Hello you beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our topic for May!
This month is all about Your Relationship with Joy. Since joy is 1/5 of the evolutionary wiring we have for emotions, it’s pretty dang important. Yet for some reason (for lots of reasons) it’s challenging to allow.
In case it’s been a while since you visited the vid from the very beginning of our Expansive Capacity journey in which I detail Evolutionary Emotional Wiring and its impact on how we interpret everything and everyone we encounter in our lives, I’ll ask you to update yourself now:
Put another way, but saying the same thing… a quick vid from Kerwin Rae.
Your First Homework Assignment for May
Yes, I know. Super early on for me to be bossing you around here… but go with me on this.
I want you to find your version of this photo.
When you see this image, you don’t negotiate what kind of childhood you had or what things would happen later to taint memories; you simply FEEL that joy, through and through.
I want you to do an extension of the Louise Hay mirror work with THIS PHOTO every day in May. (More on mirror work in a sec, if this is new to you.)
Of course, “every day in May” is a tall order, so here’s what I’d like to *require* you to aim for: 11 days.
Eleven days out of May, I’d like you to visit with this image. Make eye contact. Feel that connection. Smile back at that version of you. And without entertaining the thoughts about when things got bumpy, when your enoughness first got tucked in due to worry about how you were self-expressing in the world, or any sadness about having gotten out of touch with this version of you, I’d like you to just say hello. Hang out. Connect with joy-filled you. Fully.
Whatever that means to you.
What is mirror work? Here’s some background. And a demo with the goddess herself:
It can be… confronting. But boy is it life-changing.
One of the amazing things mirror work does is give space for us to feel those un-felt feelings fully while reminding ourselves of how ENOUGH we truly are. Right now. As we are. Today. “I choose to be happy right now.”
If you’re new to this transformational work by Louise Hay, here is the affirmation script most commonly used for mirror work. Feel free to adapt it to your own needs.
Oh, I know. You could revolutionize who you are in the world for everyone who knows and loves you. You could rewrite the story about who you’re meant to be in life. You could destabilize the culture of your family and friendgroup altogether.
And you could also be really, truly happy consistently perhaps for the first time in life… irrespective of conditions.
Yeah. Let’s find out what happens with this.
Journal Break
If you’re able to stop here to find the photo, make it your phone’s lock screen or otherwise put it in a place you can EASILY bump into it throughout the month, and do a moment of mirror work with your joy-filled self, do so.
And if that’s all too much already (I totally get it), then please take a moment to journal about what’s coming up for you with this prompt. Then get out your calendar for May and plot out the 11 days you will — as a non-negotiable — clock in to check on this joy-filled you, connected and open, to see what messages this version of you holds for today-you.
Feel free to share in the comments below.
The Power of Joy
I’ve been collaborating with someone really special since the Spring equinox and we’re meeting weekly to co-create things I’ll *finally* be able to share about later this month or early next month. Phew! In one of our convos recently, this person talked about the value in finding our POWER, as creatives.
I asked, “What is that, exactly? Our power? What’s at its core?”
The thoughtful answer: “I can source joy.”
Whoa.
Now y’all know how much I love using the word SOURCE as a verb. And there it is, right in my world, around the word JOY… right on time.
Let’s look at the ability to *source* joy as some of the most powerful manifesting we are tapped into.
We can — all by ourselves, while sitting alone — become the source for joy in our own lives (and in the lives of others) just by directing our attention to that task. “That task” of course could be complicated by lots of things, so for those of you who — like me — turn any alone time, stillness time, quiet time into problem-solving, scenario-running, or pain spirals, I have a resource from my mind-body healing journey:
Think of *anything* that brings you joy. You know I like the items on the Dip Kit and those shared in the comments over here and so many more. That first link there will get you to the updated Dip Kit in the vault, so be sure to get it, enjoy the audio goodies, and stay current with your list of things that DO bring you joy… so you can regularly remind yourself that you’re capable of sourcing joy even while you’re just BEING. Alone. Still.
It’s okay to feel resistance around this. Personally, I have the glorious recording artist Meat Loaf singing to me: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do THAT.
You can tell me that the answer to EVERYthing that’s wrong in my life is getting out in nature, meditating, stillness, quiet, breathwork, mindfulness… and I’ll still find a way to do ANYthing to avoid the confrontation that is being still enough to actually FEEL the anxiety I’m constantly trying to keep at bay.
Remember: Anxiety is not an emotion; it’s a combination of physical sensations and strong opinions that come up when we avoid feeling the emotions that are trying to come through.
Journal Break
What does joy feel like to you? Go back to that kiddo photo to consult with past-you if necessary. Just list off some words, thoughts, feelings, adjectives, essences that go with JOY for you.
What are some activities, thoughts, images, experiences, things that bring JOY more active into your space, in the micro? Not big, grand, whole-life-sized concepts like ending white supremacy or creating the Hollywood we want but the tiny parts of those things or something as simple as a memory of the way that pet let you know LOVE exactly when you needed it. List off a few of these.
Like in the Dip Kit, examine when’s the last time you purposefully engaged in an activity that creates joy in your life. If it’s been a while… why? Especially if joy can exist in a matter of moments focused upon a pet or silly videos or a favorite song… why postpone that experience? Could you schedule joy? Like, maybe 11 days out of May for starters?
(See what I did there?)
On Postponing Joy
I think it’s important to understand WHY we postpone joy, if we do. Because we only do things when there’s a payoff… somewhere. Y’all know (Bonnie Gillespie Drinking Game alert) I regularly ask myself, “Is it me? Or is it the patriarchy?” about things like this. I may postpone joy because I’ve bought into hustle culture for decades and I have a very strong muscle around staying focused on the goal and the work, letting joy be incidental rather than intentional.
You may postpone joy because it feels too vulnerable. Because it feels wrong. Shame-filled. Cruel to those who have less than you do. Whatever. But if we don’t know the WHY behind the WHAT of postponing joy, we’ll just keep doing that “because it’s the way it is.” And we all know full well that anything is only “the way it is” BECAUSE we keep doing that, without questioning the why behind it.
(Bonnie Gillespie Drinking Game alert not needed; you know my subtext here. Drink up!)
Prompts I use around postponing joy: “Postponing joy doesn’t make me a better person; it makes me miserable in the right now,” and, “I have the potential for doing MORE in the world when I am sourced… and feeling joy helps with that,” and, “It is safe to feel — and express — joy over the tiniest things AND the biggest things,” and, “My expression of joy does nothing to diminish anyone else’s capacity to experience or express joy.”
I also have to remind myself that I am no bigger target when I feel or express joy than I am already, when it comes to anyone outside my population of thirds. There’s nothing vulnerable about feeling joy — Circles of Safety consulted, of course.
As we discussed last month, to celebrate joy is to be relaxed. To be relaxed is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to be prey. To be prey is to be dead. And of course we have the patriarchally-reinforced male-brain view of the appearance of weakness as the only source of shame, so even if we don’t go all the way down to feeling as though expressing joy could lead to our death, we at the very least have lots of messaging that we should be ashamed to be so dang happy.
(Even if “so dang happy” is seriously the sliver of a smile in an otherwise troubling and stressful existence. How DARE you see a glimmer of hope from under all that pain? And forget feeling joy if you’re in a population that isn’t dominant culture. There’s specifically a stifling of joy and pleasure in your life if you’re at all identified as “different,” which all artists are.)
(MAN, there’s so much nonsense around “the truth” of mental health setpoints, right?)
A Practice for Increasing Joy
Let’s head over to Abraham-Hicks and a quick discussion about finding the joy in all things and the freedom — and healing superpower — that becomes over time.
And today is all we have. Choose joy now.
Stay in Your Own Lane
One of the quickest ways out of our own joy is OTHER PEOPLE.
Other people’s opinions.
Other people’s lack of joy.
Other people’s points of view.
So, I’ll take you back to a story I’ve shared before about when I’m crankypants about a thing and I need to “air sign it out” to Keith.
It can be the tiniest thing. It can be legitimately NOTHING. But it’s a thing and I need to talk about it and that means Keith gets to listen about it.
I’m exquisite with the details. I lay it all out. I want to state the case for the record. I want to argue my side. I want to present all the evidence about that bad thing or annoying thing or just-saw-it-on-the-internet thing that’s stuck in my craw and then I want Keith to…
WHAT?
…to validate my feelings. To let me know I’m right in feeling what I feel. To “yes, and…” my amazing story. To agree that it’s insane that this or that happened or was said or whatever.
(Note: This is a great opportunity for me to shore up my enoughness around needing to have anyone outside me tell me that I’m justified in feeling what I feel. Why do I believe I need backup in order to feel my feelings are right or allowed or valid? Ah, patriarchy… I see you.)
Okay, so I’ve brilliantly laid out all the facts and I’m waiting for Keith to affirm my disposition and he smiles at me and says, “Feel better?”
*blink* *blink* *blink*
What the FUCK does THAT mean?!?
Of course, I know exactly what it means. It is shorthand for the thing he doesn’t have to say out loud anymore, because he’s said it so many times in 20 years together: “I will not sacrifice my joy to come meet you in that energy.”
Eventually, we’ll get to the point at which I can say, “I need to air sign at you about something,” say maybe ten words instead of ten-thousand, and then I’ll go, “Okay! I’m good. Thank you!” and be done with it.
I can feel we’re inching toward that.
But until then, look at the brilliant role modeling that Keith is doing around not letting OTHER PEOPLE shift his setpoint of joy!
Not strangers.
Not people he knows.
Not even his soulmate and best friend.
When you can make your joy more important than your obliger tendencies, your people-pleasing muscles, your primal ache for belonging and connecting and being a part of something, you’ve mastered it.
And like anything we master, we get to keep mastering it by using the muscles it takes to stay in practice with it every damn day.
If you’re in a living situation where your joy setpoint gets sacrificed due to OTHER PEOPLE on the regular, your work is to invite a feeling of safety around allowing different setpoints in the same space. Make it feel OKAY that you and your cohabitant idle at different speeds for joy (and for anything else). You allow different temperature setpoints and you adapt by getting a sweater or wearing lighter clothes around each other. You allow different tastes for food and you adapt by taking turns getting to set the menu. This is no different than musical taste, opinions about what beauty is, or time of day that feels most aligned for a nap.
It is safe for my joy to look different than your joy.
And the truth of it is, if my joy REQUIRES that I complain about a thing, that’s work for me to do and Keith is doing me a favor by not doing what feels un-joyful for him. It allows me to question whether I’m getting joy out of bitching about something. And when I find that I am, I’m able to ask myself what I *really* need and provide myself that if at all possible.
(It’s always possible. I can source joy.)
The Formula
There’s two steps to receiving everything you’ve already been working on, hustling for, building toward. Your aligned connection with people and projects and environments that feel great has already set the stage.
Ask.
Bask.
And when you get caught up on the HOW, your work is to ALLOW.
As we discussed last month, your work is about being clear on what you want (which may come by way of identifying your “don’t wants” — see Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting for more), living in a state of appreciation for what already IS flowing into your life, doing work that lights you up (you know it when you feel it), and staying out of the damn way as you’re tempted to meddle with miracles. Leave that to God, Source, the Universe, whatever.
Once you’re practiced with the formula, there is nothing for you to fix. Your tinkering won’t help. Don’t block the blessings. Feel your damn joy. Feel it NOW.
You’ve got this!
Aligned Hustle Calendar
Okay, we kick things off with a lot of “shake things up” energy thanks to Pluto having gone retrograde a few days ago. It’s time to transform some systems. The question is: How are you gonna shake things up? Me? I’m gonna dismantle the patriarchy; you choose what feels right for you.
We’re still in our 5 year and that means play, friskiness, fun, frolic, being seen, children, childlike glee, and all that joy-filled stuff. May specifically is a 1 month which means we are starting things, initiating things, using our energy to get things going… specifically Taurus-style for the first part of the month.
Taurus asks, “How can I be comforted? How can I luxuriate? How can I have long-term, sustainable value? How can I create things that last?” Taurus may be slow to get started, but the bull is always in it for the long haul.
We start our month off with energy for doing the work, especially if the work could use a little yin-yang balance. I really like the 2nd, because we move from Capricorn moon into the Aquarius moon under a 3 numerology, so that’s very creative energy that’s good for manifesting and doing things with a group.
On the 3rd of May, we have Mercury moving into Gemini and that’s one of its favorite places to be! We have the chattiness of the Gemini twins and mutability… Mercury loves that! If you’re the type who has trouble sleeping because your brain doesn’t shut off, it’s going to kick into high gear while Mercury’s in Gemini. Lots of chatter. Just get up and write something. There’s no turning this stuff off for a few weeks. The most active chatter will be on the 3rd with that Aquarius moon of course. If you find yourself asking, “Could we please stop talking?” the answer is… nope. Not Monday the third. We will not stop talking that day. š
We’re also in the last quarter moon here, so it’s a great time to declutter and engage in self-care. Also on the 3rd, we have Mercury squaring Jupiter *and* we have the sun squaring Saturn. Squares are hard angles. Pressure. But of course good things can come from pressure… just don’t be surprised to feel it around communication and systems. Because it’s a 4 day numerologically, you’ll be able to roll up your sleeves and GSD.
The 4th has good GSD energy until we move into that dreamy Pisces moon. May the fourth be with you. š Heh heh.
On the 7th, we have our Aries moon energy early in the day and an 8 for the numerology. This is seriously great GSD energy!
Venus moves into Gemini on the 8th. Gemini season is coming into focus with these moves (Mercury first, then Venus). We’re going to want to be more social and more expressive. We’re also going to find mental energy more attractive than what we see with our eyes or feel from the heart. Like, if someone can talk a good game, that’s gonna feel really yummy right now. Especially if they’re at all musically inclined. Be ready to swoon.
Also on the 8th, we have Venus squaring Jupiter, and these are our two benefics! So, it’s a hard angle but these are two good guys. Hard work around love and values plus luck and expansion… as pressure goes, I’ll take it!
I love the 9th with 1 numerology and an Aries (high energy) moon taking us into that more stable Taurus moon. Great day to do some manifesting!
On the 11th, we have our new moon in Taurus, just before noon PDT. This is when we plant seeds for investments, enduring value, loyalty, slow and steady growth, sustainability, and of course luxurious things. That’s all Taurus yumminess. This is also a great GSD day for manifesting and specifically bringing things together with others.
We have a great GSD day on the 12th because of the Gemini moon and the 4 numerology. The 13th is also fantastic because we’re still under that Gemini moon, we have a 5 numerological vibe, and Jupiter moves into Pisces. This is nothing but good news! Generally, Jupiter spends one year in a sign. Right now, it’s dipping into Pisces before it has done a full year in Aquarius; it’s been moving really fast. It will move into Pisces and very soon will go retrograde. Then it will come back out into Aquarius to finish the official year of Aquarius in Jupiter.
The reason this period that it goes into Pisces is important is because Jupiter loves being in Pisces *and* it’s a preview of our 2022 energy for abundance (Jupiter’s specialty). We will experience some really yummy, delicious, well-needed expansion around spirituality — like, you can expect some near psychic level dreams — and our collective expansion should feel more aligned with a gut-level knowing, with woo. Also, more people will become woo-curious and we’ll see more conversations around alignment for work that we do, rather than the whole patriarchal “work hard, play hard” bullshit of hustle culture. I am really looking forward to this! It is a time potentially of renaissance in arts and music and sculpture and beauty… it’s a really beautiful time. We’ll just be doing it for a few months in 2021, but it’s a lovely preview for what 2022 is going to be like, at least as far as Jupiter is concerned.
As if that weren’t enough, also on the 13th we have the sun sextile Neptune, which is good creative energy, and another reason that we’re all probably going to have some really interesting downloads and dreams. That 5 energy of the day being especially creative plus these big astro moves means more magic, more manifesting, more divine downloads… just be ready to receive all of that! This whole week is actually really lovely. And thank goodness, right? š
Focus on house and home with that 6 energy on the 14th because even though we have the active Gemini moon for most of the day, most of it is a void moon. Then we move into our Cancer moon which really aligns with the domestic, repair, and health energy of the numerology of the day. The energy just won’t be as high as the rest of the week may have been feeling.
I like the 17th because of the Leo moon — these days are always great for forward facing things and GSD energy — but being a 9, it’s a day of closing things off. This is also a good day to sort of wrap up the plan about anything NEW before we get too close to Mercury going retrograde.
The 18th has good GSD energy. Just make sure by this point in the month as you initiate things, it’s all stuff that you already had planned out before that day or else you could be laying the groundwork to have to deal with some Mercury retrograde shenanigans in another week and a half.
We’re still in our Leo moon on the 19th (it’s nearly midnight PDT when we shift into our Virgo moon). The 2 energy makes this day a little emotional as we finish out Taurus season and also have our first quarter moon, which is when we delegate and review. Also, your charisma will be up, so use the tail-end of that Leo moon to be seen!
On the 20th we kick off Gemini season — the Earth now joins Mercury and Venus in the sign of Gemini… and so of course because we do everything from an Earth-centered perspective, we say it’s the sun moving into Gemini, but it’s the Earth. That’s a whole separate conversation and if you’d like to dismantle the patriarchy while doing astrology, there’s a wonderful book that I recommend you preorder called Post-Colonial Astrology by Alice Sparkly Kat. They are a really phenomenal, groundbreaking post-colonial astrologer. ANYWAY, we have a great GSD day thanks to the Virgo moon, Gemini sun, 3 numerology, all happening on Jupiter’s day… I love Thursday the 20th! That’s a chef’s kiss day, y’all.
The 21st is great with that 4 energy and moving into a Libra moon. I’ve got nothing but love for that day, even though the sun is squaring Jupiter. It is still a really good, yummy day for GSD.
I also like the 22nd for GSD, with an even more fun vibe because of that 5 numerological energy shift.
The 23rd is time to focus on house and home, your health, domestic issues, and repairs because of the 6 energy… and we’re going from the Libra moon to the Scorpio moon so it’s going to intensify the emotions a little bit later that day. Also on the 23rd, we have our next retrograde… and it’s Saturn. Saturn retrograde in Aquarius. Of course, Saturn is cool in Aquarius; it likes being there. Saturn retrograde in Aquarius means we’re going to be looking at society, culture, norms, and systems as they apply to the collective, technology, and an idyllic future. The retrograde is going to be all about reviewing the work here. Making sure that we are happy with the systems and the structure that are coming through with that work we started over here last year. Of course retrograde always means go within a little bit, personally. So, even though Saturn is an outer planet and Aquarius is a collective sign, I still would encourage you to look within, to see what personal systems you could improve upon during this retrograde period of a few months.
We have good GSD energy on the 25th and it’s going to feel intense in the early part of the day because of our Scorpio moon. When the moon moves into Sagittarius, it is going to have us more expansive and curious, and we may feel more travel-twitchy and wanting to engage in higher learning if not actual physical travel. That 8 numerology of course is a power number, so I like that a lot. It’s also a Mars day so it has the energy of Mars — lots of motivation and drive.
Then on the 26th, we have our full moon in Sagittarius and this is our first eclipse of the season! The lunar eclipse of the full moon in Sagittarius is when we want to release anything that is overly ambitious, any grand plans that don’t feel like they’re coming together.
I’ll invite you to take a look at where this full moon lunar eclipse is happening — 5 degrees 25 minutes Sagittarius. On your own chart (which you can render for free at a site like Astro.com), find Sagittarius and look at the notches around the edge of the chartwheel to find 5 degrees 25 minutes Sagittarius. Look to the center of the chartwheel to find the little number that indicates which house this eclipse will be happening in, for you. For me, the eclipse will be happening the 2nd house.
As for what each of the houses MEANS, all of this is covered in my free What Your Birthday Says About You training. Once you plot this out, know that you are going to have this eclipse energizing the house in which it takes place, in your chart. So when you’re doing your full moon release, do it specifically around whatever it is that that house manages. This is how we make even better use of what’s happening in the woo through the Aligned Hustle Calendar. We now take it home to our own charts. And we can do this every month but I wanted to specifically highlight it this month because eclipses are a big deal. Yay!
On the 27th, we have Venus squaring Neptune. So Neptune is about deception and lies but also it’s the actor planet… it is the mask, it is the fantasy. Square, obviously, is a hard angle and that means pressure. Coming together with Venus, which is all about our values, how we love, how we see beauty, and how we take care of money in our lives. So look for pressure in those areas on the 27th. Also, GSD on the 27th because of that Capricorn moon coming in late. Even though the Sagittarius moon is good GSD energy for most of that day, we are under a void moon for a big chunk of the 27th. Remember, void moon is a little like Mercury retrograde; it means double check everything, do things that are already a part of your plan, don’t look to do new things… and of course, we’re so close to Mercury retrograde at this point, you want to use this time to make sure you’re setting yourself up for the most success possible!
In addition to Mercury going retrograde — which is the thing we have the most experience with because we get to do it at least three times a year — on the 29th this Mercury retrograde is happening in Gemini, which is a sign that Mercury likes to be in, but because Gemini is the sign of communication, this retrograde is gonna be extra!
As you’re planning out your May right now, please, please, please — a full two weeks before the 29th — have everything backed up, have everything confirmed, get all the new that you need done DONE, so that you’re not initiating under Mercury retrograde. Instead, you are using — under Mercury retrograde — the things that retrogrades are great for, which are reviewing, revisiting, editing, reconsidering, re-, re-, re-… but you don’t want it to be a lot of unexpected repair. My favorite re- of course is rest. I like to rest under Mercury retrograde because the world is a lot. š
Also on the 29th, we have Mercury conjunct Venus, so that’s us being more expressive about what we value. We move into our Aquarius moon late in the day and we’re in a 3 energy numerologically. Mercury going retrograde of course has its impact on us but we’ll you’ll perhaps already have been feeling that coming depending on how sensitive you are to Mercury and you know from your lived experience what that does for you. It’s not a GSD day… it’s more of a get SOME shit done day.
That Aquarius moon plus the 5 playful, fun, celebratory energy of the 31st combines to bring us a really lovely end to an incredibly active month!
Finally, I’m super excited to share with you that on the 11th, my amazing client and friend Marie Watkins will be doing a FREE webinar with me all about how she used Mercury retrograde in her business earlier this year to have a $95K month. Yes, really. She’s going to share all the things that she did pre-Mercury retrograde earlier this year so that DURING Mercury retrograde she was able to do things Mercury retrograde is great at: revisiting old clients, recharging relationships, going back into her files and pulling in business that needed to be renewed and refreshed. She did it easily… to the tune of a nearly six-figure month! We’re going to walk you through this during our webinar on the 11th (my sweet mother’s birthday, by the way; she would’ve turned 88 this year). I’m so excited for this, y’all!
All my ninja love,
Wanna join us for our monthly LIVE interactive mastermind meeting? Register here ASAP! This month’s meeting will take place via Zoom on Saturday, May 22nd, at 12pm PST. Translate that to your time zone here.
After you register, you will receive an email from Zoom with information on how to connect. You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay here for you to consume. Hooray!
Please post questions *here* (even though the robot email from Zoom includes an email address for questions). Thank you. š
If somehow you’ve never Zoomed before, we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our May 21, 2021 deep dive. Enjoy!
Our always-next-level chat chat is here. Y’all rock and I cannot WAIT to see where we go next month!!
As we finish up our look at Your Relationship with Joy, here are some prompts for you to play with in your journal and/or below in the comments.
~ Engage in Gloopspotting! (Thank you, Kate, for that term!) Find delight in spotting Augustus Gloop dressing up in infinite costumes to get all the good brain chemicals, trick-or-treat style. Just in spotting Gloop, you’re becoming a visitor, engaging executive function, and this begins to tame and retrain the part of the brain that is hooked on all those good chemicals that keep us in fight or flight so much of the time. By letting Gloop know — clever as he is — he’s not in charge, we allow for more presence which allows for more joy.
~ Do more of the whole “being present” thing since NOW is all we have and the true joy we seek is in the now. When we think we have “past joy,” we’re actually feeling connection to a past, joy-filled version of ourselves we may have even MISSED experiencing fully because we weren’t so present back then. When we work toward achieving “future joy,” we’re actually feeling hope about a place that may never materialize for us. But to be here NOW is to invite ease, freedom, space, sovereignty, delight… joy. So the more you can do to be in the now, the more you’re building up the capacity to receive more joy.
~ Even if being a part of “the 4am club” or “the 5am club” or whatever pre-sunrise-hour collective of folks who wake up early to do meditation or self-care or writing or whatever isn’t your thing, find pockets of the day — even 10 minutes will do — to ALLOW for joy. To welcome in joy. Not to heal the past. Not to analyze why joy is so hard to allow in. Just to let it know you’re ready to receive more of it. Just to be open to its presence, more fully and more consistently, without having to earn it or get sick to secretly get it in the form of recovery, with ease.
Next month’s focus: Your Relationship with Caring Less. Let’s see what Keith comes up with for us. š He specializes in caring less and there’s got to be something he can teach us about exactly HOW that setpoint gets installed. If you feel yourself caring a LOT about all the things — especially to the point that this setpoint robs you of your current joy — this caring less thing is going to change the game.
Remember with all of this we can heal lifetimes of “stuff” in an instant. There is no amount of time we have to struggle through stuff in order to heal it. Just awareness of it and grace as we move through it is enough to transform on every level… when we’re ready to let it be that dang easy.
You’ve got this, glorious ones. Beautiful work as always! Now, HUG YOURSELF!! š I love you so much.
As always, any questions for us, pop ’em in below! This month’s work is deceptively simple. We know joy can’t be THAT easy or else we’d all just fuckin’ feel it all the time, right? So do your homework. Journal. Share in the comments below. The workout you take part in here is a part of the inner work taking root. I appreciate you all for being here for one another and for showing up for yourselves! It’s so so so important. Supporting you is a big part of how *I* feel joy. So thank you for your role in my joy!! Now you… claim yours.
I started with the woo this month, and the new breakdown format works for me! I think Iām sensitive to it, but I pick up a little more of a conversational vibe (which is pretty much exactly what Iād expect with the difference in Bon-input method). Curious if it was even more joyous to let that air chat it out… š Iām looking forward to the May 11th MRx webinar for sure! Thanks for including the extra eclipse info to learn and leverage, too. Looks like Iām all in over at my 4th houseā¦
All right, back to the top to kick off this month of joy!
Not sure yet how I feel about the method of it all. I still had to do a LOT of work around the document — as it was almost an hour of my talking through the calendar for the Aligned Advantage meeting — so there was cleanup of all the tangents and examples and clarifications and missteps and stopping for questions from my questioners and all that stuff. Doing that cleanup was tedious and time consuming.
Also, the talk is always TWO passes of the calendar (big astro/big moon then small moon/numerology) so I had to merge part two into part one, each new date I hit in the process. That meant deleting out any repetition/reminders about big astro during the numerology lap, of course. And then the result felt/feels VERY LONG vs. the usual monthly woo summary. I haven’t done a wordcount to know for sure by how much longer it may be (if it even is) but it sure felt way longer.
I’d say the amount of time it took to DO this way was about the same as if I wrote it from scratch; the difference is the KIND of work. After the creative cave days that it takes to create the Expansive Capacity teach each month, I’m kind of spent, so it was kind of nice to “just do cleanup”/edit something I had already created vs. creating yet another document for the woo part. It let the “get your shit right” part of my brain relax while the editor could take over — and she’s got a very different job and energy for doing it.
So… I’ll probably try it again next month and see how it feels while I’m also in the final days of the SMFA Summit and all the energy around starting up another GIGFTNT live round. I always give something a few tries before I bail on it in case it’s just a muscle-building thing. Most of all, I wanted to be sure it doesn’t feel rambly and annoying to read, since it was created from air vs. earth. š (Although technically all my writing is very much air too.)
Ah, thatās how you did it. (You know Iāll geek out on language and communication stuff all day, lol.) Thatās what I was thinking would be my hang-up, the experience between the process of creation in the native format and the tediousness of editing speech into said format. In my opinion, it does feel a bit longer (and my brain read it differently because of that little cadence shift), but ārambly and annoyingā, no. š Itās an interesting experiment!
A separate, on-topic comment related to the photo hunt: I went a-lookinā last night, and part way through my album I found myself judging photos as to whether each had āenough joyā. For the love, Stephanie!!! I promptly intervened and put all the āshortlistedā photos in my phone. Lol. Didnāt take long to bump into a lesson. MORE. JOY.
Good job, Stephanie! I’m glad you let the “enough joy” meter maid take some time off so you could pick more than one joy-filled photo. š
Just before opening the May page I thought to myself ‘hm.. Maybe it would be good to re-visit the prep days before starting this month.’ and then I open the page and see that Bonnie put one of the videos right at the start.
Ha! How ’bout that intuition, dead-on with this work today. š
Holy Toledo, Bon! The Tell Me Your Pain Curable podcast is so well-timed, as you know. Mind-blowing.
And I love the reminder of the Dip Kit. This reminds me of Lynn Grabhornās recommendation to āget your motor runningā on those high-flying sensations which add to your vibrational bank.
And then the Abe Hicks piece. Soooooo good! All of it! Thank you for how you put all this together. Enjoying reading all this goodness.
Itās interesting because even while AH was talking about focusing on love, my brain was like, But what about people that hurt you? Drawing me right back into the fear. I took a step back and it was like my brain was showing me, āSee all these places in your body where we stored the fear?ā
And while my initial response was one of horror, I realized what an incredible opportunity this is, so Iām saying, āGood job, brain. Now we can start to release all this stuff. We donāt need to hang onto it anymore. We can start to heal with new thoughts, and I know youāre panicking. Itās ok. We are safe.ā
Really interesting to observe how that word ānewā sends my brain into a panic. And I know itās just a label and I can detach from it.
Really interesting to observe the trauma response and how quickly my brain goes there (to preoccupation).
I remember coaching with you during the pandemic, and how you helped me realize we all were in the midst of global trauma. I can see that even now, and I finally understand why some people are still choosing to pretend itās not happening, because thatās how their brains deal with trauma. Or theyāre giving their minds over to a megalomaniac who is SO bad for them. Because itās a trained response and itās familiar.
And thereās my gut, telling me my focus is starting to spiral away from joy! And it makes me think of the Body Talk session you held recently. WOW! SO COOL, Bon, how it all intertwines!
And Iām breathing in.
And Iām breathing out.
And I am safe.
I love you.
Iām gonna bask for a bit. š
Isn’t this beautiful? Great work, Laura. I love how you fully embody all of these convos and I hope you give yourself credit for all the STORED BRILLIANCE your brain and body *also* make available to you. It’s not just stored trauma and fear and pain. You store our convos… for YEARS… and you pull them up easily like a librarian with an infinite card catalogue system. Drawers and drawers of little cards and you know exactly where to go to pull up something brilliant. (Remember Day 4 GIGFTNT; we want to give credit to the superpower in this muscle you have.)
I’ve been really playing with the trick-or-treater vision a LOT (especially as we were resting after the 2nd vaccine last week; lots of mind-body alignment opportunities there). I imagine how I would feel — today, as an adult with enough money to OF COURSE supply all the neighborhood kids with candy no matter how greedy they got with coming back and back again for more — at the CLEVERNESS of their costume changes.
I have that runaway thought, preoccupation, whatever (lately it’s the size of my ass, with all the comfort food soothing I’ve been doing since getting vaccinated the first time and how many flips my brain did over it all) and as soon as I recognize it as the persistent, clever trick-or-treater it is, I smile, impressed at its cleverness. It’s like when a pet figures out how to get its treats from a closed cabinet. THEY DON’T HAVE THUMBS!! HOW DID THEY FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THAT CABINET OPEN?!?
And yet they do and while it’s maybe a mess and maybe a small problem for a minute, ultimately it’s adorable and there’s something about the diminutive “you’re so cute, you clever child” that creates even MORE power over the preoccupation. The observer stance, the narrator, all the Eckhart Tolle stuff just gets REALLY well-flexed at that moment.
And BOY is that some fast turnaround on poopy thoughts!!! Like, whoa!
I love doing this work with y’all!
laura & bonnie – !
i love all of the connections each of you made on this thread. it’s like watching a quilt being assembled!
thank you.
Yes that’s beautiful Laura and Bonnie!
As I was journaling last week, my brain and I went off on a little convo that I found to be soothing to this work. I thought Iād share it in case itās a POV that helps someone else, too. Very much in line with Bonās non-threatening fingernails analogy.
Every skill the brain is able to accomplish has a neural pathway. At first, the pathway is forged as a new series of connections between neurons, often a bit haphazardly. If that skill is attempted again, the pathway is slightly refined with experiential knowledge. In regular practice of this new skill, the brain begins to reinforce this pathway further by insulating it with myelin (sort of like a fatty blanket or the insulation in an electrical wire). Myelin sheathing is built microscopically, layer by layer, further strengthening the pathway each time, and the pathway becomes increasingly efficient and accessible. Over time, a skill can become highly myelinated, such that the pathway is practically on auto-pilot. Countless pathways are insulated in this manner; myelin isnāt a zero-sum game, and insulating one path doesnāt inherently degrade another.
So, if we assume sourcing joy is simply another skill to be practiced, it is no more threatening than layering on the microscopic layers of myelin we have yet to build. I have a harder time feeling self-judgmental when I think of it this way, so I offer it as a soothing thought. š
Beautifully summarized and spelled out in non-intimidating words. Thank you, Stephanie. I love this and I know it’s gonna help others who may still find the idea of creating brainspace for joy to come at it more dispassionately. Heck, I may even ask you if I may use this (crediting you fully, of course) in the Superpower Sunday for this month’s wrap-up!! Think about it. š For sure, it’s a share on the Zoom if you’re not too tapped out of me always asking you to share something on the Zooms lately. š
Iād be honoured, Bon. Thank you for gently lobbing that at me, giving me the space to receive the request and settle. š As for being ātapped outā, no. In fact, youāve been āsecretlyā part of my ULP experimental growth plot to teach my brain that it might be okay to speak up and share more. I alluded to it in my baby shower story and in a few previous EC comments, but itās been a longer game since Novemberās ābeing seenā topic, and a much longer game healing through traumatic experiences as a kid with a propensity to share her brain (you know the stories from our coaching).
Your repeated requests have been AFGO prompts to peek out of my shell and consider the possibility that it might be a bit safer than it wasā¦ some people might want to hear from me, and might actually like to hear my thoughts for purposes other than weaponization. Perhaps, just perhaps, that red-alert adrenaline shock thatās triggered every time I step beyond the āsafety lineā is running a little too hot. (Thanks, amygdala. Turns out sharing what we know about myelin in this circle isnāt life-threatening.)
All that to say yes, to either or both sharing spaces. Just skip the preamble paragraph if you quote directly. Iām not sure the internet-at-large would quite understand āmy brain and I went off on a little convoā in the same way you and the EC masterminds understand me here. Lol!
I was reading more about this yesterday before the call, and I thought this would be fun information to add: an electrical impulse (also called an “action potential”, which I love) travels along an unmyelinated path at 0.5-10 metres per second, or around 1-22mph. The same action potential travelling along a myelinated path can clock at upwards of 150 metres per second, or about 336mph. No wonder it’s hard to get out ahead of the negative thought sometimes… it’s literally travelling faster (again, no judgment, it’s just science). And therefore, when you do get closer to meeting it (and eventually out ahead of it with joy first), it’s a showcase of your progress in building that myelin-insulated path.
(It’s joyful for me to put these pieces together, so I’m brazenly sharing this joy with you. š )
I love how you are able to express these thoughts and I love reading what you and Bonnie say back and forth. I have great joy at being in this community.
WOW Stephanie! Thank you for the science visual! How incredibly cool!
Isn’t it?! š
Iām just coming through a very clear expansion-contraction cycle, and wanted to share that, tooā¦ itās all a result of our work together.
Long story made short (but with Mercury in Gemini right now, maybe not that short): I hosted a virtual baby shower yesterday via Zoom for my sister. Somehow, she managed to evade the Zoom onslaught and hadnāt done any, whereas Iāve been on A LOT (largely with all of you!). So, when the Zoom started, my normally extroverted sister turned super-camera-shy and I had to jump in and work the party along, making sure to coach her surreptitiously behind the laptop, too. I realized last night that the experience was an opportunity for me to see myself in a mirror (weāre two sides of the same coin in many ways). This mirror showed me how much Iāve grown- I didnāt hesitate to jump in and āperformā, even with people I didnāt know on the call, whereas I can remember so very clearly just how petrified I was to even say hello on my first Zooms. I was able to take a good amount of joy in that growth last night.
And then this morning, I darn near fell into a panic attack. Thank goodness I was able to back myself off the cliff with some tapping, some micro joy-sourcing (the above podcast exercise was key), and the tools Iāve been practicing with yāall. Iām still feeling raw, but it was a soul shiver moment when, while I was tapping, executive-brain offered: āhey, you know what? Weāre experiencing a contraction! Even though you feel unsafe, itās normal, weāll be ok. Breathe.ā Thatās the clearest example Iāve had of this expansion-contraction mechanism to date, and thought Iād share. I also wanted to say thanks for giving me the tools and practice, both to sail through the choppy Zoom waters and to handle the contraction cycle that followed. #AFGO, right? Definitely a big entry in my “Growth Notes” I’ve been keeping since last month.
YESSSSSSSS to all of this. LOVE those moments when executive function narrates something all the other characters are really whipped up in, believing it’s a documentary rather than just some fun little play we’ve seen 100 times.
So SO SO good!! Well spotted and THANK YOU for sharing. I know how helpful these concrete examples are to ensure we all recognize when they happen in our own lives (because it’s so easy to shrug ’em off and discount these AFGOs as NBD). This is big and good and wonderful! Aaaaaaaah!
Big and good and wonderful, and jarring and jolting and haphazard like the new neural pathway the electrical brain impulse followed. I guess Iām experiencing a hands-on demonstration of my myelin dissertationā¦ I had another mini-panic attack yesterday morning, but it was a bit better this time. So, that’s a contraction win.
Thank you so much for the cheer-reinforcement. Still scary, still feels really big (big enough that part of me wants to back off and discount the whole thing), but the cheers help to support that I am and will be ok. š
wow, stephanie!
what an amazing experience of recognition!
WAHHHHH this is SO good!! YUHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSS
<3 <3 <3
Way to go, Stephanie!
Yes way to go, Stephanie – you are deep, I love how you express yourself.
Thank you, Judy!! <3
Surprise! I’ve recorded a bonus calendar MP3 for you with info about planetary days of the week and planetary hours, as you use your Aligned Hustle Calendar. Woo HOO! It is waiting for you at your EC welcome page. Yay!
Oo TY!!!
On the micro, experiencing lots of moments of joy and celebrating it and seeing where my life is already what I want it to be. Ex: doing my SMFA Summit interview. My teensy podcast being asked to join a collective. Every time I see a flower blooming on my walks with Maple, I revel in it. Discovering how great I feel after skate practice + when I jump rope. My only tweak is to allow myself to sit in these feelings more before I move on.
On the macro, I am experiencing some wobble. I’m not doing anything different with my life, except that I have accepted that this is my life–I am an actor and a writer–and that I tier jumped this year energetically and professionally. It’s just sitting in this new tier and the contraction that I’m currently in after months of expansion feel sticky. I’m refocusing my work flow so that it’s based off what I feel like doing vs. what I feel like I have to do + not trying to chase things anymore + listen to myself. All new things that… now that I think about it, has come since this new tier jump. Wow. Wowowowowowowowowow–I think I just reframed for myself what I’ve been going through and experiencing this whole time. Of COURSE I’m doing all these new things that’re making me feel weird BECAUSE I tier jumped. I can’t possibly stay in the old ways of doing things if I’m at a different place in my life. It’s not HUGELY different, but it is a shift. HUH.
HMMMMMMMM
Nice shift, Quincy. You got this!
Yesssssssssssssssss!
I just love this, Quincy. Applauding you!
amazing, Quincy! what a realization.
i’m with Laura, you’ve got this!
Yes Quincy – YOU have got this!
Woo-Woo Wednesday: my 5th house starts in Sagittarius and ends in Capricorn (I’m using Placidus, which I prefer atm). So, according to PlanetWatcher, Iāve got a quiet 5th house touring schedule right now (which is fine… I have a natal stellium there, so a reduction in energy isn’t necessarily bad, lol). The Moon is the only one coming for a visit this month on the 27th, which also brings my monthly lunar return as a Sagittarius Moon baby!
Brainstorming some joyous Moon activities to do, I thought about my natal Moon and how it loves to deep-dive and learn things. So, maybe watching some travel shows, enrolling in a course, or spending a few hours picking new library books would be a good activity. Capricorn likes the work, so the Moonās transit within my 5th house would carry me through the subsequent study of what I choose to focus on. I also thought about the Moon itself being more receptive and emotional, so Iām thinking emotionally-based chats with family could feel good, as could wallowing in some extra self-care, and revisiting EC Zoom we had on Receiving. Maybe even revisiting some more emotional monologues/scenes/songs in practice.
Looking forward to discussing other thoughts to prep for this joy with you all. Itās the only luminary/planet to visit my 5th until October, so itās a good opportunity to rack up my joy practices and dial in my alignment each pass. š
Yes!! Love seeing the monthly moon visits to your 5th house as a GREAT opportunity to build up toward what you’ll get to do in October! Especially anything involving intuitive hits around WHAT to study or HOW to implement the work of what you studied. Like, getting a gut-hit that you want to learn Swahili and then following through on that. Taking an online course, then signing up for a Swahili cooking demo where you’ll do experiential learning of that thing your gut had you explore. š
Great work, Stephanie!
Thanks for confirmation I’m on the right track! š Yay!
Stephanie, I’m also a Sagittarius Moon, and it’s become one of my favorite things about myself! Sounds like you love yours, too :).
The Woo-Woo Wednesday email got me all kinds of jazzed! There are a TON of planets traversing my 5th House right now (for the next month or so), and on top of that, the Sun is set to illuminate my 5th House starting TOMORROW (until June 6th)! Talk about the best time ever to have joined Expansive Capacity. š
So in my Whole Sign natal chart, 5th House holds SunĀ + Mercury in Taurus.
In Placidus: Ā no planets/placements; a little Taurus, but mostly Gemini energy.
Currently what’s at play in my 5th House: Sun, Venus, N. Node, Mercury AND the MOON! Ā (+ Uranus if using Whole Sign)… It looks bonkers, like the playground at recess in grade school! Lol.
I went back to “What Your Birthday Says About You” to revisit Gemini (and also check my notes on Taurus):
Taurus —Ā slow, steady; beauty-oriented; abundance, luxury; tenacious; 5 senses/sensual; willing to put in the work; sticks with the plan once it’s FINALLY decided upon; measured, calculated
Gemini — impulsive, quick, dual; talking, chattery esp in the mind… brain-stormy, busy-minded (like twins talking); expressive, great with words; good listeners too
I’m noticing that Venus is at home in Taurus (I think the Moon is exalted here, too?). Mercury is at home in Gemini. (Sun and Mercury in my natal chart are in Taurus as well, so this feels familiar and safe.)
Leaning into Play, Joy & Creative Genius w/:
SUN, ie. sense of self (from the outside) — wearing outfits that feel playful, inspire joy in me (even if I have nowhere to go), playing with makeup and hairstyles; bringing my own unique sense of beauty and play to my self/image/appearance in ways that please me
MOON, ie. emotional compass/wellbeing (inside, out) — engaging my five senses within the first hour of my day (taking walks with my love, smelling and tasting coffee/chai, hugging, journaling); EFT Abundance Sequence; practice honing my whispers of intuition throughout the day (as simple as choosing yoga poses, or what to eat for lunch, for starters)
VENUS, ie. love, beauty, money, value(s) — taking delight in caring for my belongings and space (keeping tidy and uncluttered; as I clean/tidy, I get to acknowledge my gratitude for everything I touch or encounter; if I spend money, I get to do so as I proclaim, “I delight to spend my money [on such and such]…”). I love using the Bonnie Gillespie Choosing Joy method in this realm – choosing to value my money, my space, my relationships… I get to elevate all the things I value by treating them kindly and expressing my gratitude (from friends to belongings to space to ideas).
MERCURY, ie. communication, travel, learning, speaking (esp. about what you know) — carrying over from Venus… I experience joy in communicating gratitude and encouragement to those I love. (I’m also turning over the idea of putting more of my writing out there – whether that takes the form of blogs, vlogs, songs, screenplays… Hmm…)
URANUS, ie. innovation, thinking outside the box — I think that I think outside the box quite regularly and naturally. In fact, it may be one of my biggest assets (and one of the things for which my friends come to me most often). I love group think. It would be fun for me to join a writer’s group and/or songwriter’s circle!
Whew! That’s a lot to be excited about! But I sincerely love the look and sound of this, can I make it my full-time job? What a dream :)… I’m so happy to be here, and can’t wait to hear other people’s ideas on the Woo-Woo. <3
WOW! What a joy explosion, Liz!! This is *so* fabulous!! I’m excited to see all of this come together!!!
An excitement explosion, indeed! I love all that you shared here. Lots to think about and play with, and I really enjoy hearing how others interpret the woo, too. It’s fun to bounce ideas around!
And yes, I do love my Sagittarius Moon. š My sun sign definitely isn’t the whole story, and I’ve come to understand a lot of what I like about myself can be attributed to the influence and joy my Sag moon takes in learning, deep-diving, and connecting the dots. <3
This podcast comes from vocal teacher John Hennyās podcast as he interviews Mike Goodrich. Though circling the topic of mindset and the voice on the surface, they basically reiterate what weāve been talking about the last few months regarding receiving, joy, and allowing ourselves to need/want/desire.
One great metaphor Mike uses is the āthermostatā, whereby if we have our thermostat set at a specific point and we exceed it, the HVAC kicks in and brings us back down to the set ātemperatureā. Itās only when we change our thermostat that we increase our capacity… for joy, or for anything else. An apt metaphor for ULPs and expanding, donāt you think?
Nothing new here, but it might be nice to share it as a reiteration. š
https://johnhenny.com/episode-214-the-inner-singer-with-mike-goodrich/
I love your intro to this audio, and I cannot wait to listen to it this afternoon! Thanks for sharing :D.
Bonnie’s discussion of accepting varying emotional set points amongst roommates/living partners above stuck out to me today, so this feels right on par for where I might focus today :). (Plus the void moon heading into Cancer probably lends itself in that direction as well – but I’m new to the VM concept.)
I woke up this morning questioning myself: what is the benefit of me waking up in fear and anxiety, anyway? With work, Iāve managed to start opening a little space where I can ask this before the disc starts running.
One of the confronting reasons that hit me fully today: part of me is anticipating disappointment. If I donāt feel as joyful, the sadness/fear/shame/whatever wonāt hurt as much, and the joy is anticipated to be sweeter by way of deprivation (plucking a tonally dissonant bass note, I hear). How interesting to see this program at work. The other confronting but unsurprising reason that appeared to me is control. If Iām not feeling emotional āextremesā, I canāt make emotionally-charged mistakes or have my judgment clouded, nor can I be told to āchill outā. Hola, patriarchy! *drinks*
Iām acknowledging my process here as I float the idea and tap on what it might feel like if I expect joy instead of fear. What if I CAN make clear-headed calls from above the clouds as below them? After all, it is always clear above the clouds when you fly… š
Off I go to practice EXPECTING JOY in today’s Summit chats!
YES!
Quick question:
I have this quote on a sticky note, but noticed today I don’t have it attributed, Bon! Could you please remind me where this came from?
“Growth happens at the velocity I am willing to say yes to the discomfort.”
I’m the one who shared it. It came from one of the group coaching convos in a membership/mastermind I’m a part of, and it was shared as “a saying” vs. being something the person who shared it had come up with. TL;DR = I don’t know whom to attribute with that juicy goodness!
Ah, that’s why I didn’t have it written and couldn’t trace the lineage past you! All good then, I’ll turn off that mental flag. š The quote is getting a workout over here lately; I keep going back to it over and over. Thanks again for sharing it!
alas, i’m unable to attend tomorrow’s call, but i will definitely catch the replay! this month’s topic has been rolling around in my brain since a coaching call i had with Bon at the end of march & all the goodness above is adding to the conversation in my body.
what Bonnie & i discussed, in part, is how i’ve made so many bold moves in my life choosing not to accept the fear-based beliefs of my tribe & i gratefully choose/source joy in so many aspects of my life. so why don’t i allow/source joy in my artistic life in the same manner? & i might add, for what am i beating myself up?
i have one of those dual-sided frames & on side is a photo of me when i had just turned 3, lying in the grass, with a bootie on from my toe being smashed in a car door. i don’t look happy, but honestly, i can tell, it’s not just because of my toe. there’s a sadness in that kid who’s sucking her thumb. one the other side, is a photo from when i was, i dunno, 1 1/2 -2 & there’s the smile of an unencumbered baby! yay!
last night i realized that i have been living with a story in my head: somewhere, somehow, down the line, all of the struggle, overcoming trauma, work, birth order, friendships & connections, debt, being born through induced labor (hence why i’m never ready), self-examination, all of it–someday i’ll have a moment where i realize ‘ahhhh, that’s why i’ve been on this particular journey. now i understand.’ i’m sure i’ve created this mythical story because i’ve heard folx i admire allude to something similar. or i’ve witnessed their doing so. i’ll never forget one of Allison Janney’s first acceptance speeches where she said something about her being “late to the party” but she couldn’t give up–she even took a career test to see what else she could do & was told “systems analyst” & since she couldn’t bear to do that, she kept going.
(and yes, as an aside, i know that another reason this story is in my head is because i’ve witnessed my sisters & brothers before me & how bitter & broken they are. there must be one person who can break from this no-boundaries-honored uptight tribe & live a conscious intentional life sourced with JOY…!!)
& then i thought today: Zaytoun, what if there isn’t a moment somewhere down the line? what if you don’t have a neat “evident” story to tell? what if this, this moment now, is the story, whatever that is? what are you waiting for? (Godot, of course!)
living in this realization right now feels both wonderful & awful–i’m actually experiencing both a tightening & a release. obviously it’s still a challenge for me to give up the myth & choose/source the joy now. i’m not there…yet.
but i look forward to hearing more for y’all & have faith i’ll catch up to myself & little Connie in those years before she turned 3.
have a blast tomorrow & sending so many smooches your way!
Connie, when you wrote about trying to find your joyful picture, I had a similar experience. It was fascinating to see how early I learned to be cautious. But around 1 and 1/2 I found a pic of unbridled joy where I was swinging, and I still revel in that picture. I also still LOVE to swing on a swing and try to give myself that treat. Gotta go soon!
Iām fascinated by your time theories of being late to the party. Sometimes I feel like a late bloomer too, and I am just now having the thought, What if Iām arriving precisely when I mean to? What if right now is right for me? What if right now is the right time for you to embrace joy and success and all the goodies life has to offer?
When you cook something, do you wait to eat it? Do you wait to savor it?
Just trying to think of a way to help you stop delaying your joy, and Iām learning from this too, because Iāve been delaying it myself. And whom am I āprotectingā by doing that? I hurt no one by feeling my joy right now!
I like that framework for folks who may put others first, habitually. “I hurt no one by feeling my joy right now!” It is a baby step toward better self-prioritizing by making it about how there’s no harm you’re causing others by feeling “MY JOY” (it’s already yours; you just choose not to embrace it, own it, savor it sometimes). Love this work!
Laura & Bonnie & Everyone on that beautiful call,
THANK YOU!
Kathi & Laura—happy to know i’m not alone in our very early age baby photos.
Keith, the “trick” to draw that line on depression is wonderful.
& Laura—you & i have celebrated our “late bloomer” status & i think we should do it even more with a date with a swing!
i feel like so many of our EC topics are folding in on this one for me—in particular, the myths/stories i tell myself, certainty, manifestation, desire, belonging (or rejecting), & my relationship with my true north. ALL OF THESE are tied into my JOY, & as you repeated in the call, what if there is no “ah-hah” moment down the road??
the disappointment in myself & confusion from others which i’ve taken on & internalized regarding choices in my life are obviously Resistance dressed up like Augustus Gloop on Halloween & that has pulled me away from my JOY NOW.
& the repeated hateful actions the sisters grimm hurl at me whenever i stand more into my own as a socio-political artist are the actions of women who are racist & misogynistic, yes, but also fear-filled & very sad when i really look at what they do. as Bonnie wrote to me sometime back, i can see the hate they have for themselves through what they direct toward me. so i’m already starting to practice my CARE LESS work here!
Laura, to your point, i suppose i’ve been “protecting myself” from the tribe’s rejection even though i know i’ve made choices in opposition to their own. but i lived with the “myth” that we could all be respectful of each other. alas, that is not the case. i hope i’m kicking that habit!
y’all, in the call, you really helped me reflect on MY EGO! my ego’s attachment to somehow i’m supposed to be ‘good enough’ to figure out this quagmire & then harmony will befall all of us AND i’ll still succeed as an artist who helps give voice to the disenfranchised. & because Connie is less than perfect (care less, Zaytoun!), i’m actually disappointed in her (lack of) accomplishments & rob myself of JOY. wft, Wilma!?!?
& yes, i see you! in fact, i’m feeling some shame right now (see, another EC topic!) that i’m attached to an ego who feels that i could be some kind of superwoman who can wield that kind of smarts & power & perfection. RELEASE that one + all the papers i’ll never attack & organize!
dayum. “i’m a wonderful person who’s worthy of love & my past got me here.”
ahhhh… this moment now is the story; this moment now is the joy.
my gratitude for this community fills my heart. thank you for being part of my chosen tribe!
I feel so absent this month on this subject/Zoom call and therefore unqualified to comment but I have to tell you Connie that I want to take little pieces of your epiphanies and stickie note them to my very soul and heart. So thank you. <3
Kellye, sugar!
please do & i always welcome your comments! most of what i wrote above are repeats of what i heard from the call, but i find it helpful to echo back for my own process.
so many smooches your way – !
Connie, I so love reading/hearing your comments each month. Youāre a mirror for me, too! You hit me square today with āā¦somehow iām supposed to be āgood enoughā to figure out this quagmire & then harmony will befall all of us AND iāll still succeed as an artistā¦ā Gosh, do I feel that. Iāve come around to seeing it as a big reason for my Resistance. (Funny-strange to notice I resist the imperfect mess because I feel I should have the perfect answer already.)
Anyway, thank you for that mirror this morning. š Off we go to a care less June!
thank you, Stephanie!
i’m so with you in this—i keep recognizing my Wilma (negative nilly) all dressed up in different ego-costumes attempting to fake me out & keep me from my work as an artist & from my joy! she’s a shape-shifter! can’t wait to care less about her actions and her kin…
Ugh, yes! You’ve also just cracked open a little something else for me… yes, my “Wilma” is a shape-shifter… but so am I, darn it. Two can play at this game! š
Mercury chess match.
Lmao!! Precisely! (Kasparov v. Deep Blue has nothing on this.)
As a mom, it’s like you’re yelling at me when you mention postponing your joy. Two days ago, I was telling my husband how much I need a break and he said get a massage (he meant for me to do it today which is our anniversary). I said “well, I was thinking about waiting until the kids go off to camp in a month.” In a month!!! I mean, how much fun am I going to be around for the next month knowing I badly need something like a massage?!
I think my kids are at the only school in LA that is still learning remotely — I want them to go back to in-person learning partly for their own emotional state and partly for my emotional state. I do meditate regularly (and go for walks, and spend time in nature), but something as luxurious as a massage (that requires more effort in order to have it) gets delayed until my daily responsibilities shift.
While I’m ranting on this subject (I do love my kids by the way), I went to visit my dad last weekend to help him out. An on-going cough mixed with vaccine side-effects landed me at Urgent Care. And when I say that all happened FOR me it’s because I was able to pass out, “stay in bed”, all day on Saturday guilt-free. That is one empty cup.
I gotta look at the photo of me as a kid as one of the kids I’m taking care of every day. She gets equal love and attention. No more delaying my joy for others. Baby steps, though.
So I get two times a year when I can make a plan for the whole family to do something with me that they will actually agree to that truly brings me joy — my birthday and mother’s day — and I absolutely take advantage of those days. But I may need to incorporate more joyful activities for during the week that take more effort on my part (going to the beach, getting a massage, etc) and only requires ME to be a part of it. I want everyone to be happy together as a group, but I actually think I will feel more joy making sure I’m joyful first and if others want to participate then the more the merrier. My oxygen mask goes on first. Stay in my own lane. Gotta keep reminding myself of that.
For me, my relationship to joy is related to my relationship with self-care, my relationship to self-love, my relationship to time, relationship to motherhood, so many things.
April I sooooooo feel you on this struggle! In fact just yesterday I called to schedule a massage for July- AFTER our family trip in 2 weeks because I just have ātoo much to do to get us all readyā and once we hopefully can hire a sitter again. But when I called, they said āactually someone just canceled. Want to come tonight?ā I felt guilt, I felt a bunch of āshouldaā, I asked my husband… but my body was definitely screaming out for some tlc after sleeping (definitely not actually sleeping) around my 5 year old whoās battling nightmares. So I said yes. And it was glorious. And I scheduled my next 2 appointments before I left.
As you say, we gotta put our own masks on first. But it is so hard in a culture that pushes the perfect mother/ martyr mother narrative. Sending hugs. Iām with you.
I should’ve listened to the A-H above before posting. Soooo good! (Wish I could make it my ring tone!) Back to joy, back to joy, back to joy, back to joy. Just like you wrote above about finding joy in moments of just being. Simple and self-empowering. I got the lesson. š
Why can’t you make it your ringtone?
What sort of phone do you have?
We can make this happen
2 things
1) I think that cureable audio just changed my life. I had such an aha moment around the pattern of bad feelings feeling familiar and therefor safe. And Iāve noticed the connection between my stress level (specifically my level of feeling like I have the support I need) and my pain levels. In fact the day after my BFF and o lay bubble friend this past year moved away, I threw out my neck. Ah yes. I see you body. I hear your needs.
Thank you so much for sharing.
And 2…. Iāve completely forgotten what the second thing was. Um… guess Iāll come back later. Byeeeeeeeeee
Been napping on and off all day trying to appease a bad migraine. So disappointed to miss this session of joy with you all, but I canāt wait to catch the replay. Have a wonderful joy filled and connecting time today my friends. ā¤ļø
I also wanted to add this one dismount to being brazen enough to expect joy and get it: “Yes, this is correct”. I don’t know where Bon first used this phrase anymore (I think it was in relation to money and tier jumping), but it came to me last night as one to try out here. It might help to soften that “but, but, but” in a way that soothes my gold-star-trained brain. š
Lesson notes from my latest petting session while bunny-sitting my sister’s rabbit:
Every time I walk by Thumperās cage, she follows me expectantly. If I put my hand near her or the cage, sheāll nudge it, sometimes doing a couple excited laps of the cage first. This is her way of asking for some petting. And of course she gets them, because who can say no to that face? Ask and expect. If it doesnāt come, just ask again. Being your cute self might help.
While Iām petting her, Thumper will often nuzzle her head up under my hand and sort of melt there. Lean in to joy. Bask.
Sheāll also often readjust herself, presenting where she next wants some love and removing where sheās had enough petting. Donāt be afraid to shift if youāre no longer getting joy. Joy is not static, and when it’s gone, just move on to the next.
(This is Thumper, btw: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13CZdejNZ5IeNG_kHYHeM0iJMuO7PBCP7/view?usp=sharing) š
YES! Love life lessons from Thumper! Purrrrrr. (Or whatever it is that’s the equivalent of purring, in rabbit.)
Fun fact: rabbits do actually purr! It’s not a vocalized purr like a cat; rabbits chatter their teeth together and it makes a contented purr-like noise. It’s quiet, but adorable. (There I go again… #SoOnBrand, but #SoInJoy, too.)
It’s been so good for me to have joy be the focus this month. I try to keep joyful moments in my life throughout the day. I’ve been battling the last three days and have to keep bringing my thoughts back to joy. I can have a sad baseline going on and still let a joyful moment in. I know how to do that – sometimes I muddle in the grief or other sadness but I can choose to change it. Sometimes like yesterday it was just time and getting through the day knowing it will get better – thankfully I can’t stand feeling bad for too long – I reach out, I open up, and wait for time to pass, I know it will. And even during that I can pet my cat with joyful purpose, I can smile now as I’m writing this. I do love it best when I’m in a joyful mood and joy is easy and all around.
Looking forward to caring less – I’ve made many strides but I still have a level of fear and anxiety that could improve with caring less. Maybe it’s anger.
The Summit was fabulous for me I was inspired by each interview. Bonnie the questions you ask lead and help the person you’re interviewing, you guide them to be in the best light. I think it’s because of all you know and remember, your talents amaze me, I love your mind.
Judy,
your comments about intermingling sadness with joy during the course of a day remind me of SHADOWLANDS when Joy, who’s in remission, instructs CS Lewis:
“I think it can be better than just managing. What I am trying to say is that the pain then is part of the happiness now. That’s the deal.”
we can hold both truths & they inform each other—that’s the deal. it’s really beautiful.
and i concur re: the summit! i know that folx have emerged from the pandemic cocoon (albeit, i’m not exactly on-board with ‘all-the-things-todo-busy-life’ & ‘peopling’ yet!). i see it everywhere here in nyc. but Bonnie & team—what y’all did was glorious! & Bonnie, i’ve said it before & i’ll say it again, it’s really something to witness your listening to your guests with such an open face & heart. it radiates & pulls us in, even when we’re not ‘live’ in the room. you reminded me of the absence of energy folx like Colbert & Meyers experienced with late night this past year, & even though they have a huge team to support their efforts, it took courage to persevere with no audience energy in return. we all see your courage & smarts & are most grateful!
I was journaling this morning over why it feels so dangerous/wrong to brazenly expect joy, and found one answer in the very etymology of ābrazenā: of brass, hardened, unable to show shame. Ta da, I present: Patriarchy! Jeez, itās everywhere. Somewhere inside here, to expect is to step into power and not be submissiveā¦ but itās also attached to being self-aggrandizing, offensive, hard, spoiled, a diva. I am actively trying to engage each morning with this ask-and-expect-receipt process anyway, thereby breaking the paradigm (and breaking my brain). Small steps, but Iām going to take a page out of Bonās playbook and celebrate the tiny progress, here. Iām also going to lean on some more etymology to help: āexpectā only comes from ‘ex-‘ thoroughly, and ‘spectare-‘ to look. Not so scary to think of it as a playful hide-and-seek.
The idea of Lilith as a non-submissive archetype also popped up, likely in echo of Rachel Langās Summit chat. An interesting side quest to consider. Anyway, off to June!
Have you heard of or even done a deep-dive on Elizabeth Lesser’s Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes? I went to a couple of the virtual events around her book’s release and didn’t click with her on an interactive learning level so I didn’t go as deep as I wanted to, but it got me doing a really good job of just rashomon-ing narratives to check how many times the POV we all buy into as “true” is the cis-het-straight-white-male POV.
Ooh, no! You know you have my attention with a shiny to deep dive on…
Cassandra came up briefly with relation to Lilith this afternoon (and more specifically where my Lilith is), so this is the perfect research segue. No coincidence detected. š Thank you!!
I just wanted to pop back in here to say thank you again for this book recommendation, holy cow. I swung into my libraryās online platform, the e-book was available and waiting for me, and I devoured it in a weekend. SO much to think about, consider, and re-evaluate… with some real tears and anger I didnāt expect to show up. Mind-opening in many ways. Much appreciated!
Oh, goodie! I’m so glad!