Hello you beautiful people. It’s time to dive in on our topic for December!
This month is all about Your Relationship with Your True North. This one is a GOOOOOD one. Yay! Purpose!! Why we were put on this Earth in the first place!!! Nothing high-pressure at ALL about getting that shit right, right? 😉 Ah… gotta love it.
Let’s kick things off with a (re-)visiting of our true north visualization work.
Do that, even if you’ve done it before. Go on the trip. Really feel yourself at that moment and in that place you’ve traveled to, looking around, taking it all in, sensing that RIGHTNESS of that space and time and your centeredness in it all… and let it knit itself into your cellular NOW a bit.
Making this future feel real — regularly — helps light up that part of the brain (the medial prefrontal cortex) that goes dark when we think of strangers and our future selves. The more we not only flash forward to that true north version of ourselves… but BRING BACK FEELINGS from that visualization into our NOW bodies… the more we’re able to fire up brain chemistry that keeps us from rejecting the successes that lead us TO that future. Because they feel RIGHT instead of scary.
They feel like verification of everything we already KNOW in our soul, rather than kicking up primal brain messaging about some other shoe about to drop or needing to watch our back for the bad thing that has to be coming to balance out that win.
What we don’t want to do is achieve a bit of success and wonder if it’s real, if it “counts,” if it might actually be taking us OFF our true north path… then spin out about what we might need to be doing differently or what this new level of success might mean or what our relationships now require of us in ways we’re not equipped to give… then self-sabotage, sit too long in resistance or overwhelm, backtrack, or revert to last-tier behaviors in an attempt to remind ourselves we’re still our “old selves.”
Ugh.
What is the flippin’ point about doing all this work to GET aligned with our next-tier selves if we bounce out when we do any little bit of advancing toward that true north?
The point, of course, is to normalize that progress. To make REAL that next-tier experience and that next-tier conversation and that next-tier relationship and that next-tier fear (yes, fear) so that WHEN the next-tier manifestation shows up for us we welcome it, know there’s always contraction to meet expansion (it’s just balance, y’all), thank the contraction (“Good job, brain”) for helping us KNOW that we’ve grown, and KEEP GOING.
Why Your True North Is Important
Whether your true north is an image of you in hair and makeup before heading to set, you on stage alone in the spotlight, you surrounded by cast and crew at the wrap party for a phenomenal project, you going from meeting to meeting and fielding offers (all of which bliss you out), or some kaleidoscope of all of these things and more, it is important that it be YOUR true north. That these values and images and FEELINGS be anchored to YOUR desires.
Because if your true north is filled with what you think “they” want you to be, you’re never going to get confirmation that you’re on the right path.
Confirmation that we’re on the right path comes from the gut. It’s that resonance when we say YES to something and just KNOW it’s a good idea — not from the brain but from almost the entire body if we’re dialed in well.
But when we head up a path toward what we THINK is supposed to be our true north rather than what is actually our true north… we never get that gut-hit when we’re on the right path. Instead we stay up in our head about it all. We logic the heck out of everything. We second-guess and triple-guess and doubt ourselves… because we’re not really working toward anything that’s ALIGNED with our SELVES. So, of course we doubt ourselves. We’ve not involved ourselves at all, when we’re living the life we think we’re supposed to rather than the life we feel in our bones is ours.
That’s the energy that — if we ignore it enough — will take us by the shoulders and forcefully say, “Bitch, sit down,” eventually.
It doesn’t have to be that dramatic. It can even be easy. If you’ve already done the true north visualization today *and* maybe gotten a little emotional, you’ve already started reclaiming your true north. You’ve already made a deal with your inner self that you’ll check in with it to see what your SOUL might like to do here on earth. Just by being here, you’ve told yourself that YOUR true north is worth the investment.
No matter what.
Alignment with Your True North Path
One of my favorite parts about being on my true north path is how flippin’ EASY it is. Wait. EASY is the wrong word. It’s easeful. Is that a word? It’s filled with EASE.
Sure, I still have to do “stuff” that’s not all that glamorous. I have to network. I have to send the sales email. I have to advertise. I have to put out my free content — showcasing me being on-brand, doing my true north path work — and contend with drastically more non-buyers than buyers (and some haters too). I have to manage my business and my personal wellness. I have to keep myself high-performance-ready so I can do my best FOR my buyers.
And I have to be ready for Oprah’s call. Because when it comes, if my response is, “Oh fuck! I’m not ready!” (and that can be due to anything ranging from not having the right outfit to wanting to lose 20 pounds or from not having finished the book yet to really needing a website overhaul before Oprah-level traffic is headed to it), I’ve already pre-paved INTO my true north path a detour, a ditch, a totally optional — and self-created — way to NOT live out my life’s work at my best and highest expression.
Why would I do that to myself?
Why would I spend so many years, so much work, so much money investing in my brain and my systems and my team and my LIFE… and then already, right now, KNOW that I have a bomb planted under a crucially important bridge on that true north path of mine?
For the same reason we ALL do that. It’s challenging to admit we have the enoughness that makes it safe to say yes when Oprah calls. And because the medial prefrontal cortex goes dark when we think about our future selves, the LESS we do to connect to that version of ourselves who DOES say yes to ANY big opportunity on our true north path, the safer we are.
Safe. Small. And ultimately living someone else’s version of OUR lives.
Interestingly enough, when we unapologetically live our own lives, stay on our true north path, and do the work to fortify our enoughness so completely that we can (and will) accept those next-tier opportunities as they come, the people farther up along that path WANT US. They cannot WAIT to do business with us. The feeling is magnetic.
When, instead, we busy ourselves with being who we THINK those folks might want us to be, they can’t want “us” at all because THAT is a fictional person. When we are trying to be what we think they want us to be, we are creating a non-real version of ourselves, and because THAT person is fictional, there is no magnetic energy there. No attraction. No interest. Even if we’re living a life that is a point-by-point checklist of everything we believe those folks have said they want.
No one is investing in you when you’re scattered, desperate to figure out what “they” want. When you are doing work that organically aligns with your true north vision and recalibrating as needed along the way, you make it look like FUN to be on that path with you.
Journal Time
I want you to take a moment here and breathe. One hand on heart, the other on your gut. Exhale twice as long as your inhale. Really ground yourself and drop into your body. Allow the feelings this work so far has kicked up in you to find a home in your body (they already have a home in your body, you just may not have tuned into that space yet). Let that part of your body that just tensed up or felt a ping of energy know you’re aware of it. Curious about it. Non-judgmental about it. Take another breath. Send some love to your body parts that haven’t gotten much love yet today. Hug yourself. Let whatever emotion may want to bubble up right here do so! Thank it for expressing rather than driving deeper down. Welcome it. It’s a part of what connects you to that true north path KNOWING. That gut-hit we’re looking for to let us know we’re right where we’re meant to be.
Take a moment to journal about your thoughts and feelings so far. What is your true north vision sharing with you? What are your fear thoughts saying? What is your version of “When Oprah calls” and how ready for that are you?
Of course, share anything you’d like in the comments below. But at the very least, journal a bit about this. Really check in with your body and any resistance you can feel it having with this growth.
Polyvagal Theory
I’m not going to go way deep into polyvagal theory because OMG it’s a lot. But I want you to take a look at these graphics, depicting what’s happening in our nervous system as we navigate threat responses. If you have any doubts where we’ve been spending MOST of the past few years, I’ll direct your eyes to the yellow and red zones.
Does your true north vision calm your system, creating enthusiasm and excitement in the GOOD way? And does your *thinking* about how to figure it all out (throwback to our months spent working Your Relationship with Manifestation — it’s not about HOW) shut you down, or worse, key you up in the worst, most frenetic ways?
Your body is already telling you when you’re on your true north path. Get still and LISTEN to it.
If you need to take a moment to give yourself a little compassion, let’s head over to Dr. Kristin Neff’s starting point for that process. (Here are her 8 primary exercises for self-soothing.)
Make a commitment to role model for others what it is to be WITH YOU on your true north path. Stop attracting people who undervalue things that you value, whether that’s your mental health, your boundaries, your position on any of the world’s “isms” today, your goals, or anything else.
Journal a bit now about a support system that is filled with people who celebrate your wins, who treasure your vulnerability, who honor your boundaries, who fortify your enoughness, and who see you at your next tier (and help remind you of your true north when the vision gets hazy for you now and then).
What changes do you need to make to make that part of your vision a reality? How can you treat yourself better to make it clear to all who witness you what your magnetic attraction setpoint is meant to be?
Haters
Not gonna spend a ton of time on this because, OMG, we know all about the population of thirds, of course!
This makes it all super easy and straightforward and there’s not a lot else to say.
But.
There *will* be haters. And the worst part of having haters is that sometimes they use the exact words our inner critic uses.
Ouch.
How do they know?!?
They don’t. They get lucky. There are lots of people we don’t label as haters saying bad things about us that don’t ding us in the least… because they’re not matching up with the fears we have about what makes us not enough. So, because there will be haters and they will use words that match those of our inner critic and THAT intersection will run the risk of throwing us off-course with our true north progression, I give you Robin Sharma’s tips for weathering the haters.
Your True North Manifesto
We’re going to build a manifesto. This is your mission statement. Your values put into a poster. An opportunity to try your skills at Canva (gaaaaahhh! My favorite online space of late) and get your KEYWORDS put into one place.
Here, instructions on this process from Candice Kumai (whose manifesto is one of the ones available for you here to see as a sample).
1. Grab a notebook, a notepad, or your iPhone, open an email — just start: Write about what inspires you. Tomes that keep you going and life lessons. Write about your morals and values and those little things you’ll never back down on. Write about what makes you feel good, short advice you’d give to a friend, lessons you have learned. You’ll both feel and see who you are as a person, what really matters to you.
2. Allow this writing to be the deepest form of self-expression and be honest! This is the place to practice honesty. Be real with yourself. Be real with your intent.
3. When we take time to put our hearts on paper, we take time to connect back to our deepest calling in life — service. Service is our purpose. Make your manifesto about service to others. This will lead you to your life’s greater calling.
Your True North Can (and Will) Change
Something that always fascinates me about creatives is how they struggle to pin down a true north (terrified that the commitment will prevent them from being able to do OTHER things) and then, once they finally DO get that true north vision anchored, they refuse to do the work of recalibrating.
Um… y’all. We are ALWAYS changing. 37 trillion cells in our body, ~60 billion of which regenerate EVERY DAY, making our bodies and minds entirely NEW every 7 to 10 years by all estimations. The new cells only become identical to the ones they replace because of inertia. Which we can interrupt. Change is not *easy* but boy it sure is do-able!
Let your true north vision evolve, just like YOU DO. Let it expand. Let it grow. Let it teach you what it would like to be as you get closer to it! As it gets more into focus, its clarity will astound you!
You’ve got this!
Aligned Hustle Calendar
As always, we’ll go twice through the calendar chronologically. Once for big astro and once for the moon’s shifts and numerology of the days, looking for best GSD (get shit done) energy. Of course, if you’re looking for best chill energy or best romantic energy, or how the astro of the days aligns with YOUR astro/numero settings, you’ll want to join in my Aligned Advantage membership (or at the very least put my free webinar on your calendar).
We kick off December coming out of a full moon/lunar eclipse in Gemini, during which we released things attached to communication and writing and expression and fragmented ideas. December is a 7 month (spiritual tone, introspective focus) in a 4 year (hard work; no shit, 2020) and as big astro goes, we actually start December off pretty quietly (a relief after the chaos of October and November big astro, ammirite).
Mercury shifts into Sagittarius on the 1st, letting our communication and intellect and technology and short-range travel feel a lot LIGHTER. Freer, more fun, more expansive, less critical and suspicious. Phew! On the 14th, we have our second eclipse of the season, with the new moon in Sagittarius. This is a great time to plant seeds for growth, higher learning, travel, and anything that feels expansive! As eclipses make the focus BIGGER as they close and open six-month windows of energy, really get intentional with your seed-planting here. It can be pretty magical for the first half of 2021!
On the 15th, Venus follows Mercury into Sagittarius and that means our love life, how we value things, and how we perceive beauty all get more adventurous, expansive (there’s that word again), and much more straightforward than before. This energy will feel light and yummy and downright FUN, if we lean into it well. Yay!
Now, on the 17th, Saturn moves into Aquarius (again), kicking off a very big shift in energy we’ll be feeling for the rest of our lives. Yup… it’s that big. This shift in energy around our destiny and life’s purpose is an energy we flirted with earlier in 2020, before Saturn retrograded OUT of Aquarius and back into Capricorn for more hard-fucking-lessons. So check late March to the end of June for how your alignment with your life’s work was feeling. That was your preview for where we’ll be with Saturn for the next couple o’ years.
On the bigger scale, look for more activism, social change, uprisings of movements with a LOT more momentum than we’ve ever seen before, and a shift in the power structure we’ve lived in our whole lives. This is going to be a wild few years, y’all. And when you hear the phrase “The Age of Aquarius,” many folks do, in fact, mean this 200-year season we’re about to kick off in which the sun, Jupiter, and Saturn will conjunct only in AIR SIGNS for the next 200 years.
Note: There is also another meaning for “The Age of Aquarius” surrounding the procession of the vernal equinox into Aquarius. There is debate among astrologers as to which set of events is the official AGE, here. Just know it all means way more collective focused, idea (and ideals) focused work and less he-who-owns-all-the-THINGS-wins energy. If you sense rumblings in the patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy, that’s right on target for Aquarius’ more innovative and collective-serving setpoint.
Remember that we’ve had most of the year’s big teachings coming from three outer planets (Pluto, Saturn, and Jupiter) ganging up together in Capricorn. As Saturn exits Capricorn, and ushers in this start of air-sign conjunctions with Jupiter for 200 years (and leaves Pluto behind in Capricorn to do more transformation business for us there), expect a freer, more expressive, more expansive (hey, there’s that word AGAIN) vibe overall.
On the 19th, Jupiter joins Saturn in Aquarius, adding its energy of growth and expansion (okay, this is getting ridiculous) and prosperity to that focus on the collective with a far more inclusive and equitable frame. Thank GAWD!
On the 20th, Mars will square Pluto for the third time in 2020 (the other two times were August 3rd and October 9th, if you’d like to look for patterns). Watch for power struggles, discomfort turned up to full-on pain in the ass, and escalation of stuff that needs to change. Also on the 20th, Mercury moves into Capricorn, making our communication and thought processes more matter-of-fact, practical, and down to business in scope. Just in time for the sun to leave Sagittarius for Capricorn season on the 21st, of course!
The big astro event of the year is the 21st of December, when The Great Conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter in Aquarius marks a new era for the rest of our lives. Optimism in the struggles rather than struggles for the sake of pushing against. BIG changes ahead (with a couple of years still to really get our legs about us for this new Aquarius setpoint; luckily, Aquarius is a FIXED AIR sign, so its groundedness will help with the element change).
On the 29th, we have our full moon in Cancer, which is a nourishing time to release hurt feelings, heal family-rooted wounds, and prune whatever may prevent us from creating a sense of safety and home in our our lives. Doubly so because of that 9 numerological energy. Let that shit GO, y’all. And on the 31st we end 2020 with Uranus (still retrograde) moving back into Taurus, which puts a more innovative and surprising spin on issues of deep comfort and security, big banking, and money issues in general.
Oof! What a month, right? And of course, we’re just getting started! Here we go with another pass of the Aligned Hustle Calendar for December focusing on the numerology of the days and the signs the moon flows through, for best GSD energy.
December 1st would be a decent GSD day with that Gemini moon and the 8 numerologically, but we’re in a void moon pretty much the whole day then shift into the Cancer moon, so it’s not as magical for the task-management stuff as we might like. The 3rd, however, can be very productive especially for home-based tasks! I’m crazy about the 5th with that Leo moon and 3 numerological combo ’til the moon goes void around 2:30pm PST. So, make use of that morning for sure! (Promote yourself; strut your stuff!)
On the 6th after around 12pm PST, lean into that Virgo moon + 4 numerology for some great GSD energy with your to-do list. That same GSD energy will be more playful and fun on the 7th. And on the 8th, look for your collaborative projects — especially involving house and home — to line up pretty well. The 8 numerology of the 10th under that Libra moon ’til around 6pm PST is pure fire for GSD with partners. Late on the 12th, we’ve got yummy Sagittarius moon energy firing up on that 1 numerological day, so there could be some very festive energy helping you start some fun things that night!
I love the 14th for GSD as long as it’s not big-impact stuff, because that void moon takes up a big chunk of the day, meaning it’s not the best day for promoting or drawing attention to things but it’s fabulous for manifesting and bringing higher learning and adventure into your creations. The 15th is another of our earth-sign moons (Capricorn) + 4 numerology which is fabulous for rolling up the sleeves and getting so so so much done without stress. That same Capricorn moon + the 5 of the 16th brings a little more lightness to the work. Yay!
The 17th and 18th are great for talking things out and doing home-based and self-based things related to communication and equality and diversity and innovation. And when we glide into the Pisces moon early on the 19th, we’re not going to be able to do much with that powerful 8 numerology because we’ll be in a fantasy land of dreaminess (and expansion thanks to that Jupiter shift we discussed earlier).
I’m all for the afternoon shift into an Aries moon under Capricorn sun on a 1 numerological day on the 21st but due to all the big astro of the day, I’d not schedule too much ambitious stuff even though normally that combo of Aries + 1 under ANY sun would be pure fire for getting things going. The big astro is just TOO BIG to predict that this day will go like other Aries moon + 1 numerological days.
The 23rd offers a good part of the day under that same Aries moon (before it goes void) with a 3 energy which is amazing for manifesting and getting so much done. Take advantage of this energy!! And if you can do some financial planning and work toward your most decadent self on the 24th, please do so. Have fun on the 25th (you WILL have that second… and third… helping of rich, yummy foods) and focus on what feels good. That Taurus moon really wants it that way.
Late on the 26th, we focus on health and healing and domestic tasks with a little more energy after 3:30pm PST, but the real boost this Gemini moon gives us comes on the 28th when we also have an 8 numerology vibe and that’s some serious POWER y’all. Yes, of course, I have a big webinar scheduled for that day. Why WOULDN’T I take advantage of that magical, powerful energy?!?
I like the energy of the 30th for some well-nurtured, loving, almost protective GSD stuff, especially new projects that need a bit of CARE surrounding them (and, yes, I’m livestreaming that day too). 😉 Finally, as we shift into a Leo moon around 11am PST on the 31st, we get ready to step out into the spotlight, but it has quite an emotional and, again, nurturing vibe to it thanks to that 2 numerology. (And since that Leo moon takes us into a 7 day for the 1st of January, you can see a lovely handoff from the nurturing to the spiritual as we slowly ramp up for the new energy of a 5 year in 2021. MORE FUN!! Yay!)
Phew! If all of this whetted your appetite and you’d like to go deeper with me on exploring the woo calendar, grab my free training What Your Birthday Says About You and join us for Aligned Advantage to take it to the next level. And if this has been all you need, that’s awesome too. I love helping you plan out your life with these tools I learned alongside my mother, the astrologer. 🙂 Hope to see you on the 18th for my free livestream: Unlocking 2021 with The Astrologer’s Daughter!
And of course, I’ll see y’all before that on the 16th for our Expansive Capacity Zoom and every day ’til then here in the comments. Keep expanding, beauteous ones!
All my ninja love,
Wanna join us for our monthly LIVE interactive mastermind meeting? Register here ASAP! This month’s meeting will take place via Zoom on Wednesday, December 16th, at 12pm PST. (Translate to local time here.)
After you register, you will receive an email from Zoom with information on how to connect. You are welcome to go on camera for this mastermind session, or simply unmute yourself to participate live audio-only. Yes, we will be recording the meeting and putting its replay here for you to consume. Hooray!
Please post questions *here* (even though the robot email from Zoom includes an email address for questions). Thank you. 😉
If you’ve never Zoomed before, we recommend you get all set up *before* our meeting. Zoom is free, and there’s info on how to get going here.
Here is the replay of our December 16, 2020 work together. Really wonderful — supersized — convo for our year-end gathering and I am SO inspired by the work you’re willing to do, to get to meet your true north vision, ENERGETICALLY, in the here and now.
Your super supportive chat is here. I so appreciate the love you show for one another, for this work, and FOR YOURSELVES. (And if you’re not as practiced at that last part, don’t stress. We’re building that muscle RIGHT NOW.)
As we wrap up our work on Your Relationship with Your True North, here are some next steps and some questions for you to answer in your journal or below in the comments.
~ Reframe your true north as a FEELING. A STATE. Not a destination. Not a checklist of results, that after you check ’em off you FINALLY get to feel good. No. It’s a place you can visit right now (and you have visited it before; it’s how you anchored some of what that vision experience IS for you).
~ With that in mind, journal a bit on the prompts: “Where in my life am I postponing joy? Where in my life am I deferring feeling good RIGHT NOW?” To take that further, where can you begin to allow (give yourself permission to have) more of the joy, now? Things like the playfulness of an electrostatic kiss. A deeper breath. Putting a Post-It Note over the outlet on the floor. 😉
~ Remember that all the assholes *we* are show up with us not only now, not only at the next tier/true north/end of our lives, but also every minute of the journey. That we can NUMB ourselves to being present with our inner assholes doesn’t mean they don’t exist! What does resisting silence, hating stillness, feeling profoundly alone say about your relationship with your own company? NO JUDGMENT. Just be curious about that and then soften it.
~ As always, track where your emotions are showing up in your body. Really give space to the reactions you feel yourself wanting to have, ask if there’s a pattern you may wish to interrupt, check to see if an emotion may have been trying to get out of your mouth but the sensation got rerouted into a pain sensation. Notice the difference between the emotions that feel “like an elephant on your chest” and the ones that just flow through and move on. Make it safe to sit in stillness and be fully with yourself from a state of appreciation for the miracle that is the communication of this emotion.
~ Can you choose a planetary hour that’s about to shift to lean into what each planet rules? For instance, we were in a Mercury hour during our Zoom. Shifting into a Moon hour means going from being mentally active and expressive, learning and communicating, INTO being more focused on self-care, nurturing, and comfort.
Keep doing good work, beautiful ones. This is not small stuff and it’s a triggering, confronting time. Remember that it’s safe to sit in the stew. You’re reparenting stuff that it is safe to reparent. Your survival is not at stake… your happiness is. 😉 Hug yourself! Know that you are SOOOOOO loved. Always.
Next month’s focus: Your Relationship with Shoulds. This will of course, allow us to look a bit into our desires and shame around truly pursuing those wants in our lives. It’ll allow us to check any guilt settings we may have around our dreams. More splitting of the life path we’re on to be sure we’re living OURS and not someone else’s for us. 🙂 Hooray!
Love love love you soooooo much!
As always, any questions for us, pop ’em in below! The workout you take part in here is all a part of the inner work taking root. Showing up for yourself *and* being here for one another so everyone feels SEEN is so valuable. You all have such beautiful gifts to share with the world and we love supporting you as you align with your True North and make it all happen!
WOOOO am I the first to comment?! Been having a blast playing catch-up with y’all the past few months. Glad to be back this month. So much yumminess here.
My true north: Sitting on a panel and sharing my experience and insight with people just like me when I was starting out. And as I see people like Sophia Chang and Teresa Huang model to me what mentorship looks like, I’m like, “Oh, maybe some of that too!”
As I was writing “not sure what my Oprah call would be,” it popped into my head that it would be getting this call, “They loved the script. They want it, and they want you to showrun.” Do I know how to showrun? No. Will I figure it out? Yes. Am I planting those seeds now? Uh huh.
My favorite polyvagal chart (is it pronounced vay-gul? I keep reading it as vajjjjj-il because teehee) is the bell curve because the green makes me feel nice and grounded.
I don’t know if this is on topic–I think it is–but whatever, I’m feeling inspired, so I’m going to share it anyways. I just shot my first major feature film yesterday (definitely wore my Enough bracelet to set + thought about the Escape because I brought the magic of it with meeeeee, Bon<3). Tiny tiny role but a HUGE win because 1.) it was my first time in Alison Jones' office, and 2.) it's ALISON JONES' OFFICE! I had been doing a deeper dive on feature film CDs for targeting earlier this year, and she was someone I was like, "HAEL YES." So yay alignment and magic for this job.
In prep for this job, I got my freelance writing job covered for T (the day before to relax, sleep early, etc. + also just in case anything came up), W (shoot date), and today/Th (because hey, let me bask in this week for a little longer before I go back to "normal" life). So I'm in bed, reading this month's module on my laptop, I have Maple curled up next to me, Noon at my feet, my journal for when I'm done and inspired to write… and I say to myself… "See. See how I'm relaxing because I booked this job? See how I'm chilling and not stressed about work and being enough?" And I was about to say, "See? If I booked more work, I'd be able to relax and chill all the time because I wouldn't be stressed about not working or booking." But I caught myself… and realized… THAT'S THE POINT. The point is to be living my life LIKE I'm booking and working all the time and not putting off those things… because if I put off those things and DO book the work… I wouldn't know how to do those things ANYWAYS because I'm not practiced enough to do them… so it would just throw my alignment off THEN, AFTER I got what I wanted… And it was an eye-opening moment of experiencing/feeling alignment and fulfillment NOW… Because I didn't have to take today off, but I did. And feeling… OH. I don't have to WAIT for the THING to get the FEELING now. It's some Abe always talks about, which I understood cerebrally and thought got until I felt it in my bones today.
Really feels good.
This right here!!!!
Woman!
So so so inspired by you and the muscle-building you’re doing and OMG how much I love that you built self-care and BASKING time right into this next-tier booking and CONGRATULATIONS, babe!! You are sooooooo enough and I love that the SMFA Escape came with you. Thank you for bringing us and that magical energy with you and again, huge congrats!!
Love your true north vision and I see it too, sooner than you may think! What a wonderful feeling and vibration and everything! YAY!! 🙂
And you can call the polyvagal chart anything that thrills you, babe. 😉 But yes, it’s VAY-gull. The vagus nerve is a biggie and it does some magical things in our bodies and with our nervous systems’ responses to so much. I’m really loving how much work is going into tying the mind-body connection together with stress and emotion and daily activities. I feel so ahead of my time. LOL
Thank you for being the first comment o’ the month! Always good to see you and celebrate working out!
You inspire me!!!
LOVE LOVE LOVE that you got into Allison Jones, she’s the bee’s knees!
CONGRATS on your booking and all of this magic that both went into it and came out of it.
❤️ ❤️
This is SO awesome, Quincy. I could absolutely FEEL it. Thank you for modeling that sense of ease and alignment.
Love, Love, LOVE all of this Q!! This made me smile and tingly all over! I can feel and see you having ALL OF THIS!! Yay girl!
Yes, having all of this! So good Quincy!
“What we don’t want to do is achieve a bit of success and wonder if it’s real, if it “counts,” if it might actually be taking us OFF our true north path… then spin out about what we might need to be doing differently or what this new level of success might mean or what our relationships now require of us in ways we’re not equipped to give… then self-sabotage, sit too long in resistance or overwhelm, backtrack, or revert to last-tier behaviors in an attempt to remind ourselves we’re still our “old selves.””
Ok so, is there such a thing as anticipatory contraction? A bit of pre-emptive shrinking back to last-tier behaviors? Cuz, yeah, that’s happened since I joined Expansive Capacity. I am so nervous that I will fail in this mastermind and I’ll tell you why:
1.) I HATE journaling. It’s one of the reasons I abandoned The Artist’s Way back in the day, all those fucking morning pages. Ugh. (Plus these days I feel like I can’t even WRITE with a pen and paper that long anymore, my hand cramps up and my words are illegible because I do it so infrequently).
2.) I am hip to my own shenanigans, so therefore I fear “performing” and saying all the right things because I am an A student and smart and know many many things *intellectually* (see it took me a few times deleting this because I thought it sounded too arrogant but then I said fuck it, I *am* smart-too smart for my own good sometimes a therapist once told me-ha), then turning around and doing nothing, in reality, to move my needle forward in my career, or in life. This is a big one.
3.) Everything I’ve Ever Let Go Of Has Claw Marks On It. (my theme song in life. Until now. I hope.)
Ok. So, just writing this our has made me feel a little bit better but I am still scared. I thought even though it’s not a question, or my True North Manifesto, that I could share it here. Thanks for being here everyone. Having said all that I really do look forward to stretching my damn wings a bit. And doing the hard thing. Mostly. lol
That paragraph you quoted SLAPPED when I read it. I had to reread it a few times to really understand what it said.
I totally feel you, Kellye, re: anticipatory contraction. I feel this way especially about sending out emails to water my plants. What helped me was realizing that 1.) I had stickiness around “marketing,” so I changed that word to “checking in” (all thanks to you, Bonnie–caught the low vibes I had on this, so I did what we do here and found a better-feeling word) because that’s something I love doing as a homebody Cancer grandma and 2.) I give myself some kind of cap. Ex: 5 minutes or just send 1 email. By breaking it down, it helped me manage my anticipatory contraction of doing the big scary task or thing, and at that point, when my fear sprang up to fight with me, I could shut it down, “Dude, it’s one NICE email I’m sending to check in on them. This person would have to be a DICK to be like FUCK YOU GO AWAY.” And when I didn’t get a FUCK YOU response, I would tell her, “See? No biggie.” I know it’s a super specific example, but hoping it helps shed light on whatever you may be anticipating.
Also, I think you can count THIS as journaling, especially if you’re not used to journaling. Every bit counts. All of it.
When I started journaling, I realized I had blocks about journaling because I thought it had to look/sound a certain way until I realized, journaling’s for ME. It can be whatever it wants to be. Sometimes, it’s stream of consciousness. Sometimes, it’s a list of all the things I have to do. Sometimes, it starts as a summary of my day and then morphes into a story idea, or I start to write and get like 3 words out and fall asleep. And I put stickers on shit because it makes me happy, even though I’m not 5 anymore. And if your hand hurts after one sentence, that’s all good! You did your journal entry for the day!
Ahahahaha Quincy (and Bon prob too) you’re gonna laugh so hard: I also signed up for a 4 week Yoga Nidra Presence course this month which starts Tuesday and I just listened to the welcome video and what the *first* thing she said was a big part of our excavating work around the practice? FUCKING JOURNALING. I laughed out loud as the universe is clearly trying to get through.
Thank you for your thoughtful response to my fears. I like what you’ve been reframing as far as tasks. It helps me to reiterate to myself that this work that *I’ve* signed up for, is for ME. I maybe need to feel stronger in my own instinct and my own methods of tackling things that might have been non-starters in the past. Thanks for chiming in!
Yessssssss to journaling being anything you want it to be. My writing in public places about my process SEEMS like I’m coaching someone else but it’s a form of journaling because it gets me exploring the why behind my what. 🙂 It all counts. Stickers for damn sure. Always!! (You’ve SEEN my Duran Duran set design crate covered with all my college radio stickers, for cryin’ out loud. ALL THE STICKERS!)
Top notch reframing on the marketing and making sure you take it all the way to that moment of showing the scared self, “See! You did it! And you didn’t die!” because that reminder right there is how we retrain the brain. We don’t just live through it and go PHEW! We live through it and then go HAI LOOK! WE LIVED THROUGH IT! And then we do it all again. 🙂
Great work, ladies! Love seeing this convo.
Love it. Love you. And yes, you’ve definitely done some manifesto work with this already. 🙂 And journaling, as Quincy so brilliantly pointed out. Yay!
Also, fuck morning pages. I love The Artist’s Way and I’m all for doing the work, but morning pages never helped me do anything but torture myself for failing at them. I write plenty. I’m self-aware plenty. I don’t have to schedule that shit on a timeline that works for HER braindump.
BTW, we had a moment in couples counseling (which we’ve been in since 2013) where I asked, “When do we stop putting on The Bonnie and Keith Show?” Basically, if you keep performing — even as you’re spending money and time and energy SAYING you’re doing the work — it’s like cheating at solitaire. You can do it, but why? What’s the point?
So, yes to owning the brilliance. Yes, to sharing it here. Yes, to showing up for yourself and doing whatever the work looks like for you today (but doing it, dammit). And yes yes yes to “until now” as a really great way to start change that makes a difference.
100% there is such a thing as anticipatory contraction. Often that’s the style I’ll engage in. Once the thing has happened, I’m FREE and the anxiety is GONE. (Keith is the opposite, BTW. He’ll be fine ’til the good thing [or bad thing] happens and THEN comes the spin-out.) So, the phrase we use on me, to get me to lessen the death grip on the anxiety I want to have before the thing, is, “Let’s be rich and find out” (for example).
Meaning: “I’m worried that if we have a six-figure launch I won’t know everyone in our membership and I’ll have too many people working for me in charge of things I like to have my hands in and I’ll lose control of things that matter to me and people won’t feel the love I want them to feel in the comments because there will be too many for me to ever see and then there will be no excuse for any of our wonky or janky things around here because we have the money to upgrade yet we cling to these things and I’m afraid to upgrade some of that… and… and… and…” and the response is, “Yes. Let’s have a six-figure launch and FIND OUT if any of that is actually what happens.”
“Let’s be rich and find out” if we become a dick when we’re rich.
“Let’s be rich and find out” if we forget our roots when we’re rich.
“Let’s be rich and find out” if we become Republicans when we’re rich.
I laugh my ass off even typing it because it’s so absurd. But that’s what the pre-event contraction is all about in my mind. Infinite what-ifs that I prevent from happening if I stop the growth.
So… I’m committed to stop stopping the growth so we can find out from the POV of having the advantages that COME with being rich or successful or happy or sober or healthier or whatever it is that’s at the end of that sentence at that time. 🙂
Does that help?
We’re so glad you’re here, Kellye!
Does this help? Fuck yes it does. ALL that. Thank you. “Let’s find out.” Your comment content is yet another synchronous experience I’ve had (been really having a ton of them lately). Right before I checked my emails again and saw this response, I was in a Reiki session (investing in me SO much lately-thanks Pandemic UI benefits!) and she asked me what if anything I wanted to focus on, what did I want to integrate and maybe to put it into a mantra for the session, and the immediate thing that sprang to mind was “Ok to play” and it came as a play/variation on this famous film scene that always stuck with me. Remember in the movie “Contact” where Jodie Foster is in the time machine/realm traveling thingie? And she’s finally sort of surrendered to the “launch”, her eyes closed, and she says “Ok to go”, first at regular volume, but then she just squeezes her eyes shut and says it louder and with more passion(fear?) over and over as the inside starts to buckle and shake? “OK to go! OK to go! OK to go!”
That’s what I thought of when I thought “OK to play.” I don’t know why but that’s what it felt like when that simple mantra came to my mind.
OK to play. Maybe I’m SAFE to just PLAY. See what happens. Just like you just said. Amazing. I love it here already. <3
PS: I adore that you worry that we won't feel the love you want us to feel in the comments too. Like, for real. I feel it, and I appreciate it. Now go find out. 🙂
🙂 Yes, ma’am! And yay!
I think “It’s safe to play” is a lovely mantra to try on. 🙂
Kellye, OMG I LOVE “it’s OK to play” (And I often have the “ok to go” Jodi in my head randomly)
Bonnie and Quincy totally got you w all these comments, but something bubbled up when I was reading everything, take it or leave it.
I hate writing by hand. SO NOT a fan. I’ll do it, I accept it, but it never gets better or easier. I’m slow and my handwriting is crap. Also my brain is FAST.
But I type fast. So I have a document that’s just a brain dump document. No goals no nothing. Sometimes I use my book to journal, but often I’ll type it all out.
That’s not to say I’m suggesting it, but I thought w the “ok to play” (or safe to play), what if you played around w what felt good around journaling? (Maybe even pick a better feeling word) Play w some different ways to get your thoughts out of your brain. Talk into a recording app, type, write one sentence, anything else I can’t think of but maybe it sparks something.
You got this! You’re not failing at anything. You’re being deliciously human.
Just remember, we’re not suggesting you write by hand with hopes it “gets better or easier”. It’s because it activates a part of your brain you rarely (if ever) give a chance to be heard otherwise. The slowness actually activates a part of your brain that is more creative and expansive but not very often used because you prefer the typing and the speed that disconnects so much of what writing slowly is MEANT to let free.
🙂
Oh I love that! (My hand is mad at you but I’m not! ) good thing to remind my brain ❤️❤️ Especially bc I’m wrestling w writing right now…to the point where my brain was like “just dont until January” but I think that was my keeping me safe muppet….hard to tell some days (gut vs muppet)
This makes total sense. And I knew that *intellectually*. See what I did there?
Alex I love the “deliciously human” reframe. 🙂
❤️ ❤️
LOL Kellye – ” Everything I’ve Ever Let Go Of Has Claw Marks On It.” I hear that!
Feeling that stretch! Woo!
Hi all!
I have been wanting to write for a WHILE. Keep going away, lurking, coming back. But I’m here now.
The meditation on True North was SUPER emotional for me. Just hysterically crying. And it’s not like I saw the project. I just felt me on set talking character w the director. Someone coming up to me on the street thanking me because as a result of my flawed character she felt seen. fEeling like I had a place in the world and was doing what I do but on a large scale. Acting a deliciously flawed character that made people laugh but also that they connected to on a deep way.
And then. AND THEN, Quincy posted about Oprah. And I did another meditation about my time with Oprah.
O – Now you’re on this show, which I love by the way. It’s funny but it’s also so full of heart and heartache and just…
Me – Being human?
O – Yes! You play this woman who is just a mess. But she tries.
Me – she does try.
O – So you’re an actress. but you wrote this book. I’ve got to tell you this book touched me in so many ways. Tell us a little won’t you?
It goes on an on. The convo between me and Oprah flowed.
Now here’s the thing. I haven’t written the book. I don’t even know the vessel that the story of the book gets delivered in. But Oprah wanted to talk about the book! It’s on her list!
And I’m trying to keep coming back to this feeling amidst the exhaustion that I feel and sometimes the doubt. Not in my Enoughness but in the happening-ness of all of it. I’m not even writing the book write now I’m writing a screenplay! (and way too slowly at that)
Some positives. I’m REALLY focusing on one thing at a time, on taking care of myself (meaning when I am off kilter, when I’m out of whack, uncentered, wanting someone else to fix it, I take a breath and stay in it reminding myself that I can take care of myself, that it’s ok) and I’m really appreciating building that muscle.
This started with a gift of a comment from my therapist that I want to gift to all of you. Bonnie knows this and you all may have sensed it knowing me for the past few months but my “real self” is a very new concept for me. My false selves got created when I was 2-3 for survival which meant my gut, that wonderful inner voice never had a chance to grow. It also meant, though I hide it incredibly well I have had a lot of social anxiety, what others think did I upset them etc etc. So I’ve been watering the authentic self and the gut a LOT the past year or so.
Anyhoo. For those of you who have that concern of what others think, social anxiety, making missteps etc, here’s what she said:
The real self is the self that I can validate, the false self (or selves) can only be validated by others.
Thanks so much for taking the time to “listen” to this ❤️ (also I’m so confused about the woo woo but I think I’m out of gas and will revisit)
Holy fuck Alex but this has me sobbing. Thank you for sharing this. I have recently begun a Yoga Nidra course and have been practicing going inward with that and every time I come out I feel like bursting into tears and usually do, so this particular tear flow may be slightly related to that too (and my nerve endings being on the outside of my skin even MORE than they usually are), but what you’ve shared about “real self” and having to shove it down for survival is me too. I can’t thank you enough for sharing this. I feel less alone, while still being gently reminded by what your therapist said too, that only I can validate my real self.
Thank you thank you thank you.
Oh Kellye! I’m glad you related to it. It is such clarifying work that we get to pause and say “wait a minute, can I take care of me in this moment? Do I love who I am right here right now?”
You, my friend, are very much NOT alone.
Signed,
A fellow nerves on the outside of her skin cries at everything gal
#solidarityinoutsidetears <3
No stress about the woo. 😉 It’ll be there when you’re better rested and long after. No stress.
LOVE this line from your therapist and THANK YOU for sharing it:
That’s just LOVELY. And so true. Thank you. Thank her.
Your true north vision(s) experience(s) remind me of the moment something clicked in me about WRITING being my route, rather than acting (which had ALWAYS been my route, since I was old enough to realize that adults got to choose jobs and do those things for their whole lives). I was in grad school, so back from having been in LA for 13 months in the early ’90s but not yet back in LA in the late ’90s. That in-between time before my Saturn return. Lots of soul searching and wondering what the heck I’m supposed to do if not be an actor.
I had gone up to the mountains to visit my mom and stepdad and it was Oscar night and we watched the awards. It was the year Matt & Ben won for best screenplay, Good Will Hunting. Putting aside allllll the legendary mythology and some truths about who *actually* wrote that screenplay — because of course at this point in time I would’ve heard none of that — I was FULLY going on the journey of seeing these nobody buddies write themselves a story so they could get to act and here they are holding up something gold and shiny and I’m BAWLING.
I journaled that night that for as long as I can remember, I’ve been sure I would be an award-winning actress, famous and happy and working in showbiz… and tonight, for the first time, I’m bawling because I now have a KNOWING, I will be winning that award for best screenplay, not for my acting.
Now, I actually have no talent for writing a script longer than a few pages, but no one would argue that I’m a prolific writer. And of course, I’ve built my empire on my written (and spoken) words. I have clients who’ve won all the awards I ever thought I might have a chance to win. I’ve seen them — and helped them — go way farther than I ever could have. And I LOVE that it’s my written word that has meant so much to so many for so long.
I share this with you in case your Oprah vision is less about a book and more about a FEELING that is as *right* as that feeling I had in my 20s as I watched Matt & Ben thank the Academy.
Whatever it’s about, plant that feeling in your cellular memory and come back to it as you continue to do the true north visualization. Really notice where it is in your body and pay attention when those feelings happen as you move about your life and consider the various opportunities you come across.
Sending you love and hugs, honey. You’re doing such great work.
Holy Toledo, Alex! I was JUST talking about this with my therapist today, and this is before I read your post! I was having an awareness of looking on social media for validation and that was a HUGE clue to step back from it, because it wasn’t helping, it was actually harming my real self. So to come here and read this:
“The real self is the self that I can validate, the false self (or selves) can only be validated by others.”
That is TRIPPING ME OUT!!!
And Alex, I TOTALLY get the false selves you created as a child to protect yourself so you could survive in your environment. I did the same thing as a child, and as I’ve been going through therapy, it has sometimes made me feel schizophrenic to recognize and reference these other parts of myself – especially “the GOOD girl,” the Responsible One, The Mama Bear – because my True North self sometimes gets pushback from these other “selves” that were created out of patterns of behavior that helped me survive my difficult household. So all this work we’re doing with Bonnie is helping me to calm those frantic childhood patterns and let my True North self FLY.
I see you, Alex, and you are flying!
Bonnie, this is BEAUTIFUL and I can TOTALLY see you wining an Oscar for screenwriting. Hell YES woman! You’ve got stories to tell! And who knows? You might just do more acting along the way as well! 🙂 Love you, lady!
Oh Laura! I’m so glad it resonated w you!! ☺️ ❤️
So…I had insomnia the other night. And at 2:30 I checked my email which is when I saw your response, Bon. And I felt in my body: protection, defensiveness, general tightening. Since it was 2:30 in the morning and I had nowhere to go and nothing to do I thought “let’s explore this feeling” (thank you ALL this would NOT have happened a year ago! It would have been hamster wheel about Bonnie and what she “knows” about me and my future and putting her perceived opinions about me first)
I relaxed my body and grabbed my journal. And I haven’t re-read what poured out yet but here’s what I remember. Here’s what came up.
-what if you just wrote? And that was your path, how would that feel?
-nope doesn’t feel totally like my true north
-why?
-it’s lacking the connection for me. The interactive experience. I’m a storyteller yes but I tell it best when there’s that chemical integration between me and someone else, when I can read the energy.
-ok so what does that mean?
-it means my true north is about the stage. There will be other things there but it’s about creating an experience for an audience that I’m a part of. I’m magic on stage like nowhere else. I’m great w big crowds.
I don’t know what else there was but MAN am I proud to have taken a breath and leaned in and felt for ME what’s true right now about ME. WHAT??????
Love you all and can’t wait for today! ❤️
Now that we’ve had the Zoom session, how does that amazing mind-body journaling experience in the wee hours track, re: the true north being a place of alignment rather than a checklist of achievements? I’d love to see where this continues to go for you. 🙂
I think it moves toward the idea of aligning. Aligning w myself and listening for who I really am and what feels right because what feels right feels good.
Also! I had a moment! This evening right around 5 (which is when I start to get antsy and uncentered) I was started to think, what can I eat, what can I watch and I thought AHA! This is a moment! Just me. No one else. Couch. Journal. Pen. And I sat. I sat in the quiet. And I stared at the twinkly lights on my wall. And listened to the water sculpture (yes Bon she FINALLy found one!) and I thought, this is lovely. These lights are lovely, this water sound is lovely. And I can feel the love of someone loving me in this wonderful home that I’ve created. And that was really really nice. I look forward to returning to that space as often as I remember to! ☺️ ❤️
Ooh, that delicious sense-setting you’re doing!!! SO good! And I’m thrilled you’ve gotten a water feature! YAY!!!!!
Next time you’re curious about a pattern (that 5pm antsy/uncentered feeling, for example), remember to check the Planetary Hours site(s) to see if we’ve just shifted into a different planet’s energy. Could be a good time to do some remediation (previous Superpower Sunday).
So proud of you!
Oh what a fun idea Bonnie! My sense is it’s very related to the Sun (I definitely have SAD to varying degrees) but I would love to see what’s happening when I have my intense energy and my lulls.
GREAT JOB w the talk and all that wrangling on Friday! OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
❤️
I gave myself the gift of luxuriating with all this goodness this morning. I had started reading it last night, got halfway, went to bed and had a nightmare, so I woke up disturbed. Journaling it out, my nightmare echoed last month’s message of Being Seen, which once I calmed my amygdala, helped me realize my psyche is working through something.
Thanks for that gift, Bon, to see the good in something that might initially be perceived as “bad.” Working through the old messages of “Be seen / don’t be seen” while focusing on my True North… I should never be amazed, Bonnie, by how masterfully you connect everything, but I always am! 🙂 Thank you also for all the self-care goodies to help make this evolution easier.
I also appreciate you sharing the knowledge that my True North will change, because almost every time I do the meditation, there are definitely differences. Sometimes I’m starring on a Broadway stage, sometimes I’m on TV soundstage hosting my own show, sometimes I’m on a massive soundstage in the director’s chair…. Today I was working with the incredibly cool Mandalorian set with the semi-circular LED walls. Imagination expanded!!!
It makes me think of Day 50, although whenever I do Day 50, I’m always at a beach house. The place is very clear, but sometimes I’m writing a script and sometimes I’m rehearsing my lines, getting easy to drive to set. This resonates with me because some of my favorite actors are also writers and directors.
I really enjoyed writing my manifesto, going off of what inspires me and then leaning into Lessons Learned. When I was a kid, I used to cover the headboard of my bed with messages I still honor like, “Believe in that perfect moment when the dream and the dreamer become one.” And “Follow Your Bliss.” My manifest also includes, “The gut, she knows.” And “Let’s make 10 mistakes today!” Honoring the imperfect, launching at 85%.
I realized I would like to give myself more time to play. Being Oprah-ready means doing a lot of work – updating my website, crafting my projects, getting specific with dates and times and places and projects – AND I realize I have to keep playing because that freedom of expression is what I love. That’s what works for me.
I also really loved the exercise of recognizing the support system I currently have in place – SO thankful – and then building upon that. Exercising my trust muscles.
I’m excited to keep exploring the True North this month to see what else evolves. And WOW about the astrology this month. Good heavens!
Right ON!! 🙂 I love the way you do the work, Laura. You truly do embody the lessons and really let them marinate and blend, month to month. (BTW, this is not at all Aries of you. 😉 I’m really impressed!!)
BTW, the Superpower Sunday this month is about DREAMS. How did you know?!? Your gut, she knew. 😉 She always does. Love love love it. Love YOU!
LOL Bon 🙂 I’ve got to take you up on your Astrology offering to find out what the heck is helping me temper my usual volcanic style, because ya know I’m a triple Aries. I’m guessing it’s because of the Cancerians, Taurans, Caps, Pisceans, and a bestie Libra in my life, so I’ve got SOME sense of balance in my fiery world. 😉
Thank you for all you do! Love you!
You know you’re always welcome into the woo-woo world, Laura. 🙂 When it feels like a fun thing to explore, come on in. I’m excited about all the fun goodies we’re doing over the next few days with The Astrologer’s Daughter!
Not sure why, but I’ve been resistant to opening this month. I finally did. And I have had resistance to the concept of “true north” — not because I didn’t believe it or didn’t think it was important. I just figured I already knew what it was for myself and maybe didn’t need it? Boy, was I mistaken. Going through the visualization was a very powerful experience for me today. I know I don’t often post here so you have to figure this made a huge impression on me. Not only did I see myself/feel myself on the set of a film I was directing, but I knew EXACTLY what film it is, what the story is, I could see the scenes unfold in my mind, I could feel how the audience would respond… everything.
Now I understand that this true north can change and grow as time goes on, and that’s okay. But for now, it is very clear to me what it is and what I need to be doing. Interestingly it’s a project that I’ve had in the back of my mind for a couple of years and made a small move towards at the end of last year and then… I sort of forgot about it. Covid came, everything shut down, I felt like I couldn’t move forward on my career and I focused on other things. But I feel renewed energy now. This won’t be my next project. Or even the one after that, necessarily. But I can see it down the road. And I can see the steps towards it and the types of projects I need to do in the meantime to create the opportunity for *that* one. I can also see the things that I have been spending time on that aren’t going to lead me there. Busy-work. And I’m a little disappointed in myself that I let resistance hold me back from all these realizations. But as has been said about other endeavors — the best time to have started would’ve been (insert some time in the past) — the second best time to start is now. I’m starting now.
LOVE! This! Cheering you on in epic ways, Kathi! THANK YOU for doing the visualization and letting it show you — deep in your core — how TRUE a true north it is for you right now. That is everything! And you watch your relationship with busy work change forEVER now that you’ve visited yourself there. YESSSSSSSS!!!!
Yes, Cheering you on Kathi – love you have the vision for many films ahead!!!
Oh I love this Kathi!! ❤️
Nearly missed registering for today’s call because the last 6 weeks…Expansion/Contraction like whoa.
Started skimming comments (haven’t even read December ‘course’) and am now going to sit with a cup of tea.
I realize that kicking myself for not being active *here* the last 6 weeks is just silly. I’ve been active in other healthy, positive ways in my life – but there’s that part of me that so badly wants to participate & celebrate & grow with others (tribe-mentality, much?) and judge myself for not doing so.
So that part of me and next-tier me are going to enjoy a cup of tea and a little chat about *knowing that we know* where our energy is best spent and confirming that this space is here whenever we need it, but it’s not meant to be an escape from LIVING the growth that it is encouraging.
Cheers!
Ooh, that tribe mentality and the kicking yourself stuff is soooooooo ripe for Your Relationship with Shoulds next month, no?
I’m so glad you gave yourself a break about where and how energy is spent. I talked about this a little bit on the last Get in Gear for the Next Tier Zoom if you care to replay that. Trusting that we’re getting what we’re meant to get, always, rather than looking under every rock and making sure we’ve watched every minute of every vid, read every word of every comment, done all the things… just trusting we’re aligned to receive what we’re meant to, whenever, wherever. Ah… that’s some good stuff right there. XO
True North – I love those words. I’ve been discouraged and thinking I’ve done what I’ve done – that’s it. But since moving back into this universe I’m interested in creating again.
I had a surprising work vision but then it was dependent on a relationship with someone else – I thought well it’s dead but then a new better vision that just depends on me and what I can do came. I feel so much better about that. It recalls: The real self I can validate the false self can only be validated by others!!!!
The romance I thought would be good will now be a friendship. Bonnie you pointed out in your comments on his chart. He has all good stuff but it just isn’t the best for me I like to get in too deep and it would hurt. It did hurt so now he’s a man buddy where we will enjoy a mutual friendship neighborliness. It’s okay.
I’m behind on this month I need to spend more time with the charts and calendars I don’t go deep enough. I’ll do better. Love reading everyone’s comments/
I’m so glad you’re in a good place with the man we charted up for you, Judy. That feels good. And leaves you open for a better fit with someone else, romantically.
I’d love for you to allow yourself to go as deeply as you feel called, with this work, rather than feeling “behind” with any of it. This material isn’t going away. You needn’t rush to finish it on a timeline. 🙂 I know you know that, but it felt important as a reminder.
Yes Bonnie I deal with shoulds so insightful of you to address those for me next month. I have a should engine in me that perhaps with a change in how I talk with it I can turn it into a valuable tool.
Yes no pressure take as it comes I do love that your writings are always there. The volume is comforting and overwhelming your mind attracts me so much. ❤️❤️❤️
April, not sure if you’ll see this, but you mentioned in the chat (and I missed it during the live Zoom) that you were curious whether we can have our Saturn return (specifically you meant our SECOND Saturn return vs. the FIRST one that most famously upsets our trajectory in many crazy and beautiful ways) “early.”
More likely, you’re feeling your Chiron return. Chiron is something I’m digging in on in 2021 (along with the lunar nodes), so what I know now is that *I* am having my Chiron return and I just turned 50 this year. The peak of my Chiron return is next year and again in 2022 thanks to retrogrades moving it into profection a total of THREE times (OMG, we are gonna be SO sure I get those karmic wounds healed, y’all).
But the combo of Saturn return + lunar nodes around age 27, 28, 29 is the first of this sort of upheaval we feel. When we’re 50+ we’re probably not feeling the effects of another Saturn return ’til closer to age 56 and up through age 59. 🙂
I plan on doing a special Zoom on Chiron as a part of Aligned Advantage in 2021. Be sure to look out for that (and I’ll probably do a wee Woo-Woo Wednesday here in Expansive Capacity on Chiron as I learn more in the coming months). Yay!
Just looked at the cosmic calendar to look for clues on why I may be feeling the way I am today. Big shifts it says for today, and I’m feelin it, but hopefully I can move towards the softer things in Aquarius. Woke up at like 5am this morning feeling a huge sense of dread for my agent panel tonight at One on One. Worrying first, “ack what if they look me up and see that I already have an agent (I’m repped/signed commercially but freelancing theatrically so I know I can continue to look for legit, signed, hell yes rep) and think I’m a piece of crap for looking?” Then just the Groundhog Day of it all has built up over the course of all these Zoom pandemic One on One, Actor’s Connection fucking CD workshops, classes ad nauseum. Like, the feeling is SO heavy, SO sick of it all, SO “going through the motions” that I just cried and cried for hours. I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna dance like a monkey for 4 more people that will probably forget me less than an hour later, even though one of them is from my hell yes agency and I’ve seen her 3 times before, and I know she will remember me. I’m tenacious if nothing else, but I feel almost angry at having to do the tap dance and “tell me a little bit about yourself” inevitability, ugh ugh ugh. Tell you a little bit about myself and my career highlights? Ok: I’ve been sitting on my ass eating potato chips and mini snickers on my couch and sobbing intermittently, like EVERYONE ELSE RIGHT NOW. My last career highlight of note that you would even care about is from 20+ years ago! so….Damn, I feel so angry at having to “pitch myself” yet AGAIN. FUCK YOU if you don’t want me, that’s what I *want* to say. I know that “what is meant for me will never miss me and what misses me was never meant for me”, but I am feeling angry and tired and low. I almost wanna say fuck it. But I PAID like over $100 for the privilege so I’m sucking it up but I need to find a way to shift this energy of where I’m coming from or tonight will be wasted and it WILL be my fault at that point, if I don’t get right with my true north, my enoughness, and just…someplace else for my heart to land before I do this in 3 hours. I AM talented, I AM worthy of rep that believes in me. I AM. I know this, and have heard it from very reputable, working casting folks, on both coasts. I KNOW this. But that little voice. . . “WHY don’t they want me?”
I am SO looking forward getting out of the Cap stack and into some smoother, kinder waters for a bit. Because as all good Virgos do, I’m critical but I also turn my sharp barbs into my own belly and pretty strongly with my Aries rising and Leo moon. I’m so grateful for this mastermind group, and I feel so privileged to be here with you all. You all really do inspire me and I just thank you for allowing me to get this out of my body and heart and gut. And of course, any thought shift tweaks are welcome. Love to all. <3
I’m gonna put this out there just like I did with your bio and how you were dancing around how you REALLY feel about Monica Lewinsky and you remember the before and after of that reworking, right?
What if, when they say, “So tell me about yourself,” you say, “Hmm. You really wanna know? Because I’ll tell you. I can do the song-and-dance-of-the-working-actor-good-girl version if you’d like, but frankly I’m sick of that lie and 2020 has taught me to stop choking down shit I’m sick of. So, honestly, I’ve been sitting on my ass eating potato chips and mini Snickers on my couch and sobbing intermittently, like EVERYONE ELSE RIGHT NOW. And really, that’s all you need to know to GET ME today.”
What if?
Just putting it out there.
BTW, I *hate* the idea of making ourselves do something because we paid money for it. Hate. Like, we make ourselves sick to show up for a thing we spent $100 on rather than saying, “I’m turning that $100 into a whole different kind of investment. It’s now an investment in my self-care. I spent $100 to wall off this time from anything else tonight and I’m gonna really take care of myself during this window of time when I have NOTHING ELSE SCHEDULED because I’m sure as shit not gonna torture myself over a thing I’m no longer aligned to show up for. Because NO good comes of THAT bullshit.”
Hmm… this seems quite aligned for next month’s Your Relationship with Shoulds, wouldn’t you say?
Ahhhh Bon, you are so good to me/us. I saw this just in time! And holy shit but do I wanna say what you laid out. I think I am continuing to learn just how much of my authentic self I can show, and what crosses the line into unprofessionalism. It’s really hard as a mostly lifelong waitress who never really had a “real job” in her life on what is acceptable “work talk” and what is not too, much less what’s really going on in my heart and mind these days, as it must be for so many in this pandemic “improve yourself at all costs” time right now. My work of waitin tables is also HELLA casual and it’s what I’m used to so I think I maybe go too far in the other direction because now I worry have to be “professional” and stuff, or that’s what my nervous do-it-right-don’t-screw-this-up brain tells me. I am going to lean into authenticity tonight. I am going to trust. That it will be enough and if it’s not? Imma care less, as Keith would say. 🙂
Thanks for responding to me so quickly Bon, I wasn’t expecting it and it really put a smile on my face. 🙂
I had to come back to say: I did it, I incorporated almost all of the above (!!) and they laughed and smiled. I was genuine as hell. (and Jenna Winnett, Of Boals, Winnett and Assoc., my Hell Yes rep) was smiling and laughing and writing furiously as I was speaking. She seemed happy to see me again. All I know is I feel GOOD about what I just did. I am SO grateful for this space. I feel more and more like myself every fucking day when I hang out in the Dojo/Expansive Capacity/Aligned Advantage–which I talked about btw! The astrology deep dive!). Thank you Bon, and thank you all. <3
Yay! Celebrating you and all your enoughness! 🙂 THAT is what feels good. So keep leaning into that, babe. It’s everything. Love you.
I love YOU! ❤️❤️
Woo-to-the-Hoo!
❤️❤️
YEAH! So good to read that you stayed true to yourself! This just put a smile on my face, Kellye. <3
❤️❤️❤️
A friend posted this today, and I’m like, “Ok Universe, I hear ya.” 🙂
“Taste the love in your true self.” – Ram Dass
https://www.instagram.com/p/CI6srv6nXWf5m4UXY6hX78iEqi6wZjt6DYfB_o0/
Laura I love that!
Here’s what the Universe gifted me yesterday:
Don’t believe everything you think.
☺️
❤️
Hee hee!
Oh shoot it’s a private post. Here’s the message:
“You’ve lived your life with negative messages of yourself, from childhood on, and you’ve built upon those images, and built upon them, and they became very heavy weights. These thoughts about you are a part of your ego, and they’ve manifested through your roles as child or husband, wife, breadwinner, all of those roles. They’re built upon the thoughts of ‘I’m not truthful’ or ‘I’m not likable’ or ‘I’m not good’ – all of those negative images.
Once you identify with your soul, you start to taste the love in your true self, in your spiritual heart, and it’s different than all the loves you’ve ever had. It’s just different – it’s unconditional love.” – Ram Dass.
BEAUTIFUL!!!!
I’m going to slither in here quietly after being away for a while. I felt called to show up today and wow…this is really painful.
The thing is, my true north crystallized a few months into the pandemic. I know in my blood and my bones exactly how I want to show up as an actor and as an artist, exactly which stories light me up and which tales I KNOW I’m meant to tell.
It’s getting harder to keep my chin up when the world has been on fire. Like, I am finding great resisting energy in me because there isn’t much more I can do than dream and surrender…and goodness knows that doesn’t always feel good.
Who the f knows what everything will look like come 2022? All I know is that nothing scares me more right now than the thought of being ripped from my true north for good. So that in and of itself probably is a sign that I sure as hell won’t be. It is too clear and far too dear for me to self sabotage now.
But it’s hard to keep hopeful when so much big capital T trauma is affecting everyone right now, you know? I’m not sure where to turn. I’m not sure what to do. Feeling quite lost these days.
I just wanted to say I hear you loud and clear Sheila. I am also feeling this way. It’s hard to not to self sabotage for me too. It’s hard not to feel like whatever we try and do is futile right now. So much is unknown. I find that if I allow myself to feel this way, as crappy and as “unproductive” as it may feel I feel like I’m banking up love and care for myself. There is SO much trauma happening all around and acknowledging how that is affecting us HAS to help doesn’t it? For me, it does.
When I’m not sure what to do, something I’ve really let sink in from the wise folks here is to stop, breathe, and know that it’s 100% ok not to know. Then I give myself a hug, like Bon always says. I put my hand on my heart and say “I’m here, and I’m listening.” And then I listen. Sometimes just that is enough to shift my head/heart space. Anyway, I saw your comment and I don’t know if any of this is helpful but I wanted you to know that you are most definitely not alone in how you’re feeling right now. Hugs. ❤️
Thank you for this, I really needed that hug 🙂
Step one is showing up, which you’ve done. Good. Do more of that. The muscle for feeling more hopeful even in the face of more T-trauma gets stronger when we show up to connect with our support systems, connect with ourselves fully (brilliant tips from Kellye — thank you, Kellye for sharing what works for you), and connect with our SOUL because it always knows the big-picture version of this whole production.
Step two is to ask why it is that you can be “ripped from your true north for good”. That’s such fascinating wording and I’d love for you to explore what it is that feels as though YOU can be ripped FROM your true north. It’s your vision. You created it. You continue to refine it as you recalibrate it and live into parts of it and get clarity for what you’d like it to look like each time you do the visualization. How could you be ripped from something you built in your own heart and mind and spirit?
Step three is remembering that it’s a Pisces moon right now, sugar. That’s when we feel allllllll the emotions and it’s tough to imagine a way out from these feelings. Look to the calendar for the next shift in the moon and make a date with yourself to revisit these emotions from a better-rooted place.
Step four is to know you don’t have to keep your chin up. You can feel blue. You can even spin all the way out sometimes should you need to. We’re all human and this is all stuff we’re all feeling and no one is required to be the official face of hope for anyone else. Allow the emotions rather than fearing them or pushing against them or worrying that they’ll never stop. Emotions always ebb and flow; it’s their nature. 🙂
Step five is to come back. 🙂 Please? Keep having this convo and lean in for the support you have here. We’ve got you, babe. You are not alone. Not now, not before, not ever. {{{hugs}}}
And yes, again to what Kellye said, hug yourself!! It helps!
Aww thank you, Bon! I missed it here. I found SUCH a resistance to any self work this year, as if the pandemic somehow justified any prior paranoia, and I’m done with that. That hasn’t been fun or healthy. It feels good to be back.
And thank you for this feedback. You’re right, my true north can’t be ripped away, so it’s interesting that that’s my baseline fear right now. I suppose with all of the large-scale death everywhere right now, my brain absorbed a standard mortal fear and…applied it to my dream? I’m going to sit with that and do some deep-diving into healing that trauma.
Beautiful. And yes, that makes sense, that the trauma of the WORLD right now would absolutely make a part of your soul that is YOURS forever and ever feel more vulnerable and temporary. That’s a totally normal trauma response for all we’re facing. I continue to send you so many hugs and so much love. I’m glad you’re here.
Question: is there something that would be helpful to focus on for Monday the 21st, The Great Conjunction, or just know that it’s there and things may possibly get WONKY?
I love to do my calling in and releasing for new moon and full moon and didn’t know if there was something similar here…
❤️
I will actually be attending a couple of online events around The Great Conjunction. 🙂 It’s a big deal as we usher in 200 years of the Jupiter/Saturn conjunctions (every 20 years) in only Air signs. BIG shift of energy! Woo HOO!
Here’s one that is open to all, from The Astrology Hub:
It’s webinar style, so you won’t be on camera. The Air sign shift for these planets (Saturn = destiny, lessons, the dad planet; Jupiter = luck, abundance, expansion, prosperity) means a focus on ideas and thoughts and things we can create with our minds is a great idea. Because it’s happening in Aquarius, the focus should also be on things like community and the collective and innovation and ideals and ways in which we are connected in fully represented ways (vs. patriarchal skew).
I’m attending a guided meditation in one membership program, here in a few hours (3am PST; the host is in Ireland).
There’s also a livestream of the event starting at 4pm PST here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrRcfaWutLQ. I’d watch the chat there for people doing ceremony-like things.
Because it’s also the Winter Solstice, it’s a lovely time to set intentions for the year ahead, light a candle for a wish-hope-desire, and of course journal it all up (IN YOUR HANDWRITING, ALEX!!! I know you love that). 😉
I’m glad you’re looking to do this! 🙂 Excited!!
I am totally also wanting to honor this so I will be going out to the park across the street to try and see it with my own eyes if I can. Then I’m going to come home and light my Gaia Mother Earth candle on my new AWESOME witchy alter, light some sage and set some intentions through the eyes of Aquarius as you suggest. Thanks for all these portals to celebrating this!
(And since Alex and I LOVE journaling SO much maybe we’ll do that too). 😉
Hahaha Kellye! I THINK I saw it but I definitely saw Mars which was gorgeous. Going to try to sit in the quiet before doing my voice over work. ❤️ ☺️
Perfect! And ha ha!!
Hahaha! I’ve been pretty good about the “handwriting” thing since you talked about slowing down. So that’s growth! Bummed to have missed the 10am but will try to do some wish-hope-desire and intention setting.
Thank you!!!! ❤️
Loved re-visiting the “not my third” video. I did a workshop recently to have an opportunity to meet a manager. The second the person started speaking, I was immediately turned off — they seemed like they would be an incredible manager to have as they seemed to work hard for their clients, but I couldn’t get past the ego. I think I’m the only one from the group that didn’t follow up with this manager with my information, but I don’t even think I’d feel comfortable if this person were my manager. Watching the video above made me feel a whole lot better about the fact that somewhere in my gut I was not this person’s fan and I imagine they were probably not mine. I no longer feel guilty for not following through. I didn’t want to waste this person’s time when I wasn’t feeling it. “Not my third” is such a good reminder and took 2/3 of the world off my shoulders. Lol!
April I feel like maybe we were in the exact same class because I felt the same about a particular manager (also after checking out his Instagram) after a manager panel I attended recently. Also, I have trouble in general with these (maybe) because I’m an Obliger and I follow directions really well. So when they say, “no need to follow up immediately after this class as I’ve obviously just seen your work” I then follow those directions. And don’t. I wonder if I’m too much of a good girl in that way and miss out on opportunities like maybe it’s just standard operating procedure to send your links to your reel/website but if they wanted to see that then they would, after they see our work whether we email them or not right? But, I’ve lived enough of my life to feel like just believing someone when they say what they say but on the other hand I feel like sometimes the “rules/best practices” in this business are lost on me for that reason.
Off topic a bit I guess, but you’re so right also about the population of thirds and the most important lesson I took from it is that IT GOES BOTH WAYS. Took a long time for me to realize that it was ok if I didn’t vibe with a certain *fantastic agent* or *famous manager*. This group of people and the GIG 100 Days has made me realize that I don’t have be a beggar anymore. I have waaaaay more worth than that. So grateful. Anyway, I get you. ❤️
Hey, I’m an Obliger too! And I discovered that when I don’t do enough self-care or creating boundaries that I start acting like a Rebel. I’m working on that for sure. Awareness is the first step.
Yes! “Obliger rebellion” is a very real thing! For upholders, there’s something called “tightening.” We absolutely will push against our own tendency if we’re in enough of a bind from it.
I also liked revisiting True North. I always thought that the vision I had needed to come to fruition and that I was “stuck” with my vision. However, anchoring the FEELING that the vision of my True North gives me makes way more sense for me. And I can definitely use it in my decision-making along my journey. In fact, holding onto that feeling seems like it would bring that True North to me faster — especially now that I’m not attached to the exact “look” of it.
As December draws to a close, I realize my true north has been calling to me and I have been ignoring it with the assumption that it is impossible. That changes today, friends! I’m going to dive on in and explore the aspect of my true north that feels deliciously taboo. Yahoo!!!
So, one of the Abraham-Hicks constructs I return to again and again is that if your desires don’t match your beliefs, you’ll never get what you want. So, you can either shift your desires DOWN to match your beliefs (continue playing small) or elevate your beliefs to the level of your desires.
The reason you hear me regularly talking about sitting between the oak trees talking to Oprah on her Santa Barbara ranch is because I am ACTIVELY weaving in details that I can see, smell, feel, hear, really live in the SENSES of. That is me activating my beliefs and reminding them of a desire that we need to tether well. 🙂
I’m excited to learn how you shift your relationship with your true north, Sheila. You are such a lighthouse and have so much to give to the world. It’s going to be glorious to behold you stepping more fully into the spotlight.