Sometimes we want something really really really hard and… don’t get it.
Because we’ve got important work to do, here. And that means we can only stay really bummed out for a short period of time.
Yes, give yourself the “bummedness” for sure! Honor that it feels like shit to not get something we really really really wanted. Of course! But when it’s time to move on from that, this is how to start.
You’ve got this!
Beautiful. Thank you. <3
You’re welcome! XO
I am grateful for the beach. But seriously, every time I make a trip to one of the gorgeous beaches here, I feel calm, centered, and happy. I think that time needs to be added to my #BigOl5.
But you’re totally right. Its all a matter of choice. I was at a book festival over in Santa Monica a few months ago, and I had gone alone. I ended up getting there later than I wanted, and the line to get in was longer than expected, and was bummed when I wasn’t able to get in line early enough for some ARCs (advanced reader copies for anyone who doesn’t know) that I was really hoping to snag. I ended up in an absolutely terrible mood, one partially attributed to lack of food, but mostly because I was getting frustrated because I was getting the things I was hoping to get.
So I sat down, and started to think to myself, “why are you getting THIS upset? You need to get over it and enjoy the day, there is still so much to do.” but just thinking it wasn’t enough. So I grabbed my phone, opened up my notes app, and started typing up an analysis of why I was feeling what I was (thank you for the day about analyzing our feelings from the GIGFNT course!), and what my two options were. Which was of course, to stay and change my attitude and enjoy being around book loving individuals, or to go home, grab some food, and relax.
Typing it out helped me calm own, refocus, and get over my mood pretty quickly, and allow me to shift my mentality from a negative one to a positive outlook. All in all, I ended up having a pretty awesome day, and getting some ARCs or free copies of other books too. Gotta love free swag!
Love how you worked that out! Didn’t it feel awesome to have the OPTION to not be reactive but instead contemplative and then purposeful? Damn, dispassionate labeling is a thing of beauty! Great work and such a wonderful example of how this all goes down! Thanks, Alexandra!
Oh god, Bon. I needed this today. I used to be very guilty of tying my happiness to people or outcomes and it would take me months-years to appreciate the lessons learned and find my bliss again. Through this program I’ve gotten a lot better about this and have found so much joy in life outside of those things. I am happier than I’ve ever been, but some days I revert back to that and obsess over something, or someone, that didn’t work out. Thank you for this reminder. It was very needed today!
It’s been needed for ME too, sweets. Didn’t know when I recorded it how much I would need it just a wee bit later. Ain’t life great like that? <3 So glad we have this space to share!
OMG I REALLY needed this today. Thank you, Bon. I listened to this twice, and I’m sure I’ll be back 🙂
I know this is a new muscle, “building the bridge,” as you said, “to be in the world at the next tier.” And being able to RECEIVE. “Define what success looks and feels like for you: right here, right now.”
Thank you!
*smooch*
Coming back to this, I was in 3 callbacks for a big name-brand commercial. The group kept getting smaller and smaller, and people I’ve SEEN in commercials were getting cut, but they kept me. I was asked to “hold the date,” for a week, but I was just released. I’d usually be devastated, but I’m not. I feel a little “off” but I also feel like I’m navigating my way to Next Tier Me. Like I’m stepping into a life of success. I don’t know if I can explain it, because it feels… different. It’s not what I’d usually do, or how I’d usually feel, and THAT is encouraging!
My logical brain is was worried, because… did I really want it? I didn’t seem to care too much. But I just wanted to have fun. And, yes, I would’ve like to have booked it! But I feel ok. I want to focus on what FEELS good and what success looks like to me.
It truly is a reset.
And I feel like something remarkable is happening. I’m working on too many projects to feel down about anything. I see it all as a Win Win anyway because I got to know the CD, and we had a good time in the auditions, so I’m gonna put that in my Show Bible!
Thank you so much for speaking about this, Bonnie. Thank you for the Dojo, the Days, because there are WAY more than 100! Thank you for EVERYTHING!
I’m resetting, coming up with new dreams and new goals, and I’m going to work that muscle for RECEIVING them! YES!
How wonderful! So excited for you!
You booked that room, babe! You absolutely booked the room and I know you will be back in there soon. You made quite the impression. You are on your way to NTL and it is so cool to witness you grow and kick ass!
I really enjoyed listening to this and it was spot on. And it is NO fun to feel like shit when we don’t get the thing that we wanted SO BADLY. I’m guilty of associating feeling good with booking a specific job, place or person. And then when I don’t get it or it doesn’t turn out the way I would like I get disappointed. I will say that I have gotten better at this and I think that is due to the wonderful work we did in GIGNT. This will probably be an ongoing journey for me but I look forward to it. Thank you for sharing this!
It really is an ongoing journey, Aerial. I find myself needing so many tools long after I’m sure I’ve “gotten” the lesson. :\ That’s the creative life, isn’t it? So glad you’re enjoying the vault goodness!
Bonnie, thank you for this one! I am so glad I dug through the vault today. I’m dealing with a big shift and a lot of not-so-great personal surprises thrown my way the past couple weeks. I haven’t been in the vault much but after what I discovered today I am so happy to have it. I am playing the positive vibrations music in the background, focusing on self-care, and overall reconnecting with all the mindset tools I learned during the 100 days. The tools are helping me with things happening outside of my creative career. Even if I’m still in the thick of a period of grief and angst, I am so grateful and open to whatever the universe is trying to make room for down the road.
This is beautiful, Karen: “I am so grateful and open to whatever the universe is trying to make room for down the road.”
It feels like there’s a lot of transition going on, and I hear ya on focusing on the self-care, lady. Lotsa love!
{{{hugs}}} Thank you, Karen. This feedback means a lot. We really do want you leaning in on all these resources so you can create a life in which you sustain as much of the positive momentum as possible — knowing there are always going to be those dips and challenges along the way. Thank you for exploring and for committing to continue to do so. You’ll be so glad you have more support for whatever you encounter!
I realized two days ago that somehow over the last few weeks-months, I had started being REALLY mean to myself again. I had gotten a lot better about this over the past year, but I’ve had lots of auditions and not been booking and it got to a point where when I got an audition, my reaction has been oh shit, instead of oh yay! So when I realized this on Monday, I decided to pause for a bit, step back, and focus on my mindset again. I had let some of my non-negotiables on mental self-care slip because I was doing so well, and this was a good reminder to pick them up again. PArt of that was coming into the dojo, pretty much for the first time since finishing GIG earlier this year.
This was really helpful. I got some callbacks and I am on avail, so those are definitely big steps forward, and then I got so focused on the outcome that I was really bummed when they fell through. But I like the perspective of appreciating them as steps forward, and am also just trying to remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Finally, when I realized how negative I’ve been being to myself, I knew I had to focus on that first and foremost. I did book some small things IN SPITE of my mindset, but I know that if I get back to loving myself and celebrating the things I have control over, first of all, I won’t be as affected by the downs when they happen, but secondly, I do believe the other stuff will come when the time is right. I’ve heard it from so many places that your mindset and energy are what CDs pick up more than anything else, so it’s obvious to me that putting in that work on my mental health, while primarily important for me in life, will have the side-effect of improving my work in this business, and help me get back to finding the joy in it. Because that is definitely why I went into it to begin with!
Yes! Post it on a Post-It Note if you need to! JOY FIRST. So important, so valuable, and with so many lovely ripple effects! 🙂 Glad you’re coming back around to your non-negotiables on this!
This gem in the vault is SO helpful. Keeping coming back 🙂
So glad! I worry that the vault goodies get lonely. 😉