unexpressed feelings become frozen into the structure of your body. That means a lot of negative emotions become stored along your spine and in the backs of your legs. Most of your powerful emotions such as anger and fear are stored in your back. This pulls your body out of balance. Think of it like a house, with the living room all neatly arranged to present an appropriate social image, while the attic, basement and back yard are crammed with junk, memories and remnants of your life
Remember the mantra I like to use with all of this work: There is nothing to fix. I’ll also remind you of the rampage I shared last month: “I am healthy. I am well. I am vibrant. I am strong. I am vital. I am flexible. I am whole. I am free. I am supported. I am aligned. I am present. I am powerful. I am capable of turning around ANY situation. I am choosing grace. I am choosing happiness. I am choosing wellness. I am choosing health. I am choosing vitality. I am choosing enoughness. I am choosing feeling GREAT. This or something better. I am so grateful for all I translate from stimulus into my life’s experience. My interpretation is my own and I choose love. I choose love. I choose love.” Feel free to use any/all of my rampage. This feels very powerful and RIGHT for me.
Solfeggio Frequencies
As I’m preparing this page for y’all, I’m listening to Solfeggio (specifically 369Hz and then 741Hz, today) and it’s helping me feel great, be focused, enjoy my flow, allow breaks, sit up more straightly, and love myself more. I need all of that. So, if the audio helps make it so, hooray!
What the heck is a Solfeggio, you may ask. 😉 Welp, I’ve gathered some info from various sources to compile as BRIEF a history of Solfeggio as I feel is necessary to understand the impact of these magical tones. Obvi, you could read a bajilliondy things on the internet about all of this, and probably some of you have! Feel free to discuss more deeply in the comments area. But for now… here we GO!
Solfeggio frequencies are a sequence of electromagnetic tones originally used in Gregorian chants.
Early in the 11th century, a Benedictine monk named Guido D’Arezzo developed a scale to teach melodies and harmonies to monastic choirs. One of his innovative instructional methods was a mnemonic tool called The Guidonian Hand. A choirmaster would reference places on the fingers and palm — wonder how that tracks with our map of fingers and tapping, last month — to indicate changes in pitch for the choir to follow.
Beyond the hand system, Guido created staff notations to teach chants and hymns based off the first syllable of each half-line of the ancient Hymn to St. John the Baptist, descended from an even more ancient work by 8th Century BC Roman poet Horace.
This scale (the earliest version of what would become “Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Si” — the modern diatonic scale) was named solfège, the notation method of teaching pitch and sight singing.
Solfeggio evolved from this.
Cymatics is the science of observing the effects of sound and frequency on matter (usually in the form of liquid or powder). You may have seen this particular science in action in an episode of The Big Bang Theory.
The term was coined by Swiss scientist Hans Jenny, who used specialized equipment that allowed a viewer to observe shapes formed in a medium under the influence of sound wave frequencies. A cymascope study for SomaEnergetics (provider of sound therapy education and equipment) recorded cymatic images of each of the Solfeggio frequencies (pictured here).
12, 9, 6, and 3 all have special significance in many number-based esoteric systems. Hz frequency numbers (396, 417, 528, 639, 741, 852) can all be reduced to one of these numbers (369 = 18 = 9, 417 = 12 = 3, 528 = 15 = 6, 639 = 18 = 9, 741 = 12 = 3, 852 = 15 = 6). Nikola Tesla said, “If you only knew the magnificence of the 3, 6, and 9, then you would have the key to the universe.” The SomaEnergetics researchers added that the structure and geometry of each frequency is apparent in the images.
Necessary disclaimer: Obviously, this is not a substitute for medical or psychological attention you may choose to seek! Consider this to be a nice lotion you can apply to keep your skin moist and supple as an enhancement to your core treatment for wellness.
Okay… with all of that info out there (Did I do a good job of keeping it brief AND providing a lot of context about this coolness?), wouldn’t you love to learn what it is that EACH of the Solfeggio frequencies specializes in? Here we GO!
285Hz improves immunity; repairs cellular damage; regenerates tissue and organs involved in minor injuries to enhance healing
396Hz (DO – C) supports healing from loss; releases guilt, grief, worries, fear, blocks; prevents suppression of desired emotions; creates positive energy, inner peace, enoughness; cleanses the home; connects overall vitality; supports the root chakra (red)
417Hz (RE – D) catalyzes change especially after trauma that has outlived its purpose; prunes negativity from the body; releases maladaptive behavior patterns; creates space for new beginnings; supports the sacral chakra (orange)
528Hz (MI – E) creates transformation and miracles; opens imagination, intuition, and aligned intention; powerfully awakens spirituality; heals DNA; activates love; enhances overall well-being, peace, clarity; supports the solar plexus chakra (yellow)
639Hz (FA – F) repairs unhealthy relationships and creates aligned connections; fortifies interpersonal balance and love; improves communication and understanding; supports the heart chakra (green)
741Hz (SOL – G) provides emotional stability; fortifies intuition; supports mental clarity, problem-solving, and mind-body connection; relieves chronic pain; creates full-body regeneration; supports the throat chakra (blue)
852Hz (LA – A) rebalances spirituality; connects consciousness to Source; clears space for intuitive gifts to stream through; taps into the order of the Universe; supports the third eye chakra (indigo)
963Hz (SI – B) merges self with spirit for Higher Self connection; awakens unity, oneness, wholeness beyond physical form; known as “The Frequency of the Gods,” provider of Divine Consciousness, connection to Enlightenment; explores interconnectedness to Source from Self; supports the crown chakra (purple)
I’m going to listen to the subliminal Louise Hay as I sleep and Solfeggio throughout the day. Not ALL day, but here and there. How ’bout you?
Here’s a good channel to start with, on Solfeggio. Listen to something that’s LIVE STREAMING and feel the vibe of the collective, if your energetic boundaries are good. From there, let the YouTube algorithm suggest another option. Choose the Hz level that aligns with your needs. Start noticing those Hz number combinations like angel numbers, throughout the day, and then listen to the corresponding Solfeggio based on what numbers keep showing up for you!
It’s brilliant alignment and a little bit really does go a long way.
Okay, folks, that’s a lot for this month already and I want to leave you lots of room to succeed with this. If any of it feels overwhelming, try to do some withing so you can learn what exactly is happening, with that overwhelm.
Typical possibilities:
~ fear of the unknown
~ what if it doesn’t work for me
~ what if it DOES work for me
~ who might I be on the other side of this
~ am I doing it right
~ I can’t even keep up the high-5 thing; how am I gonna do this
~ it’s better to stay safe and small; I like the control I keep when I choose same-same-same
Yikes! Any of that feel activating for you? Just me? 😉
I love you all soooooooo much. Thank you for going on this brave exploration with me.
Aligned Hustle Calendar
All of this is just the beginning of what’s gonna be a very interesting few months, culminating in the super-intense eclipse on the USA’s November election day, followed by the 3rd and final hit of the USA’s Pluto return on December 28th. This year hasn’t even shown us what it’s about yet, y’all.
*tap* *tap* *tap* I am safe. I am safe. I am safe. *tap* *tap* *tap*
If you’d like to join us at the NEW Chart Harmony Discord server, hit this and we’ll see you over there! We even have a CH Dailies area for July (ping Keith to get access to that private space), if you want to know the Chart Harmony color of each day beyond what’s on this month-at-a-glance.
Breathe. Commit again to showing up for yourself. The world is a lot and having ourselves to connect with — while also being here for one another — makes all the difference.
I love you all so freakin’ much. Thank you for trusting me to guide you through some of the twists and turns of our lived experiences together.
All my ninja love,
This month’s LIVE interactive Expansive Capacity meeting is happening at this Zoom link at 1pm PDT on Thursday, July 14th (translate that to your time zone here).
You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay up here for you to consume within 24 hours of the meeting. Hooray!
If it’s possible that you’ve never Zoomed before, for sure we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our July 14th deep dive. Enjoy!
Your always-wonderful chat is here. Such great support and sharing. Y’all inspire me!
Suggested next steps:
~ Add to your timeline a dose of Body Scan O’Clock. No pressure for this to be a fact-finding mission, a healing excursion, or a confrontation of inner child grief. Nope. This is just, “Hey, body. Lemme check in.” Dispassionate labeling for POSITIVE sensations, NEGATIVE sensations, and NEUTRAL (or disconnected) sensations.
We’re lumping neutral and disconnected for now because there is nothing to fix about danger signals having — long ago — created space for themselves. If we’re too quick to label something as disconnected, judge ourselves for having needed to disconnect to deal with emotional stress in the past, and feel bad about having a strong muscle for continuing that disconnection, we’re using Body Scan O’Clock to beat ourselves up.
Don’t do that. We already have enough self-torture tools that we’re well-practiced at picking up. We’re not turning this into one. We’re just visiting the eager child that is every cell in our body, so excited to get a little drive-by from us, with the intention of connecting. NO ACTION ITEMS.
Do this for a few minutes each day, if possible. Notice if you get clear on what percentage of your body is in a neutral state, what’s positive, and what’s negative. Notice if the percentage shifts at all. When Gloop shows up, say, “Good job, brain!” and keep going. Start at a different part of your body and don’t try to FINISH your whole body. Just change it up each visit, if you need to. Whatever you do is correct.
Over time, you’ll allow yourself to find safety in yourself, even when there’s no safety around you. This is massively healing!
~ Attempt limiting your gadget use. Especially if, like me, you’ve used the Pandy to get extra-tethered to your phone and tablet and whatever else, this will be helpful. We’re decoupling danger signals from the activity of reaching for the small-screened thing. We’re putting away the binky or pacifier or whatever the suck-on-this plastic thing was called in your early life. 😉 We’re teaching the danger signals they can separate from our habits because WE have the ability to enforce HOW the habits are done.
When you feel yourself reaching for the gadget, stop. Check in with your body. Take a breath. Quick scan. Where are you feeling activated or agitated? Spend a second sending a beam of light to that spot. Say, “There is nothing to fix,” or “You are safe,” or “OMG, I love you SO MUCH!” if you’d like to add a mantra to the process of light-beaming.
Next, set a timer for an hour from now. THAT is when you may pick up your gadget. Now… do anything else. You’re RIGHT NOW actively teaching your brain that danger and your phone are not connected. You have found safety in your own body. You are creating the centeredness that turns down anxiety 24/7.
When the timer goes off an hour later, you may open up your phone or iPad or whatever and do 20 minutes worth of stuff. That’s it. 20. So, use the time well. Get strategic and specific about what needs your attention. Then at 20 minutes, put the tech away and get back to anything else.
You will find you are SO much more productive than you have been lately… AND you — quickly — begin to get annoyed with how triggering certain places you visit using your phone can be. And rather than using the tiny bit of time you have on your phone to go to the places that annoy and trigger you, you use it for ways it’s GOOD.
AND… you’ll find you don’t even need to go into the phone when that hour timer goes off after you’ve set it. It was a danger signal that had the need and you’ve taken care of that need by WITHING. You’ve dropped into your body to find out where you’re activated. Maybe you’ve used some of the tools we’ve explored in these past few months. Or you’ve just been present and loving. It’s all good. It’s all rewiring your brain. The anxiety and fear begins to shift into creativity and a zest for life that — if you’re like me — has been muted for a good long while now.
Good. It’s a lot of bonus points for a pretty straightforward boundary put around just one piece of tech! Do not judge yourself when you break the rules and go back to an hours-long doom-scrolling session with Instagram. They spend billions of dollars to keep the app being exactly that sticky, and you’re fighting it with nothing but your will and our collective support, here. You are fucking powerful! Give yourself credit. Even when you “slip”. It’s no big deal. Get back at it next hour.
~ Separate out the subject from the issue. The subject is the thing you’re focused on or activated by or stressed out about. The issue is your alignment, vibration, stillness, “clining”. Dispassionate labeling, again… and no judgment!! Just clarity that we can be really stressed out about X… but it’s not the existence of X. It’s not even our attention on X. It’s our own setpoint at the moment… and then we land on X… and our setpoint lets us know its disposition. The energy (issue) was already there; the X (subject) just gave it the opportunity to bubble up to the surface.
It’s kind of like how a Body Scan will get us out ahead of an injury. “Ooh, I’m holding stress in that shoulder. Let’s not over-do weightlifting today.” Further, we can sit WITH that stress and allow it the opportunity to be heard and therefore transformed. THANK your body for having taken on the stress and getting it into a form you could more easily receive it.
And if you get extinction bursts over this, GOOD. Celebrate! It means the big healing is really happening and all the protective measures the brain takes around danger signals are freaking the fuck out, throwing EVERYTHING at you at once. Such a beautiful going-away party they’re throwing for themselves!!
As for next month, that’ll be the same Zoom link as always and your Aligned Hustle Calendar for August will go up on the WELCOME page next week. Reminder: We have a shiny new Chart Harmony Discord server that you can join by clicking here.
Stay hydrated. Stay slathered in sunscreen. Stay healthy. Stay rested. Stay OFF social media as much as possible. Stay connected with God, Source, the Universe, yourself. Hug yourself. You’ve got this. I’ll see you in the comments ’til we meet up on the 14th. XO
I’ve got the subliminal Louise Hay track on as I type, here. I think this is innocuous enough that I can commit to playing it or one solfeggio track while I’m working on my laptop every day. My brain isn’t flagging it as particularly dangerous, so, good. But I will admit, I am nervous about who I’ll become, just by doing this work in general. And what it’ll then mean… My brain loves to kick up dust about me wasting (or having wasted) time/energy/effort, and about ruining/burning/hurting everything as it stands now. Or else looking stupid for having been worked up over “nothing”. Classic ULP choir… doesn’t make it easier to brush off, though.
At the same time, I’m starting to hear a little voice questioning my space as a choreographer, just because this facet has been a theme over the last couple days. (This isn’t specifically Louise Hay, but it is EC-adjacent.) I was offered return commissions (my 12th and 13th) at an arts high school, as well as a guest choreography commission for a children’s studio in Michigan (joys of virtual access). Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for ‘em! And I did accept. But, the details of what’s showing up on my plate are starting to fall back into a pre-pandemic pattern. I’m good at it, I’m very practiced at it, and I’m scared to say it, but I’m getting bored, too. Past-me is thrilled I’ve become a guest choreographer like I admired. Good Girl-me says follow the money (and I have upped my quote through both of these, which I am proud of). My heart says not to judge- there’s a reason why I keep getting dancers so early in their journey, lighthousing for them in a way I didn’t get. (I am often given Universal reminders of this.) But I also wonder if there isn’t something else, too, whether I might also like roles working in formal movement direction or choreography for film/television/theatre/opera with professional artists… Not sure what to do with this nudging little inkling at the moment. “This or something better” is all that comes to mind. I’m a little nervous even saying it to y’all, but know and appreciate that you’ll be willing to hold some space for me as I gingerly open it up a hair. Thank you. 🙂
On another note, I want to share something I put together between Louise Hay and chart astro: Most of my “chronic” tension/weakness tends to express on my left side. While I was reading this page, it clicked that it’s actually no surprise according to chart woo. I’m Sun-ruled. The Sun is all yang, all day, so of course my right/yang side is bolstered. I also have a natal Sun square Moon, so I wonder and suspect this might have something to contribute, too. Hmm… At any rate, it’s a reason to forgive that physical pattern and the discomfort in receiving. (One among many, of course. We know society doesn’t exactly champion receiving… and I’m still Cylon-ic as it is, lol.)
Anyway, let’s see what happens after a week or so of this simple auditory homework… baby steps.
Ok, so it’s been a week, and I’m curious if you’ve vibed any movement on any of this…
About the guest choreographer stuff and working with wee ones and lighthousing and being bored with it and “this or something better” – I would offer you the notion that influencing the next generation is one of the most important things you can do as a human. But for you, I would also ask you to consider that doing this work and spreading yourself geographically (via the joy of virtual access) might be laying foundations that will pay off in the future.
For me, I had to let go of a lot of ambitions before I found the joy in things I was already doing… things it turns out that very few people in the world can do as well as I can.
What if, 30 years from now, your the most beloved guest choreographer in the entire world? Just because there are “better” things to be in the world won’t diminish that notion.
What I’m arguing for here is a bit of zen… if you eliminate ambition and all the anxiety that comes with it, if you learn to turn “bored” into “at peace,” what happens if breathing becomes the most important aspect of your day? What happens if you let go of all the fuss and just be whatever it is that you are without regard for what that might be?
And now let me scare you… what if you’ve already done the single best thing you’re ever gonna do in your life and it’s, seriously, all mediocre to the next 60 years… If you can find a way to have peace with that idea, everything else becomes easy.
This is the notion of “care less” in action. If you stop caring about it all, you may find that what presents itself to you in your life will be more than enough.
If you keep telling yourself that there’s “more” out there, you may miss every single last bit of joy the universe was trying to give you.
Surrender and your anxiety will have no hold over you.
Anyway, what I’ve just said is miles deep and requires a bit of unpacking, so I’ll let you mull it over for an hour or two…
Movement, maybe. Insight, perhaps. Vibration at least, yes.
I think part of this is my fear of sliding back to past-tier behaviours by the return of this type of gig: undervaluing and being undervalued, accepting a level of sheer disrespect that I’ve come to associate with ‘em, pressuring and deriding myself through the process and resenting myself for it, that kind of thing.
Part of it is a self-questioning, too: if the work is still fulfilling, and/or is there something that can be adjusted to make the work more so, and/or I am actually done, and/or am I energetically closing off something because I am just afraid to leave this safe little choreographic place?
And, okay, fine, likely some of it is egoistic ambition… lol. It’s paired with a knack for taking one skill set and kicking butt applying it elsewhere, which, you’d know, is fun. (Call it mutable dominance, or some kind of transmutation capacity, I don’t know.)
That already-done idea doesn’t scare me less than the first time you shared it. And I understand why you say it, here. No small order, Keith. And yet, a very tiny sliver of me agrees that it could be that simple. (Simple doesn’t mean easy, and typing that sets off LOTS of alarm bells.)
All to say, I grok the depths you’ve brought me to, and I’m swimming. It’s a Monday, so I shall now go and swim through some emotions. Lol. I already had to stop typing this once and have a body convo… Or maybe it’s better to frame it as “I got to stop…”
I love that your body asked to be a part of the convo you were typing here! How lovely that you honored it with a pause. I hope your emotion-swimming went well. Have you stayed curious about the alarm bells you got LOTS of while typing? Proud of you!
Just turning into an emotional week, really. Lol. #CancerSeason
Curious feels like a lot, because to me “curious” usually means an active digging. But I can do aware, maybe to a low-key observe-from-over-here level of curious without it feeling too dangerous. What the bells are trying to defend is a well-trodden and known path, a sense of familiarity/safety/control that sweet little amygdala would like to grasp on to (even when the world isn’t being so… activating). So, it’ll be a journey. #JustKeepSwimming 😉
i want to piggyback on this beautiful conversation before we close out this month.
Stephanie — my goodness, do i hear you! first, i agree that it’s amazing you get to work with young dancers & do for them what wasn’t done for you. and i understand the notion, “am i holding myself back? is there something more i can do?” i’m the fixer-queen so i can RELATE!
Keith — i love what you wrote here! in fact, you’ve said almost all of this to me many many times! i think i’m *just* beginning to absorb the message & allow it to lead me.
my “wants” are pretty big, let’s be honest. but y’all have really helped me honor that i’ve met my criteria: i’m an artist. (i know, Bonnie & Keith, you remember a time when i had zero faith in that statement!) i work. sometimes i get paid for work. anything more from this point on are bonus points. & of course, the more i lean into that concept, the more i let go of “controlling” some outcome, the more i tell Wilma her worry about (fill-in-the-blank) isn’t required here, the more i’m loving the daily ride & each bit of the process.
i have two manifestations of this message in my life–one when i was still in college & one from last month.
briefly, i took a graduate movement class for actors which was really learning t’ai chi. being the “good” student, i wanted a freakin’ A. i mean c’mon! it’s a form. i can do that! welp, at midterm i was given a B-. (to my mind, that was close to a C, which meant average. i hated that!) i cannot even remember the why of it (obviously our instructor nailed me) & instead of figuring out the why or how to fix it, i just said “fuck it” — what happens happens. i can’t salvage this into an A. so instead of fighting, i actually DID the form just for the sake of doing the work. & i let the doing inform my body, how i felt, how i moved in the present. it’s the only time in my life that i did a practice without a goal in mind. & guess what, come the end of the semester, i was one of two students to receive an A! i’ve been thinking of this moment in my life a lot lately…
flash to last month & my first trip to film a recurring role on a new series. i play the therapist to the main character. very long story short, production was running INSANELY late, about to go into its second hour of overtime. (thankfully, i did not know the time.) by the time they turned the cameras around to get my coverage, i did one take & then i thought right before the second take, “Constance, you better breathe this in cuz this may be the last time you say these words.” and i was right. two takes & they called it a wrap! the producer & director were both overly effusive with me & by the time the producer came up to me a second time, i thought “what the fuck?” then i realized i saved them from a second hour of OT.
but here’s the incredible part for my growth–i didn’t feel deflated that i only got two takes. all of the rigamarole & logistics & insanity to get me to that point & truly, if i had blinked, metaphorically, i would have missed it. but instead, because i legitimately enjoyed each step of the way–from audition, to fittings, to coachings, to even canceling a trip because i thought i was shooting, to delays, to covid scares, to being in production with my co-star & the crew–all of it, i thought, that’s interesting! what fun! i got to do a thing i never thought i’d get to do and each step of work is part of the whole. AND i have zero control in what happens when or how. care less, right, Keith?
the highlight here is so obvious, even though i need a reminder for an awareness ALL THE TIME.
this is the practice, the mind/body relationship. how to stay present in the moment so i actually get a kick out of my life.
i’m finally starting to find this practice in my work, what i feel so passionately about & for which i’ve done a lot of fighting.
the more i surrender, the better.
and for shits & giggles, i also gotta say this month has been a doozy for me in so many other aspects–fucked up politics, my family, Covid–with SCOTUS i had a violent reaction that went straight to my upper back. but our work HELPED ME SO MUCH! i let go of that pain in record time in my book. i’ve still got plenty of holds, but the progress is huge. somehow i faced the mouth of the dragon & with y’all’s help & Dana taps, i didn’t let it suck me in as i have in the past. instead, i soared.
y’all, i’m most grateful & humbled. i love each of you so much!
Love love LOVE you and every stinkin’ bit of this! Especially…
THIS is key. Key to so so so much.
So glad you’re well, you’re enjoying the ride, and you’re really NOTICING what it is to breathe it all in and get a kick out of life. Every damn day.
So good!
thank you, thank you, thank you!
it’s everything, right? i mean i knew about awareness & staying present in my 20ies, but i didn’t have the tools yet. i feel like what we’ve been doing together (starting with your 100-days & continued here) is all about gathering & noticing the tools we have to dust away some cobwebs (blocks), with this intention: live in the present! get a kick out of our life!
as you & i have discussed, i think i’ve been getting a kick out of my daily life, apart from my work, for a while now. i’m so excited to see that i’m starting to incorporate those same principles to my work & career & finances. (that last one is still a dilly, but i’m letting go more & more!) here’s another thing that helped me & cue-up Dana: it’s a responsible choice for me to be an artist! thereby, it’s responsible for me to surrender more, breathe more, & not know where it’s all going! (for a fixer, this is huge for me.)
breathe. do the form. remain open/curious. see what happens. ENJOY!
Ooh… not to toss a hand-grenade into this but…
WHY IS MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES YOUR JOB?
Just… curious. 😉
i LOVE a good grenade; thank you!
and guess what, i don’t know why that’s my job! i mean i know that responsibility or being a responsible person was part of my conditioning, and given my background being an artist is definitely not considered a responsible choice. so i saw that statement as radical (for me).
but, the idea that responsible choices are still part of my mindset… i don’t know why. let’s find a way to blow that up!
how do i look at responsibility to myself — making choices of self-care or choices that help the baseline form like memorizing my lines or choosing not to overdrink so that i can enjoy the freedom of creativity? are those different than ” making responsible choices my job”/
i love teasing this out!!
cuz, you know, i’m curious!
that / was supposed to be a ?
am i responsible or what?
I just want to pop in and say I resonate with this, Connie. Being “responsible” is a big part of my fabric over here, too.
I jumped over to Etymonline (as I often do when words get prickly here) and pulled this:
“responsible (adj.): accountable for one’s actions, answerable to another, for an act performed or its consequences… from Latin respons-, past-participle stem of respondere “respond, answer to, promise in return,” from re- “back” (see re-) + spondere “to pledge”
There’s where I think it gets sticky… answering to another outside us. Or at least, that’s what really jumps out at me and how the word “responsible” resonates. Promising something usually creates a vacuum, too. Hm.
I’m liking this convo! (But I’m treading gently, lol.)
One of the fun parts of having lived this long is how often I get the opportunity to say, “Oh!!! THIS is why I needed to experience THAT all those years ago.” So… when you’re “nervous about who [you]’ll become, just by doing this work,” ask yourself if you can shift the nervousness to curiosity. “I’m curious about where on my journey in the future I’ll need this tool I’m getting practice using today.”
Something like that?
I’ll give it a go, Bon. Thanks. 🙂
(Funny, this flavour of “curious” is totally fine. *shrug* I’ll take it.)
i used to HATE the word “curious,” largely because it sounded to pretentious coming out of instructor-types who were trying to prove their interest in students to impressed those certifying them or whatever. GAG!
but, Bon, i agree, i now know it’s value. for me, it helps to soften a situation if i think about being curious. even people who annoy the fuck out of me, i’m better at being curious about their behavior than wanted to grind my teeth.
and i’m super-curious now about where our journey goes!
Yes! If the word curious is sticky, try fascinated by, or intrigued by. Those can work just as well!
i love all of these! + i love the word curious now! (the stickiness from those other butt-people no longer exists.)
Really ruminating on unconditionally loving myself and my body. What you wrote, Bon, about wondering “if I’ve ever allowed my physical form to have its flaws, its issues, its WHATEVERS and loved on it so hardcore that there’s no question that I’m covered, when it comes to love love love” REALLY resonated with me. I immediately thought of all those places on my body I haven’t loved – my butt, my belly, my thighs, my face (wow!), my arms, my neck – and I realize all these places are begging for love. I can’t believe I haven’t been fully loving myself unconditionally. I’m kinda shocked, because I’ve been working with Louise Hay’s teachings for a long time, and I know I’ve made progress. Doing the mirror work 20-something year ago was life-changing. And I’m always surprised that there’s always more love to give, more acceptance to experience, more forgiveness.
Re-reading Louise’s List, it was so clear to me how much I need to love and accept and forgive myself and release the past.
It’s been a little tricky (releasing the past) with the triggers of SCOTUS making all these crazy decisions which seem designed to harm women and turn people on each other. None of it makes sense, and all I can think is that women must be so incredibly powerful, they’re terrified of us and are trying to keep us under “control.” But in my gut I suspect women and men will rise up to fight this madness and fight for change.
I like the idea of focusing on the light, Bon, of being so bright that the darkness cannot discern us. I think that’s a good place to start, tending to my light.
Thanks for all this, lady. Love you.
I hold the very same belief as expectant truth, that the good in humans will rise up and will succeed. This is oversimplifying history, but the US was sorta built on a rejection of someone else’s rule book… and so it seems destined to be rebirthed this way, too (à la Pluto Return). Something feels like we are all meant to be part of this, as harrowing as it is. And you’re right! Just how much fucking power is there if they are that scared… that can be a comfort.
Sending love.
Love all this, Stephanie. Thank you!
THIS!
Ooof, Laura. I sooo feel ya! I don’t know if I EVER loved my body. And I think back to when I was dancing full time and I was so strong and could, literally, do amazing things — things that MY body should have never been able to do (I was not gifted with a “dancer’s body”). Of course, as dancers, back then, the standards were sooo strict (especially in ballet) and every little flaw, everything little thing that wasn’t absolutely perfect… ugh! So even then I wasn’t necessarily happy. {shakes head} I’m so glad to see that dancers are being accepted these days at different sizes, shapes and heights (and colors — OMG! YES!!). But this is it! I’m not going to get any younger and I’m not getting a different body so… time to start appreciating what I have and where I am. I mean… I’m still here and still mostly healthy and for all that I’m grateful and I can’t wait to start listening to the subliminal Louise Hays and the solfeggio and see where I find myself in a month (or more).
OMG Kathi, I remember how tough it was for dancers! That sense of perfection you’re talking about. Totally get it. And I’m thrilled to see how that’s changing.
Have you seen Lizzo’s show on Prime? It’s called Watch Out for the Big Grrls and it’s a reality show about her auditioning her backup dancers, and they’re all women of these luscious sizes. And they are AMAZING! And it’s so fascinating to see how each one stands in their own way. Why do we do that? It makes me think of what Bon wrote about the undercurrent of programming and how we can incrementally change that tune. Those who believe in themselves do.
Like you wrote, “time to start appreciating what I have and where I am.” What a great place to start! 🙂
I wonder how you’re feeling after a week and a half of the Louise Hay and Solfeggio, Kathi? YES to appreciating what we have. LOVING it even. Being so grateful to it for carting us around, taking our brain on trips all over the world. 😉 What wonderful bodies we have!!
Oof, well it hasn’t been *quite* a week and a half of the Luise Hay yet. I just figured out how to get it to play on my phone yesterday. So, yes I played it last night as I slept. Finally. This has been a difficult month for sleep for me as the pain has been INTENSE. Not quite sure why. I’ve been doing all my Curable exercises, all my stuff from my therapist, everything I know how to try and communicate with myself and calm my body down and deal with the emotional side of things. BUT… oh well. It must be some really gnarly stuff wanting to come up (or NOT wanting to come up, actually). We started to touch on this stuff at my last session and I have another one next week so it will most assuredly be a good one. In the meantime, I’m listening to LH and posting her affirmations everywhere.
Extinction bursts!! I have learned to get very grateful for them. They are a sign of HOW VERY CLOSE we are to getting to the end of the nonsense. (Amygdala’s need for safety is not nonsense, of course, but the Gloop of it all sure is.) I’m proud of you, Kathi!!
I AM grateful that what I’m experiencing is an extinction burst and that means I’m so very close to getting to the end of all this nonsense. YAY! The nonsense isn’t fun, of course, but I’m close and I can feel it and that’s exciting! I’m holding onto that feeling when the pain is bad (which it is today) and confident in the knowledge that this is temporary and fleeting and isn’t ME. And I thank my brain for being so protective of me and doing such a good job because all it is (and was) trying to do is protect me from some gnarly stuff that it perceived as being “life or death.” Of course, I’m still here so… there’s that.
Love you too, sweetheart. YES, now is very… filled with opportunities for us to find light. For real, right?
I’m getting practiced at acknowledging that current events are activating. (Notice my dispassionate labeling? There’s not a lot of extra weight in the words I’m choosing… no UPPING the stakes. Can you practice that too?)
Yes, there is a population of folks “in charge” who are TERRIFIED of the power of people who are unlike them. Because THEY have always maintained power by disadvantaging everyone else, they cannot conceive of a world in which — should typically oppressed populations have level footing — anyone would do anything BUT oppress THEM. They simply cannot believe ANYone else in power could just choose to enjoy having power too. They’re certain THEY would become oppressed and disadvantaged… so they feel they have to maintain control, no matter what it takes.
Their terror over what power everyone unlike them has is quite telling! It’s like we’ve seen the chink in their armor. Good. Here comes the revolution!
What a time to be alive!
(Just totally got a massive hot flash while typing this. LOL LOL LOL My mind-body connection is SO potent! Thank you, mind-body!!)
No upping the stakes. YES!
I also recognize the fear those “in charge” are exhibiting. It’s very clear to me how afraid they are of women since they’re working so hard to control women. But we are SO STRONG and their time is ending.
I ended up getting a breast infection, which was a clear sign to me I needed to back off from THE DRAMA. Just like you wrote, “No upping the stakes.” And going off of Louise’s list, I recognized the anger in my left breast, festering. The infection was one a nursing mother usually gets (it can also happen because of menopausal hormones), and I have been so upset about how the SCOTUS decisions will affect young women, even children. Being a survivor of sexual abuse, this was very triggering for me. Activating, as you wrote.
I worked through some of it with my therapist and she said, “Do you not believe in their strength, these young girls and young women? Do you not believe in how they can manage their future?” And that snapped me back to reality because I DO BELIEVE IN WOMEN, and I believe there are countless men who support us.
I also believe in science, so I went to the doctor and got some antibiotics.
I amped up my healing meditations and included Louise’s Anger Releasing because there was so much within me that was trembling with rage, and it helped so much: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx_p5F_YWkc
Also worked with the Hz:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IU13sdrLQ-M&t=2514s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWLVBP3VrO4&t=9113s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9Mzyf_B8rQ&t=3046s
Binaural Beats:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6b-UxqssmA&t=3035s
And worked with self-forgiveness, because I’ve been dealing with old messages of being “wrong”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-7OzbeGud8
Bonnie, thank you for the TREASURE TROVE of Louise goodies! I have an old version of the affirmations, so it was wonderful to listen to the updated version.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
And hot flashes are certainly signals, aren’t they?
Hoping to join the Zoom today! See you in a bit!
So good to see you for a bit, Laura. Not at ALL surprised about a physical manifestation that aligns with the patriarchy’s shutting down of all that is WOMAN. Good for you, getting some meds AND getting inspired by women. OMG, did you see this, BTW? https://www.instagram.com/p/CgCT9S0jtNf Talk about INSPIRING next-gen leaders!!!
i had not even read about your infection before i wrote “infectious”!
holy shit!
that said, i’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself!
Laura,
first, i wonder if there is a single woman in this world who hasn’t experienced all of these body issues in some manner at some point in their life?! if there is, i want to meet her!! i mean really, WHO IS SHE? because as you say, the history (HIS-story fuckers) of our entire culture is designed to control women & the disenfranchised. period.
still, i gotta say one thing to you, even though i want to honor how you feel — i LOVE your face! your face brightens the darkest space imaginable. if i want to think of a smile, i think of you! seriously. and i’ve seen you when you’re not so smiley & i still feel this way!
your face is infectious & if i could kiss you right now i would!
i think you are the lighthouse.
love you!!
100% on Laura’s face being THE face that comes up when we think of a smile!!!!!! TRUE HERE TOO!
RIGHT!?!?!
Laura’s beautiful face=i will automatically smile!
This came up while I was tapping this morning, so I thought I’d offer it to y’all, too: When did it become cool to not love yourself?
I snapped right back to early grade school when this question surfaced. Some day when self-deprecating became “cool”, “real”, or “funny”, and for me, when not fully liking myself/my work acted as a shield for those who-do-you-think-you-ares and stop-showing-offs. (It also turned my perfectionist to the dark side and fed it cookies.) Oooof, this is a deep belief I didn’t really know I was carrying… decades old, and mutated from a time and place that no longer exists. Huh.
I knew I had hit on something even before the words came, because I got that little wave of bodily ah-ha paired with oh-shit. Welp… here it is in the day light, and here’s me trying to invite a little air around it. I hope the question dislodges something for you, too. I offer it gently and with kindness. 🙂
How wonderful! Thank you for this generous share!
I remember when I first started therapy, unconditional self-love was so foreign to me. My therapist let me start with aiming for unconditional self-regard, since that seemed more achievable at the time. Allowing space & acceptance for whatever arose inside me day-to-day rather than attaching meaning. It’s amazing the way subtle steps can build up that strength.
I’m still learning to love myself better, but I’ve done so much unlearning to hate myself. There is so much space for new responses in my interactions with people. I’m able to release judgements when I’m having a bad or off day. I’m able to stay more grounded in conversations when the other person gets emotional. Or even just trust myself if they don’t understand me. I’m able to laugh hanging out by myself, which is refreshing. Though sometimes the stability & calm of it all scares me back into old patterns, like I keep bumping into that upper limit. I know I continue to push the limit higher but there is an apprehension there that I’m trying not to judge while releasing.
I feel almost exactly this… for me, it’s all about reducing/atrophying the “self-hate” muscles because self-love and self-acceptance are not goals I can acknowledge yet.
I say those things because they are emotionally true, but I can philosophically grasp the notion that I accept me for who I am, and I know at least three people in the world who know me well enough and who claim to value me, so I can take those three people’s idea of me and go with it.
Isn’t it FASCINATING that calm and stability feel unsafe if we’re practiced at being hyper-vigilant about all the chaos in our lives?
BIG yes to unlearning self-hate and THEN, maybe, little by little, making it feel safe to try something neutral with ourselves before diving in on the unconditional self-love goal.
This is absolutely beautiful and YES on the incremental progress with all of this. Enoughness FTW. So good, Bianca. Thank you.
Happy Belated Birthday, Bon!!! Happy Birthday Month!!!
Thank you, sweetheart! 52 is off to a great start!
Yay!!!
A little woo time: The whole “release the need to push through” of the Capricorn Full Moon posts is lining up with a repeated theme I’m finding when consulting with Louise Hay’s book- believing in pressure/stress/strain as a methodology. I don’t quite know how to release that when it’s so intertwined, but I do want to at least acknowledge the timing and invitation as a start.
I’ve been reading “Body Astrology” the last couple days, and have already found a number of things for which I can let myself off the hook for. Lol. One thing I wanted to bring forward in the context of our month’s exploration is the Sagittarian rule of the “mind-gut axis” as the book puts it. It’s something that caught my eye and piqued my thoughts… so maybe it does for y’all, too. My mind goes to how this might that translate to me, being someone who already has a lot of that energy available (Moon + Stellium in Sag). Maybe I’m making this connection harder than it needs to be (Me? Never!), or maybe I’m feeling the tension by pinching the hose- I have a fire hose and I’m trying to treat it like a garden hose, perhaps. Hmm… a little something I’m considering. Anyway, thought I’d share where I’m sewing a few things together, here. 🙂
I’ll probably arrive a bit late to the zoom, I hate to miss a minute, but I’ll be there.
The sound – it’s very profound for me and I’ve been wallowing in memories of times with Ron and sound. (Ron my late husband) His book Hearing & Writing is so much about sound, he was about frequencies. He said in his old age he wanted to join a choir that sang chants. We had CDs of nuns singing chants and the beginning scale for music was something he talked about. Ron explored and explored I didn’t understand but lapped up what he wanted to talk about. He had us hooked up to listening devices during our sleep – he was good. I’ve listened for a few days to the live stream and once to Louise’s voice. I’m thinking about it more than doing it. I need quiet too I’m going slow.
Unconditional love, I’ve been looking at all my conditions – actually trying to guess if one of my daughters really loves me by conditions, I’m afraid I have conditions. Eek AH talks about unconditional love, I want to give it, to understand no conditions. Yes, to take off conditions for myself is hard, I think I run myself on conditions. Lots to think about. I am getting on my side, I love it, I need it, it’s good.
I’m withing, I’m hanging out with a lot of nonsense I’ve created for myself. I’m consistent with my Louise Hay mantras. I’m not rushing ahead I’m letting thoughts come to me. I’m thinking differently. I love the self-partnering concept, of course that’s been the case I just haven’t admitted it. Now I’m buying it, embracing it, doing it. The Hi5 and “you got it girl” and mantras help me to grow in love for myself. I feel shy saying it out loud.
My usual result or where I usually will land is ~ it’s better to stay safe and small; I like the control I keep when I choose same-same-same. I’m willing to change that. I’m much more peaceful, I’m recognizing that goopy guy and his crazy remarks, I tell him to get lost.
So looking forward to the zoom! Love all of your adventures thanks for sharing them.
I love how you wrote, “I’m looking at all my conditions,” Judy. That rang a bell for me and is something I will do for myself as well.
I hope you’ll say it out loud how much you love yourself. I’ve been doing it for years and there’s always more love to give ourselves.
Yes, I’d like to be out loud seems like that would be good – I’ll see how that goes – thanks Laura.
Found this vid this morning and it made me think about what we’ve been working on with the mind-body and riding emotional waves and re-wiring our brains and releasing our stories and pre-paving the future and being in the goo of butterflyology:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qykb6jKXdo
What do you think?
Fabulous Laura thanks!
This is all amazing. I can’t wait to see you all in 5 mins. gah
A thought I just had, re: my mind-body and unconditionally loving myself: I’m so grateful that the time it takes to heal from a lifetime of disconnection and avoidance and ridicule is far less than another lifetime. <3
Love this! ❤️
Yummy thought…
Discovery during Body Scan O’Clock:
I love how the positive energy shifts in the morning to the end of the day to different places. The energy swirls are bonus points and so lovely. It’s such a great way to reconnect and remind myself that I’m safe. I’m on my own damn side.
I’m also feeling all the feelings during Cancer Season so allowing as much inside cat time needed has helped.
I’m allowing myself space to be new at less gadget time. I went out to dinner by myself and remembered “This is what I miss so much and more of this please.” Enjoying the space and peace without distractions.
I, too, am scanning first thing in the morning. Maybe I’ll start adding another scan at the end of the day, too. That sounds interesting. Thus far I have NOT had a repeat performance of the fire in my head and neck — it’s calmed down considerably. And since my session yesterday it appears to be virtually nonexistent so perhaps we have tamed the beast, so to speak. Little by little… 🙂
Yay for that! One little extinction complete. 🙂 Glad you’re no longer experiencing that uncomfortable fire.
Love this!
Love it so, Kathi!
I love this. I’m doing Body Scan O’Clock when I wake up and go to sleep, similar to you, and I notice shifts in neutrality mostly… places that were activated falling back into neutral, or sometimes places shifting in/out of disconnection. And then there’s the times I get stuck and can’t scan past a certain point (which are lessons in and of themselves, lol). If I can get to “I’m safe”, that’s great, but I really like the idea of making about being on my own side, too. Thanks for sharing that. 🙂
Yes. Me too! AGREE.
I’m scoring about a 65% on the gadget detox right now. And of course, that’s okay. YES to celebrating the NEW of it all. New muscle after a LOT of building/using/rewarding the old one for being strong.
Aren’t those soul shivers/energy swirls such yummy bonus points territory? LOVE it!! This is all so damn good!
I noticed a really interesting thing over the last 48 hours, and wanted to bring it up here. I got my 2nd booster on Wednesday morning, and by bedtime was feeling super-shitty (typical and expected reaction- it’s the same every time). In my feverish state and diminished body-is-busy-with-an-immunity-kung-fu-lesson energy, I found my mind cracking open all sorts of little things, mentally re-running Zooms and receiving little bits of information, considering the total okayness of this rest and lovingly helping my body to do exactly what it’s supposed to be doing.
I made that turn back into “feeling normal” around 8 last night. (Again, exactly as expected. Good job, body.) But, here’s where it got interesting: I noticed feeling better (although tired), was happy for it, and then within 20 minutes or less, I had a voice come in that was loud AF about how unproductive I was, slamming me for not working (on what, dear… I’m self-employed), shoulding me all over the place about making money and wasting time (or else pushing my nose to the grindstone in order to make a thing that’ll make money). Like, whoa. Who invited you in?!? How very interesting that the voice was completely silent when I felt unwell, and completely opportunistic, vindictive, and dare I say parasitic when feeling more “normal”. Some set point.
And then I wondered… Is part of this work scary to my system because the silence of this voice is associated with being ill? Further, if I am well, I should be able to take on this self-pressure/judgment… because if not, I must be ill? Huh. I know you said something to this effect in your own experience, Bon; you resonated in my head as I was puzzling this over.
For sure, a huge chunk of that voice is fuelled by internalized beliefs that aren’t mine. Sounds like a lot of society, backed by some strong family personalities as I type. And I have to admit at least a little is my own, too. (Bon, if we go woo, we can probably blame a natal retrograded Mars for that, alongside a wonderfully critical Virgo Sun and an overall fire-dominant chart.) But, this angle of mind-body safety insofar as illness/health is an interesting one that really came to light for me over the last 48. If nothing else, it was a VERY clear switch that got flipped that I haven’t seen flip before.
Okay, this is SO good and it’s something that 100% happened to me earlier in my mind-body journey. I was so practiced at the rhythm of working myself to exhaustion, getting SUPER sick, being in bed for days because of that, and then getting back to work when I finally felt like myself again, that when I started letting myself BE IN BED or simply clocked out for a while, I would start getting symptoms of illness, even though I was not at all unwell.
I remember the day I said to my mind-body, “Okay. I get you. You’re SO used to having these wired-together brain bursts that it’s very hard to separate them out. Cool. Let’s practice.” And then I would just tap and remind myself, “You don’t have to be unwell to take time off,” or, as my sweet momma said in one of my many readings she recorded for me in the 1980s and ’90s: “You don’t have to be sick to be successful.” I can still hear her saying that in her sweet, southern drawl. 😉
Anyway, it got SO granular as I decoupled all this that I could actually feel myself — while working, knowing I was going to be taking some downtime in a few minutes — getting a craving for “sick food” (y’know, those things you NEVER eat unless you’re just soooooooo sick). LOVED THAT! Because it was a clear sign that my mind-body has all sorts of ways to convince itself that “the rule from forever is still the rule forevermore” (OMG, the mind-body is such a fucking upholder).
AND, it meant that anytime I felt myself craving a Filet-o-Fish sandwich with no cheese from McDonald’s, it was a sure sign that my mind-body was trying to “be sick” since that’s what taking downtime always means/meant. And THEN I tried asking my mind-body if we could see that weird food craving as a signal it was time to take downtime, not necessarily to eat that food… and certainly not a signal that I was or needed to get sick.
So, all this to say that you’re doing EXACTLY something I’ve done and it’s so dang cool!!!!!!!!!! Yay!
ooooooo! this is such a big one! i’m so damn curious about psychosomatic medicine & practices and the mind-body connection between *real* illness & healing. (there was a book from the 70s by some doctor who “radically” suggested this approach in healing & i keep trying to track him/his book down.)
i’m the person who gets very upset with myself when i’m sick (i blame myself for getting myself sick—not great for healing) and i’m in such a fuzzy state, it’s a challenge to help myself change my mindset. i know i’ve finally given in to healing & am on the path back to wellness when i start craving pop tarts! (i NEVER eat pop tarts, so i think this is hilarious!)
Bon, your mama!! “You don’t have to be sick to be successful.”
i’d love to unpack this more. i think there’s been a part of me who secretly believes that only the fucked-up are successful in our business, so to be mindful & aware & present (healthy) means i won’t succeed. how’s that for a dilly?
i’m coming around to the mindset of, if that is true (i have no idea if it is or not), WHO CARES because then i won’t be in a place to get a kick out of my life.
thank you for the reminder from your mama! it’s perfect!!
Absolutely! ANY beliefs we have about unpleasant conditions upon success make it more likely we’ll sabotage any success because of those stories. ForEVER I had the “men always leave” story. And it dictated that I FORCE men away — always within 9 to 18 months of when we started dating — because the story had to stay true. Even with guys I was “sure” I’d stay with forever. Somewhere in me, I ALSO believed they would leave me… and that more practiced belief won out every time (until now, of course… 21 years and counting). 😉
Let’s do some of this for August. Those beliefs that create conditions around our success with ANYthing in our lives.
Good discussion, lady!