If you’ve dealt with resistance and wondered whether or not it’s conquerable, this excerpt from one of our weekly SMFA Master Class calls is for you!
Sometimes fear is so irrational. Hell… maybe always… but it’s something that can be uprooted when we meet it with enough logic, rationale, tools, support, and understanding of why it worked its way in place to begin with.
Here’s the article I mentioned on the call, if you want to see how it shook out.
What does this convo bring up in you about battling resistance? Share below and let’s jam!
This SMFA Master Class weekly call was recorded on June 17, 2012.
Woohoo! Yeah, Content Creation and creating a team are where my blocks are right now, too. I’m actually someone who takes a long time to make most decisions, unlike the caller, but I think the hyphe shift being a big Resistance-maker for a lot of people makes a lot of sense. Love this discussion! It’s amazing how much pain and sadness resistance taps into when we recognize it’s there (fear!). GET OUT OF THE DAMN WAY, RESISTANCE!
It really is like the boogie man under the bed, isn’t it? Once we get up, shine a damn light under there, and SEE there’s nothing there, we can get on with the business at hand! 🙂 Glad you liked this one. Me too!
Holy. Shit snacks.
This is EXACTLY where I’m at! And I didn’t even realize it! I have felt like I’ve been treading water since I finished my 100 days, like I’m not exactly sure what steps or what I need to do… But then I just realized that I *do* know what I need to do. I need to edit my footage into reel material. I need to keep doing my targeting research (which I had been slacking on lately), so I can find my hell yes agent. I need to find an additional thrival job/source of income, so I need to finish my damn Starbucks and Apple applications.
And I didn’t realize that not only have those things been stewing there, just waiting for me to acknowledge those things, but the resistance is coming from exactly what everyone was saying in this MP3. I know what I need to do now, but not knowing what to do after, or what comes next when I edit and upload my reel material to LA Casting and Actors Access…. well. I’ll just have to deal with that when the time comes. Especially since I have start writing short stories, which I want to then translate into screenplays, and eventually get in on some content creation.
Holy moly, I feel freer typing all that and having this realization. So so glad I decided to go down the mindset path rather than money today. ❤️ ❤️
Good job, babe! And now you have an actionable LIST o’ things that felt so much bigger and less do-able when they were all running around in your brain. Proud of you! 🙂
OMG Alexandra, I was feeling EXACTLY the same way! The 100 Days was such a great regimen, and when it was done, I felt a little flounder-y and resisted (HA) restarting it because I wanted to focus on particular facets of the program (like days I didn’t fully dive into) and get to work on my own content creation. Yet, I’m idling, a little bit. Granted, I’ve been busy with gigs/auditions/classes, so I’ve been doing my homework there… but i don’t want to miss out on fulfilling my SMFA goals.
I think I’ve got to set myself a daily schedule as Bonnie recommends. REALLY schedule my goals and the steps needed to fulfill them. And like Keith said, “Until this gets done, you’re in a place of static-osity.” And that kind of feels where I’m at. Even in the midst of prepping for auditions (theatre and film), there’s my own personal content creation project which is indeed static.
I loved the MP3. It was a great mix of forward momentum with “what could happen next.”
This is Laura.
Yay! That makes me happy, Laura. Definitely, after those 100 days, it’s all about getting the practices into daily reality with scheduling them and consistently showing up for them. You can make this happen! Just get it all on the books, babe! That’ll help with the free-fall feeling, fo sho!
I completely understand that feeling!! I have my balanced app telling me to check in to the vault every 3 days, but I’m learning that’s not enough support. It’s not enough practice. So I’m going to bump it up to either 4 or 5 days a week. 3 days is not allowing me to really dig in and feel the support that the daily work provided.
You can do it!! Building the habit is the hardest part. You’ve got this!
Totally get it. As I mentioned about the 90-day course I keep renewing (and man I *wish* theirs were $30/mo. vs. the full course fee again every time), there’s something about that showing up for it more than just a couple times a week that makes a big difference — one I can FEEL when I slip below that every-other-day thing. Perhaps this bumping up your number again combined with the support of the Facebook group will get you back to that feeling that gives you the best structure for NTA to do her magic! XO
Thank you Alexandra for leading me to this MP3! I sooo needed to hear it. Since finishing the 100 days I’ve been furiously writing cover letters, submitting to agents, then finding new reps to target, then tweaking the cover letters, then stressing over why none have contacted me back, and then endlessly talking to family/friends about why I won’t lower my standards and go for a random agent who doesn’t have actors booking where I want to be. Not to mention it’s busy season for my support job so I’ve been working doubles galore!
I continued to let this all take down my enough-ness that I cultivated. I think I stuck to this (and I’m embarrassed to admit it because deep down I don’t subscribe to this train of thought) because it’s easier to hope that a hell yes agent will want you immediately, take care of all your headshot, footage, credit needs and get you where you want to go. It’s a lot harder to admit that while you are totally enough, some of your materials don’t reflect just how awesome you are and can be.
SO amidst this resistance, I’ve ignored and pushed aside the real work. I need to finish editing my AWESOME short that I filmed last month. I need to contact the production company that I shot the industrial with to see if I can get some footage. I need to set up a new headshot session because I don’t think these are next tier Lydia worthy. It’s scary because it means a lot of work that has no clear end in sight, like checking off agencies off a list, but I truly believe it will put me in a better mindspace. ‘Cause Next-tier-Lydia don’t have time to continue stressing over this
God yes. If you could bill for the stressed-out-and-emotional time you’ve put in on this, you would see it’s not worth the fee (vs. the “cost” of getting those tools up to NTL standards). A simple analogy that may make this so obvious is me and my having lost all this weight recently… but in most situations still wearing clothes from my “old body.” I have a next-tier bod but keep it cloaked in clothes that don’t flatter it or show of its new shape, of which I’m ridiculously proud… so what message am I sending about my “I am enoughness” in this area due to the fact that I sooooooooo hate shopping?
That’s crazy! But it’s exactly the same as you focusing on agent-getting when the tools need an upgrade in order to SHOW the agents your level. They can’t know about your cute figure if you keep mailing them photos of you in a tent!! Right?
Hey Lyds,
When I read this, “…I continued to let this all take down my enough-ness that I cultivated…”
I thought of something asinine that might help you.
I often find that I berate myself (take down my enough-ness) when I’m under a time pressure like a writing deadline or a product-launch date. The time and energy that I spend fighting to maintain my sense of self ends up, really, becoming part of my problem.
Consider seeing if one of my ridiculous mental tactics might not work for you, at least a little… and sometimes every little bit counts.
Some people will insist that I am lazy (true) and that I don’t care (mostly true).
However, this is really the back end of a superpower that I call “The Power of ‘Meh'”
What the power of ‘Meh’ does for me when I’m fighting the losing out on a sense of enough-ness fight is this… by surrendering to the ‘Meh’ I stop fighting and wallow in the “It’s not gonna get done on my timeline” notion and give up trying to make things happen.
Lazy, right?
BUT… you may find that once you stop fighting and once you allow yourself to wallow… the resistance loosens its grip too, and things will flow as if by magic. You may find that because you’re not expending energy trying to prove (to yourself) that YOU CAN DO IT… you have the energy to do a small part of it… and then it just sort of gets done with almost no effort… and things just sort of work out.
The power of ‘Meh’ really works out for me. Surrendering the need to “be enough” can often lead to a relaxed self of peace… and so often in that tranquil place, you’ll find that you just end up doing things and getting them done because “Meh, it seems appropriate.”
Note that this method of action by non-caring can be terrifying as you may have to live through the notion that you’ll never move again… However, if you can find this zen place I’m describing, the world does feel simpler.
Keith, I love “the power of meh” concept! It kind of reminds me of Tao teachings where over-working and obsession with perfection can prevent us from enjoying a zen mindset and actually deters us from reaching a higher state of being. Although I’m sure it’s meant in a spiritual sense, I take it to mean that it delays my meetings with next-tier-Lydia.
It’s an interesting notion to think that when you give into an emotion, or a meh-ness, the less hold it has on you. My therapist always asks me to imagine, and accept, what the worst case scenario would be for various situations. Once I do, it’s never THAT bad and I’m able to move on quickly. The more I fight it, or bash myself for not moving on fast enough, the longer it sticks around.
Now I’m super jazzed to try this out in terms of productivity. Imagine how much less stressful work would be if I didn’t constantly feel obligated to maintain a certain level of productivity.
Thank you, Keith, for this new way to tackle a problem this 🙂
This ties in nicely with the Tim Ferriss “fear setting” we’ve been talking about. The vagueness of our fears is what keeps ’em so big.
Hey Lydia, I’m wondering how you’re feeling a month later. I just came upon your message, but it sure resonated with me, because I see the mountain of work I need to do for Next Tier Me too, but I’m REALLY resisting it, which I know means I need to lean into it, but I’m just like… Meh! 😉 And maybe that’s where I need to be today.
That said, I read your post and could see all the things you have accomplished! BRAVO, sister! Celebrate that! AND you’ve cataloged all the work you know you need to do for Next Tier You. THAT is impressive and deserves celebration because you KNOW it. Awareness is HUGE, and you can give yourself kudos for knowing what you need to do.
Now, I’m going to bounce to Keith’s fabulously cool offering about the Power of Meh because –
dayum! – that stuff is good! loosening the grip on all the “have to’s” and “need to’s” and just letting go for a moment. That’s how I interpreted it anyway, and that really resonates with me, because, internally I feel like my intuition is saying, “Let go, and just take it all a step at a time, a moment at a time. This moment is GOOD. Let’s enjoy that!”
I hope you’ve found what you need to recharge your batteries and get back to your list, because you ARE making it happen! And so am I 😉
And Bon, I loved your analogy. Good growth. It’s important to acknowledge and know we need to upgrade our tools to reflect our changes. SO MUCH GOOD STUFF!
🙂
Laura! Thanks for checkin’ in!
A lot’s changed since then. I actually instinctively practiced Keith’s power of meh, and I let go of the need to finish my submissions. I did a few more and accepted that it was good enough for now.
Instead I did the work that actually matters. I finished my short, submitted it to festivals, and have a headshot session booked. Even though this work doesn’t have a deadline, I’m working way more efficiently on it and am enjoying myself wayy more. So I’m not doing anywhere near as much resistance. Focusing on the work I enjoy allowed me to recharge and now I’m happy to return to the other work I was resisting with materials I’m proud to share. I plan to re-reach out to my hell yes people with my updated headshots and reel!
Also, the universe gave me an unexpected reinforcement that I’m on the right path. One of the people who kept pushing for me to just get an agent to have one, had one of the worst experiences I’ve ever heard of with theirs and had to fire them. They spent 20 minutes on the phone telling me to not settle and how they wish they’d done more research beforehand rather than being desperate! I’m sad for them, but it’s nice to have reminders of why this is the most effective and joy-filled path to long term success.
I know that it can be tough, but like Keith said, just focusing on one little piece of the project at a time is liberating. You don’t have to do everything today in order to have Next-Tier-Laura come and play. I hope you’re having fun and can’t wait to hear how everything is going on your end! 🙂
I LOVE this! Thank you, Lydia!
This is great- thanks for asking your question on Facebook Lydia because I have been feeling the same way. And thanks for answering it Alexandra.
I finished the 30 day self tape challenge last week (which was AMAZING but also a safe place for me to ONLY do that) and now I feel like I am floundering. I know exactly what I need to do- my showbible. There is such resistance to sitting down and filling it in. Oh- I am having a very clear moment as I write this:
With this showbible I will have knowledge and with that knowledge I expand and with that expansion there’s that feeling of fear.
Oh my fucking god-
I still have this fear of the future. And the fear is that it is going to be wonderful and amazing and that this great life I have is going to change.
Ok, have just watched myself have an epiphany as I wrote all this out. This is an Upper Limit problem. I am squashing all that I can be. Crying.
I have been listening to a lot of what Abraham Hicks has to say and I reckon they would say to not sit in the process of this- that this is clogged pipe stuff and to lay new pipes.
Feeling a bit stuck with this one. Cloudy. I think this is a BIGGIE for me and always has.
Has anyone got any thoughts on how to move through this? xx
You’re already doing the work of moving through this by labeling it. Remember how so much of the work we’ve done in this course is about labeling what you’re experiencing and being dispassionate about that. That you hit on it — and had the emotions come up as you wrote about it to confirm that you had hit on it — is a great indication of your ability to label an ULP and know that you *can* choose to sit in the sameness of the lower tier but then you have to say you’ve chosen that vs. you’ve done everything within your power to level up and the rest is not up to you beyond getting into the receiving mode.
Keep working on this — journaling, I’d bet, is the best way — because you’re close to getting it knocked out. Facing the fear of what you lose when you upgrade is the next work of it.
Have had the day to sit with this feeling of resistance and how to move through it. Listened to an excellent Abraham Hicks on the subject of fear of success. They say that “We need to stop arguing for our limitations. That we have summoned more than we will ever know. The option isn’t to summon less but to GET UP TO SPEED! Makes so much sense.
Here it is if anyone wants to watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZcsLwVUUK8
x
Thank you!!! I did a lot of work in this area at the spiritual retreat from which I’ve just returned. Something about being able to reconcile that — were my soul running my business — things would be THIS way vs. THAT way was very impact-filled. In the writing the letters between my ego and my soul (one in each direction), I got very clear on how my trust in the universe is unwavering yet that’s not the case when I have to put the trust in others or even myself sometimes.
But if the universe has it covered, what the HELL does it matter if I trust *any* human to get the job done?!? The universe has it covered! My entire job is unapologetic unconditional receptivity. Full stop.
Phew!
Unapologetic Unconditional Receptivity! Hope that’s going on your wall.
I made an appointment with my agent to talk with her about my next tier targets. I want those first tv credits this year. In preparation, this morning, I have done research on all the CDs that cast those next tier shows and put them in my Showbible. Of course she will know who they are but I am starting to see that knowing what they look like and what else they have done fuels my intention.
I feel like labeling this “old stuff” yesterday freed me up so much. I am now just thinking about the next step….not the hundreds of steps down the line.
As Abraham Hicks says- we wouldn’t want everything we desire all at once.
One step at a time while keeping my eye on the prize.
Love you Bonnie! x
Love you too, sweets. And yes, it’s written EVERYWHERE. No question. Thrilled to know the labeling helped you release some of it. You’ve got this!
Oh my gosh, this is wonderful, Alexandra! Seeing your process, watching you go from being “cloudy” to cloud-busting (great Kate Bush song, by the way) is truly inspirational! Thank you for sharing this with us.
I’ve also been struggling with the next step, because there seem like so many, but if I focus on ONE, that’s a good start.
“One step at a time while keeping my eye on the prize.” Thank you 🙂
WOW WOW WOW!
Really resonating with Unapologetic Unconditional Receptivity
AWESOME! Use it!!
I’ve taken in so much from everyone’s comments on this as well as the audio. I love The Power of Meh and I’m going through so much of the same resistance blocks right now. Resistance can be a pesky bitch to put it bluntly. I go through a lot of periods where I think I have resistance under control because of so much daily practice with letting things go and just doing the work, and then bam from outer space I get hit with a pile of resistance, which gets me discouraged because I thought I had it under control, and then that spirals and can make the resistance worse.
I recently spent several weeks putting together a one-sheet resume with my new headshots embedded into it with active hyper links to my materials and researching hell yes agents that accept emailed submissions and Perfecting a short cover letter. I had a bunch of industry and non-industry people (friends, classmates, family etc) review and comment on it. When I got to the submitting part, resistance hit. “Is this a hell yes agent? What if my cover letter isn’t right? even though I’ve spent eons going over it. What if they don’t get back to me or what if this isn’t the right headshot to include?”
Even after I finished submitting and hadn’t heard anything back, I started feeling like I hadn’t done the work properly, questioning everything I had done. But, there are literally hundeds of reasons why you won’t hear back from agencies. If I listed them, this comment would be 100X longer. My lesson from this is, stop trying to overanalyze every single “what if.” Focus on the work, not the result you have your heart set on, know that you are enough, and that by putting yourself and your work out there, your doing it with joy and passion, not with fear or desperation.
All of this is Fear of the unknown for sure, and I like that part of the call where it’s like we fear the unknown so much, but the unknown can lead to so many amazing opportunities and can actually benefit us way more than it can harm us. So spot on.
Good realizations and awareness, Joey. Proud of you.
If it helps to know that it *is* possible to EVENTUALLY build the muscle for a better relationship with resistance, I can tell you that it is. I’m living proof!
Now when it hits, I’m mostly curious. “Hmm… resistance. What are you doing here?” and lately I’ve even stopped looking AT ALL into the *why* of it. “Why is it there? Why did it happen? Why am I suddenly blocked after I know better, and after I’ve done all this good work?” I now start down that path and go, “Matters not! WHY isn’t a thing! Move on!”
And then I either get on with the work *OR* — and I think this is going to be the powerful one for you to test out — I say, “Welp, must not be aligned for this right now,” and I put it aside.
BUT I’ve learned the difference between resistance and lack of alignment. It’s a subtle difference sometimes, but I think that may be where you’re getting snagged. Especially since you’re already doing such good work on this.
Play with this! We’ll keep working on it.
WOW WOW WOW! Thank you that golden nugget, Bonnie! “Welp, must not be aligned for this right now,” makes me go, “Ok. What do I need to do to get aligned?” And THAT is a great shift! Thank you!
I really wanna say, F_<k resistance! But i realize this is a muscle I'm working, learning to push through.
Taking it one step further, Laura, how’s about instead of, “Okay, what do I need to do to get aligned?” trying something like, “What AM I aligned for right now?” and doing *that* ’til you feel like revisiting the other thing? Because “What do I need to to to get aligned” feels like efforting… and that’s not always the best course of action. Play with this!
Bonnie I think you hit the nail on the head! Lack of alignment totally! So subtle but yes, my alignment can get out of whack. I know you mentioned I think in Facebook live that you focus only on one thing at a time and that’s a big thing for me. Sometimes I will sit with GIG open, prepping a scene for class, watching Netflix with imdb pro open and tracking actors and their reps all at the same time. And I know better, but this is reinforcement. No wonder I get overwhelmed by trying to do too many things at once. I know it’s because when a little anxiety hits that I need to get all this stuff done I do everything at once, which is counterproductive because that is what can cause resistance.
Joey, thank you for sharing this convo, because BOY it resonated for me! I get into multi-tasky mode, and feel like everything’s snow-balling, and then I burn out. So I’m trying to figure out: what needs to be done first? What REALLY takes top priority, and that is a fun challenge in and of itself, because all the tasks seem important! But taking it all one at a time, that gives me a sense of relief. Thank you for that. Hope you find your groove and alignment! 🙂
Yes Laura, thank you. I’m glad this has resonated with you. The burnout flat out sucks. It can be so overwhelming . I used to think that doing everything at once was the only way to do it, like I was saving time, but ohh No I was not. Our world has shifted into an ADD culture where everyone wants many things done all the time now, and it can create anxiety. But we don’t need to be that way. Just in general for me, I would be all over the place because I haven’t allowed myself to open up that organized caring less part of myself. What I’m doing now is making a list of the things I need to get done. I’m not going to do them at the same time, I’m going to finish that task first and move on. I was watching the documentary for the Original Blade runner that’s like 3 1/2 hrs long, to prep myself for Blade Runner 2049 (yes geek out moment). Instead of watching all the way through, I’ll stop it part way, put something else on or pull up IMDb pro and start showbibling, pull up something in the vault, then get my scene out for my class and start prepping and then get more sidetracked by taking out the trash and cooking lunch. Then when that’s done I gotta go to work.
So the lesson is I gotta pick what I need or want to get done today. Because this just goes with everything. I could have got through that whole documentary I was watching if I didn’t bring other tasks into it. And those others tasks didn’t get enough attention, so really it was a waste of time to try and tackle all that.
If you have 5 or 6 different tasks you need to get done, don’t even try to do all of them until you get through that first one. If you attempt to do all of them, not only will you burn out, but you will probably only get 20-30% out of it. And then the next time you multitask you feel the resistance because of how it went last time. Hope this helps realign that muscle.
Admittedly I know for a fact some scenes from class that didn’t go so great are straight up because I was multitasking when I prepped it and that is a no no. This equals lack of focus and goodbye pivotal character beats and moments. I’ve said everything in my life or your life should be prepared and organized to highest professional degree that it can be. But do so one at a time.
Really helpful, Joey. I’m in the same boat, and I’m trying to sharpen my focus so that the quality of my attention on each project is very clear. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Multitasking is evil. The thing to try is more of an ease in shifting focus from one thing to another when you feel EITHER you’ve done enough with the one thing OR need a switch of focus to stay inspired and energized by your work. Aligned hustle, all day. 🙂 Rock on!
Thankful for all you ninjas for sharing your experience with resistance. It feels like a dance, doesn’t it?
I am so grateful for this page and for the amazing shares from ninjas above, especially Lydia’s story and her return to share where she’s at a month later. Thank you, all, for digging in here. <3
I'm feeling intense resistance this week. In every direction. I haven't committed to doing anything (Please note: Initially, the sentence I typed there was "I don't have any idea what to do."). I'm a bittttt off my ninja rocker. I could use a business plan to get to work on the non-content-creation ninja work I ought to do, but first:
The one huge block I have, the block that FEELS like it is holding me up from doing any other ninja work, is writing a certain script. I already busted through the initial challenge of getting it onto paper. The script exists! Now I feel as though I have to make it "good". I've been telling myself I don't know how to do that. My I-am-enough-ness is at the bottom level as a writer for drama. This is the first story that I am so determined to tell that hasn't just flown out of me in a fit of inspiration. It's also the first dramatic story I've wanted to tell. Comedic shorts and sketches are my comfort zone. This new story is extremely personal and I care a lot about it. A lot. I'd rather not pancake this one.
Do any ninjas have recommendations for getting support writing such personal items when you're new and want to be surrounded by only positive feedback/encouragement? I know I have to work on my own self-talk and keep my own thoughts positive about my writing. It would just also be great to have some safe place to work on the script or safe person to share it with.
I feel confident about the production aspects. I know that I can handle producing the film once the script is where I want it. …or do I? Is that why I'm resisting? Because I'm afraid that the production quality won't be up to my own snuff? Because I DO know how to produce the film but I know that it's a ton of work ahead of me?
In writing this post, it's helped me to find a little more clarity. I just thought of a certain ninja that I will reach out to now because I think they may be the right, positive person to bounce ideas around with!
I'm also realizing that I need to relinquish control over whether the project pancakes. Worst case scenario: the project pancakes, and I have a second pancake project. That's okay! Good for me for doing the projects at all in first place. Also my first "pancake" led me to a lot of amazing things. I don't need to fear the pancake!
Good job, getting this workout in, right here in writing it out. Proud of you.
To me, this seems like how I felt about attempting a screenplay after having been a successful author for so long. I was paralyzed. It made no sense. But because it was “different enough” (like your comedy vs. drama difference), I was STUCK and couldn’t even begin writing. I had little scenes and dialogue snippets and character outlines all squirreled away, but when it came to opening up Final Draft and doing the damn thing… nope. I was a deer in headlights.
If you’re still not sure whether this is resistance or an actual block you need to work through first, I’d ask you to do a list of A. and B. feelings. A. is a list of things you feel if you push through and make this happen and what if it fails, what if it’s a pancake, what if you wind up hating it and fighting with everyone all the way through the production process, but it’s DONE? B. is a list of things you feel if you put this on hold while you work on other things for a while. The feelings of failure or punking out or whatever might have you feeling as though you must push on right now. List those up.
IF you’re wondering which of these scenarios is less scary to tackle, these lists will help with that.
Now, if you already know for sure how you’re feeling and you’re GONNA push through and make this happen, I agree that having someone who lives *outside* of your head to bounce things off of is incredibly important. Keith meets weekly with a writers group and they workshop every BEAT of their scripts together. I’m convinced their work together has made every one of them a better writer. In fact, they’ve sold projects to prove that trajectory. Also, it just HELPS to not be the only one working on the words that are parading through your head at all times. That outside “eye” is essential.
In fact, if you wanted to hop on Skype with Keith to go over anything, that door is always open. I know you said you thought of someone who may be a good fit, and that’s awesome. If Keith could help, let him. He loves jamming about scripts and he’s brutal but loving. You know that about him, of course. 😉
I think you already worked through a lot of this just in these words you’ve posted, but in case any of this “yes, and…” adds to your workout, have at it. XO
Thank you, Bonnie! I’m still working through this tonight. I set up a meeting on Wednesday with a fabulous ninja just to talk through ideas in a supportive way.
Also, I’ll share my imagined emotions (not in list format, but the exercise was very helpful):
LIST A (I PUSH THROUGH AND DO IT, BUT IT PANCAKES):
Oh my god, I did it. I pushed through a huge block. I got that story out of my system. I dug deeper than I ever have as an artist. Whether I wrote it or just dug into the idea behind the writing, it took serious guts to talk about that story. Go me for doing something so personal and for being willing to open up and do work that isn’t easy. This helped me to grow as an actor, because in writing this story I had to go to a terrifying place and open up about things I don’t usually allow myself to explore. I got to try my hand at a role that isn’t my bullseye, a role I might not be called in for due to my “brand” but is, literally, ME. I got to show that side of me in the process. Even if it (the film) cannot be taken to the bank, I learned a whole lot. Producing the next film is going to be easier. And even if the film is a disaster, since I (CAPITAL “I”) am not a terrible person, most of the people who worked on the film would still work with me again (even if they don’t want to sign onto a project i’m spearheading). I’m a badass rebel and I finally made the dark film I’ve been eager to work on since the beginning of my interest in working.
LIST B (I PUT THIS PROJECT ON HOLD):
If I put this on hold, I am bummed. I am distracted by it and frustrated with myself for giving up so easily. I am wondering if I would have been capable of getting the script to where I wanted it if I just put in a few more days of work. I don’t have another script idea that I’m so excited about, so I either move on without creating things or try to grasp at other ideas just to have something I feel “ninja” about. I feel like an uncommitted floppydoodle.
Great work! Oh, and “floppydoodle”? New favorite word. #SoOnBrand
I totally relate to what she was going through. I am also a go-getter… when it’s me asking only of myself. I moved out to LA without a second thought because I could do it without anyone else’s help. When it comes to asking others’ for help, I get all insecure and judgey of myself and my creative projects — is this worthy of being made? do they think it’s worthy of being made? if they say no, will that feel like someone crushing my creative spirit and enthusiasm? and, unfortunately yes, am I worthy of their help? also, what can I possibly offer them in return? I will check out your article, Bonnie as I’m sure there’s also a tinge of “what next?” for me too — which is one reason why I get a “creative high” participating in your programs and doing the work because the next steps are laid out for me and I don’t have to hurt my brain thinking too hard and trying to figure things out and banging my head against a wall. That said, it’s still super scary when moving up to that next tier and feeling the heaviness of new expectations, the discomfort of doing new things or doing things differently, and feeling like I’m standing in an abyss or rather a clean slate at that place and getting my footing and getting into a new groove. I can see how this could stop many talented creatives from the massive success waiting for them — it’s that internal resistance in the book The War of Art. I wonder if sometimes putting it out there how much we respect someone else’s work or position or experience (without feeling an attachment to the outcome) encourages them to help us because they are possibly just as insecure inside as we sometimes feel and truly appreciating them feeds their self-worth and opens doors.
Great awareness, Sugar! 🙂 I’m so proud of you and the work you continue to be committed to putting in for yourself. You deserve this investment! You’ve put each other first for so long.